Christian Therapist for women of color with anxiety and insomnia throughout CA
Christian marriage counseling Houston TX
Marriage takes quite a bit of work. It is two people, coming together to intentionally create a life that works well. A great marriage however, is simply the result of a lifetime of work. There is no luck involved. It is about unlearning old patterns that no longer work for you, and relearning new patterns that can move your marriage forward.
In my opinion, one of the most helpful tools that all couples should learn within their marriage is the 5 love languages.
Maybe your marriage has been going through some rocky times, but you’re not sure what to do about it. You and your spouse have had a few talks, but you don’t know if marriage counseling is the thing to do.
You’ve heard all types of things about marriage counseling, but you think to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just talk to a friend, my pastor or just pick up a book from Amazon?”
You don’t want anything that could possibly make your marriage worse.
Well let me lift the veil about marriage counseling.
If you’ve thought about going to marriage counseling in Houston you might find yourself feeling scared. That’s totally normal. After all, the challenge is for you to open up to a complete stranger about the inner workings of your marriage.
Gulp!
This can feel deeply personal. The truth is that marriage counseling does involve a certain level of honesty and vulnerability from you. However, here are a few things to know about couples therapy in Houston before you dive in.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. You meet this amazing, beautiful person who makes your heart flutter every time you speak to them. So you decide to take the plunge and marry them. After all, you only have eyes for them. Then years pass by and you realize your life feels like deja vu. You wake up, take the kids to school, head to work, send each other a text (or not), come home, eat dinner, clean up, sleep, rinse and repeat.
It’s the same old schedule day in and day out. Although your life feels good, you want more. So. Much. More.
You are sick and tired of the monotony in your marriage. Don’t worry. I see this all the time during couples counseling in Houston.
Here are some simple ways to boredom-proof your marriage.
As a trained Christian marriage counselor in Houston or couples therapist in Houston, I understand that couples therapy is a skill that not every therapist possesses. And this is no shade whatsoever. After all, I consider my skills in child and adolescent therapy to be quite average, which is why I don’t work with kids.
In fact, many marriage and family therapists, as well as counselors do not see couples- because they know it’s another kettle of fish altogether. By the way, this is a great thing. I believe it’s more important to specialize in a skill set that you’re great at, rather than providing a multitude of subpar services.
What you might not know is that many licensed marriage and family therapists do not have adequate training to skillfully practice couples therapy (don’t let our title fool you). So before you embark on your couples therapy journey in Houston, it is important to first ask your therapist if they do indeed have the necessary training to accomplish such an important task.
That being said, here are some signs that you need to fire your Houston marriage counselor or couples therapist ASAP.
When you go into couples therapy in Houston, it’s important that you’re not just jumping from one argument to the other. The therapist should take a step back and get to know you and your partner well. This is because a lot of useful information can be unearthed by doing a thorough assessment.
You’ll learn how your upbringing affects the way you are as a wife, how past traumas play a role in your relationship, how different unspoken rules are plaguing your relationship, amongst other dynamics. Most importantly, you’ll learn how underlying patterns are working to either build your marriage up or tear it down.
Couples therapy in Houston should certainly not feel like a war every single session. Yes, sometimes sessions can leave you feeling drained, but it shouldn’t be a he-said, she-said event every single week. The goal of couples therapy is to help you gain tools that will help you improve your relationship- not to give you the necessary ammunition to destroy your marriage.
So if every couples counseling session is feeling like a never ending argument, that’s a red flag. It is a sign that your marriage counselor isn’t adequately skilled in couples therapy. Trust me, working with couples is very different than working in individual therapy.
Well this should have been number 1 on my list. And how do you know if your couples therapist has training in couples therapy? All you have to do is ask them. When you sign up for a consultation with your couples therapist, or during the first session, just ask “What type of couples therapy training do you have?” Easy peasy. I personally prefer the Gottman Method, and I’m trained in level 1 and level 2, but honestly, it doesn't matter what method they use- as long as they have some sort of training in marriage counseling.
This is a big one. Each partner in couples therapy should feel seen, heard and respected. But I’ve heard tales of couples therapists who clearly side with one partner- leaving the other feeling alienated.
As a Houston couples therapist, it is not beyond me to call you out from time to time. If you for example are blatantly rude to your spouse in my presence, I’ll call you out. If you show up every week without doing the marriage counseling homework, I will call you out, and if you have a clear pattern of behavior that isn’t helping your marriage, I will call you out. But my goal is for both of you to win. And I don’t play couples therapy favorites.
If you feel disrespected by your couples therapist, feel free to let them know. If they do not validate your feelings or their behavior persists, it might be time to terminate couples therapy or marriage counseling. Your emotional safety is a priority.
And this goes for every type of therapy interaction you have. There has to be a good fit between you and your couples therapist. If something about them makes your skin crawl, if you find it challenging to open up to them after multiple session, if you just don’t like their vibe, or if something feels consistently off, then it’s time to let them go.
Sometimes it might mean you’re not ready for couples therapy. So take a moment to take stock of what’s going on internally. Other times, it means the couples therapist isn’t the right marriage counselor for you. That’s okay. There are probably hundreds of marriage counselors in Houston for you to pick from. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right marriage counselor for you.
If you are in the market for a couples therapist in Houston who will give you the necessary tools you need to help your marriage succeed, and who isn’t afraid to call you out when you’re making a mess, then I might be the couples therapist in Houston or you.
I’m a Black Christian marriage counselor in Houston who believes that therapy should work. If you want to find out if we’re a great fit in therapy click here to schedule a free consultation call. You deserve a marriage that’s fun, light and safe.
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.
I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
As a couples therapist in Houston, I sometimes get calls from couples who say that they think they want a divorce. It is not uncommon for me to do co-parenting or ‘healthy divorce’ sessions.
Sometimes couples want a divorce, but they want to avoid all the fighting and drama that goes with it, so couples therapy for them looks like negotiating healthy boundaries so that they have as amicable a divorce as possible.
