Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA &amp; TX

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 12/30/21 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 12/30/21

Finding a therapist in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Finding a therapist or counselor in the Houston area can be a little bit tricky, because Houston is such a large area. When you try to break it down, do you want to find a counselor in Cypress, a therapist in Sugar Land, or in one of the many surrounding neighborhoods in the Houston area?

You might also ask yourself “Do I need to be searching for a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, or a psychologist?”

I'm going to break down every single thing you need to find a therapist or counselor in the Houston area that will be a great match for you. Don't worry, it's not as hard as you might think.

You might also ask yourself “Do I need to be searching for a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, or a psychologist?”

I'm going to break down every single thing you need to find a therapist or counselor in the Houston area that will be a great match for you. Don't worry, it's not as hard as you might think.

Questions to ask yourself before doing research about counseling in Houston

1) “Do I want an online therapist in Houston or would I prefer an In person therapist or counselor in Houston?”

When looking for a therapist in Houston, it is important to ask yourself whether you want virtual visits, or if you absolutely want to be seen in person. In my opinion, it really doesn't matter whether you are seen in person or virtually. Both forms of therapy are quite effective.

Pros and cons of in person therapy or counseling in Houston

The upside to being seen in person is that you get to drive away from your typical environment and you get to sit in a lovely office. Some people like to come into my office early, grab some tea, listen to sounds of nature and just take a moment to ground themselves before the therapy session. And some people love driving and looking at the Houston area sights. They create an entire vibe in their cars when they are on their way to their therapy session.

Pros and cons of seeing a virtual or online therapist in Houston

Now if you're seeing your therapist virtually, the upside is that you do not have to be in traffic at all- and we all know how annoying those Houston commutes can be. Virtual therapy in Houston is quite convenient. You can meet with your therapist while sitting in your car, while on your lunch break, in your office or while your baby is taking a nap. There is zero commute time and because of this, chances are you will probably attend counseling or therapy sessions more frequently.

If you do choose to see an online therapist in Houston though, this opens you up to a wider selection of therapists because you can meet with any therapist who is licensed in your state. So there is no geographical boundary holding you back. That means you can see a therapist in Houston, a therapist in Dallas, a therapist in Austin, or any therapist who is licensed in Texas.

Whether you attend virtually or in person, in my professional opinion, therapy can work either way.

2) “Why do I need a therapist in Houston?” (This helps you pick a therapist in Houston with the right niche)

Just like physicians, therapists in Houston (and everywhere else) also have specialties. It is important to note that most of us are not jack of all trades, and we prefer to see clients within a specific niche.

So ask yourself why you’re seeking the support of a therapist. Is it for depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, problems at work, problems of parenting, infertility… and the list goes on. I happen to be an anxiety therapist in Houston, because that is what I do best. It is important to find a therapist who can actually cater to some of the issues that you are struggling with.

Again, similar to seeing a physician, you wouldn't go to a dentist for your heart issues. So it is important that you know why you want therapy so that you can find a therapist that has a set of skills that are particularly suited for what you're experiencing.

3) “Do I want to use my insurance? And what is my therapy budget?”

A therapy budget is a subject that I have never seen online before, so I thought I should address it with you. Typically, therapists love to see their clients weekly. For me, doing this ensures that there is continuity of care and that my clients are moving fast towards their goals.

When you have a therapy budget, you are able to plan better so that there won’t be breaks in your therapy sessions. Know what you are comfortable paying for, so that you can find a therapist who is also within your budget.

If you choose to go through your insurance, ensure that you know what your co-pay will be, how many sessions your insurance will cover, as well as what types of sessions your insurance will cover (30 minute sessions, 45 minute sessions, couples therapy, family therapy, etc). Get these logistics out of the way before you begin the therapy process. That being said it is important to note that the best therapist Houston for you may not necessarily be the cheapest or the most expensive.

The best therapist in Houston for you is a therapist who has a lot of experience managing what your area of struggle is, and his personality is a perfect match for yours. It is a perfect marriage between the two. So do not be tempted to go for the free therapist whose niche is nowhere near what you need. Your mental health needs come first. If I went to a cardiologist to help me with my kidneys, chances are I would get a bad result. So buyer beware.

Pros and cons of using your insurance for therapy in Houston

The upside to using your insurance is that it is usually so much cheaper. One of the downsides could be that some of the therapists within your network might be full, or your insurance may have specific stipulations that may not work for you. My recommendation is that you call your insurance company before beginning sessions so that you know what your plan covers. It is also possible that the therapist or counselor you want to work with, doesn't take your insurance. Please note that insurance companies often expect your therapist to diagnose you. Keep that in mind.

Pros and cons of paying out of pocket for therapy in Houston

On the other hand, the upside to going out of pocket is that you can have as many sessions as you need, and typically, therapists who are private pay are often able to see their clients a lot sooner. The downside of course is that it could cost you more than if you were to use your health insurance. Pick the option that works best for you.

Now that we’ve covered the preliminary questions about finding a therapist in Houston, let’s dive in deeper.

Where to find a therapist in Houston

1) Ask your friends and loved ones who their therapist is.

Therapy in Houston and throughout Texas is becoming increasingly common. Chances are that your friends and loved ones have seen a therapist before. If you're comfortable asking them, simply ask them who they go to for therapy and why they like them.

Have an open discussion about the pros and cons of that specific therapist, their therapy style, and what attracted your loved one to that therapist. Please note that because your loved one had a great experience with that therapist does not necessarily mean that the therapist will be a perfect match for you.

I highly recommend that you schedule a consultation call with the therapist before you begin to work with them. The call is a great time for the therapist to get to know what you need support with, to tell you more about their style of work, and to decide if you and the therapist are compatible with one another. Without this compatibility, therapy will fall flat. You can go to the best therapist in the world, but if they are not a good fit for you, it won’t work.

2) Search for a therapist in a mental health directory

There are a multitude of therapist directories out there. These are a shortcut to helping you find the best therapist in Houston for you.

You can narrow down by ZIP Code, state, insurance, therapist’s specialty, therapist’s gender, religious or spiritual beliefs, race, as well as a long list of other areas. It’s important that you pick a therapist that you will be comfortable with. Some people often feel bad when they call me and say that they would prefer a Black therapist in Houston. Please don't feel bad. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own therapy session.

Some therapist directories to try are:

Therapy for Black Girls
Clinicians of Color Directory
Therapy Den
Melanin and Mental Health

3) Search for a therapist in the Houston area on Google

If you do not feel like going to a therapist directory, or speaking to a friend or loved one, you can use good old Google to find a therapist in Houston. Just search for a therapist according to what you need or a therapist in your city.

So some examples of searches could be:

Anxiety therapist in Houston.
Depression therapist Katy, Texas.
Black therapist in Houston
Premarital counseling Houston
Female Black therapist Houston.
Therapist for trauma in Cypress, Texas.

Or you can search by gender and religion. For example:

Black Christian therapist Houston
Christian counseling Katy
Christian counselor Houston
Christian counseling Sugar Land, TX

Once you find the therapist’s website, take about one or two minutes to look around. Does the therapist look like somebody whom you would feel comfortable working with? Does the therapist’s website speak to you? Go with your gut instinct. After looking at the therapist’s website, see if they do consultations and schedule a consultation with them.

Finding a therapist in the Houston area does not have to be a daunting task. Dedicate one or two days to finding about two or three therapists that appear to be a good fit for you.

If you really need support in finding a therapist click here to schedule a free consultation call. If you are searching for a Black therapist in the Houston area who can help you move from a place of anxiety to greater self confidence, or help your marriage move from a roommate situation to a passionate situation, then I might be the therapist for you. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. You can read more about how I help with anxiety, insomnia and marriage counseling here. Don't wait.

About The Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 11/4/21 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 11/4/21

Dear Superwoman: It’s Time to Take Off the Cape – How to Ask for Help Like a Pro

When you are a highly responsible or goal oriented woman, it is easy to do everything yourself. After all, you've always been successful at everything you’ve laid your hands on, so why on earth do you need to ask anybody for help?

As a therapist in Temecula, I know that asking for help is important because it is a great way to connect with your spouse. Being overly independent can quickly become a problem in a marriage if you live your life like you're an island on to yourself. Being overly independent can lead to your spouse feeling disengaged from you.

If you have ever wanted to break away from the struggle of being overly independent, here are some tips for you:

Get to the bottom of why it is difficult for you to ask for help

By the way, being independent is not a bad thing, but having a really difficult time asking for help when you really need it could really be a struggle. Behind every highly independent woman are some emotional hurts (or perhaps, an upbringing) that led her to become this way.

Here’s an exercise I have my clients go through during our counseling sessions in Temecula. Sit back and dig into your mind. Ask yourself how you became super independent. Perhaps when you were growing up, your caregivers encouraged you to be heavily independent. Or perhaps they really encouraged you to check things off lists and achieve a lot. Or maybe you just receive a lot of inner joy and affirmation when you did things yourself.

Remember that asking for help is not a bad thing

Remind yourself that inter-dependency (not independence) is healthy for a marriage relationship. Interdependence simply means that both partners are independent, but they choose to lean on each other when they need help.

They can do things by themselves and for themselves, however they choose to share the world with each other in a healthy way. So it is important to tell yourself this so that you get more comfortable with opening up to your partner.

Start with asking for help with the small things

I get it. Asking your husband for help on the huge projects could feel close to impossible. So why not just start small? Ask him to help you with simple things like picking up the dry cleaning or dropping the kids off at school or making that sandwich that you just don't want to make.

It is easier to start with the small things and then slowly graduate to much larger tasks. Each time you ask him for help, check in with yourself to see how it feels. At first it might feel oddly uncomfortable, but sit with that feeling and it will soon pass.

Have daily conversations with your spouse to invite him into your life

When you are very independent, it is easy to get sucked into your own world and completely forget that your spouse exists. So to combat this, once a week, or maybe at the end of day, have a short, connecting conversation with your spouse. This is another intervention I use when counseling in Murrieta.

Ask him how his day went, and also invite him into your own world. Talk to him about what's going on in your day, what’s going on with the kids, the new updates at work and what has been happening in your mind. That way he gets to understand your internal struggles. It’s okay for your spouse to see you as a human with real struggles and joys.

Try giving yourself a deadline before you ask for help

Because you are naturally a very independent person, you probably spend a lot of time hitting your head on a wall before reaching out for support.

So give yourself a deadline. Perhaps you can say “If I am still struggling after 1 week, I will ask for help.” Although asking for help can be a struggle, practice makes it easier.

There you have it. If you struggle with being super independent, and you want to learn how to let your husband into your internal world, schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. It is totally possible to live interdependently with your husband.

As a Black therapist in Temecula, it is my joy to help goal oriented women find deeper connection. I provide therapy to clients in Murrieta, Temecula, San Diego, Los Angeles and throughout California.

book a free 15-min consult call

About the Author

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 10/21/21 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 10/21/21

Simple tips for a successful marriage: Repair when you've messed up

Sometimes when you're speaking to your partner, you get so upset and you say the wrong thing.

Before the words come out of your mouth you instinctively know that you have hit below the belt. The great news is that no matter what you say to your partner, you can still repair your relationship with them. As a therapist in the Temecula area who provides marriage counseling, I’ve probably seen and heard it all.

Sometimes when you're speaking to your partner, you get so upset and you say the wrong thing.

Here are six simple ways to repair when you have messed up in your marriage. Please note that this post is not talking about abusive behavior or infidelity. I am simply just focusing on repairing when you have been careless with your words or gotten into an argument.

The goal of the conversation: To repair and take responsibility

Before you start talking to your spouse remember that the goal of this conversation is to repair and seek understanding, rather than defend yourself or blame your spouse. If you get defensive, it will only make things worse. So it is important that you take responsibility for the things that you have said, and then apologize.

Step 1: Share how you felt

The first step is to share how you felt. This is an important skill I teach as a therapist in the Murrieta, Temecula area.

You don't have to explain why you felt the way that you felt. It is important for your partner to understand what was going on for you internally. Use some feeling words.

You can say something as simple as "I felt defensive." Or “I felt disrespected." Or “I felt shocked.” Or you can say “I felt afraid.” This will help your partner feel a little bit more connected to you.

Step 2: Describe your point of view

Describe to your spouse what you feel happened during the incident. Do not describe what you think they did or how you think they felt. Just stick to describing your perception of the situation. It is important that you do not point the finger, attack them, or blame them.

Just state the facts of what you said or what you think you heard them say. So for example you can frame it as "I heard you say…” Don’t get stuck on the semantics of things. Just focus on your reality.

Step 3: Give your spouse space to speak

Next it's time for you to give your spouse a chance to speak their own reality. Listen to their side of the story, and do not focus on trying to correct them or blame them. When they speak, try to summarize what you're hearing them saying, and also validate their experiences. For example you can say something like "I can see how you heard that.” “I can understand why that felt offensive.”

Ensure that they feel understood before you move on. If they don't, you can ask them to give you more information to ensure that they are actually feeling understood. This is the one area where couples get stuck in my Temecula marriage counseling sessions.

Also help them understand some of your experiences that have triggered why you felt the way that you felt. For example let's say you feel disrespected because your spouse did not consult you before doing something important. You can say to them “I am sensitive to feeling ignored because it reminds me of the time that you made a big purchase without me.”

Step 4: Take responsibility for your role in the communication breakdown

I talk about this a lot when I facilitate marriage counseling in Murrieta. It's now time to take responsibility for your role in the fight. Let them know what your state of mind was before you said what you said.

For example you can say:

“I've been feeling stressed lately.”
“I've been taking you for granted”
“I've been ignoring you.”
“I've been completely exhausted lately.”
“I've been feeling like I'm tired lately.

Specify what you regret and also apologize for what you said wrong. Be very specific.

For example “I am sorry for yelling at you.” “I'm sorry that I attacked you.” Or “I'm sorry for disrespecting you.”

Step 5: Make a plan for the future

After apologizing, tell your spouse what you need if this situation comes up again in the future.

Make a plan for what to do if the situation comes up again. Help your spouse understand the way you want to be treated, and also get a good understanding of how they want to be talked to. This prevents persistent problems from happening over and over again.

Having a successful marriage takes an immense amount of work and great communication, however every marriage can become an amazing marriage with friendship and intimacy in abundance.

If you're looking for a black marriage counselor in the Temecula, Murrieta area, and you're ready to take your marriage to a new, healthy place, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call. Your future, healthy marriage thanks you.

book a free 15-min consult call

About the Author

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 10/7/21 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 10/7/21

How to connect with your spouse using acts of service

Whenever couples come to me for couples counseling in my office in the Temecula, Murrieta area, I often ask them what their love languages are.

Some couples know what love languages are, and others just typically look at me with a blank stare. To give you a quick summary, a love language is the way you like to be loved, and the way that you show love. There are 5 love languages- quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation.

For most couples, they often try to love their partner in the way that they personally want to be loved- not the way their spouse actually wants to be loved. And here is where a lot of the breakdown in a relationship or marriage begins.

The struggle often happens, because both partners have two completely different love languages- making it very difficult to show love appropriately.

If your partner’s love language is acts of service, it simply means that they like you to do things to serve them, and this helps them feel truly loved. For them, love is a lot more than saying "I love you" or buying them gifts- actually showing it is how you can connect to them.

Before you roll your eyes at me, here are five simple ways that you can connect with your spouse or show your love to your spouse, using acts of service.

Make them breakfast in bed

Nobody ever said love is easy. Love is a sacrifice.

One very simple way to show your spouse some love is to make them breakfast in bed. You do not have to go all out, you do not even have to cook the food yourself- you can even order in.

But surprise your spouse with a simple breakfast in bed. Now if you are a great cook, then here's where you can really show off your skills. Think about simple meals that your partner loves and make it for them.

As a therapist in Temecula, I often encourage couples to infuse some spontaneity and forethought into their marriage. Acts of service are all about forethought.

If you really want to be fancy then you can throw in the garnishes, and even make a multiple course meal. But if that's not your thing just present the meal neatly and that’s it.

Iron their shirt for them (Or do something they hate)

If you have a spouse who wears shirts that get rumpled easily, surprise them and iron a shirt for them, or maybe even get a part of their outfit ready for them. Or you can pick up their dry-cleaning. Yes, I know that he can dress himself up or she can dress herself up, however this is all about going above and beyond so that they know that you love them.

For example if your spouse irons their shirt every morning, and you see that they have laid a shirt out the night before, you can go the extra mile to iron the shirt for them. It’ll surprise them and also communicate that you care. Stepping in the gap is my biggest marriage counseling tip.

Pay close attention and fill a need they have

When you're having a casual conversation with your spouse, and she mentions that she needs to get something from the store, you can actually offer to do it for them. It doesn't even have to be a big deal. Maybe they are out of their favorite crackers.

You can say to them: “Never mind I'll get it for you.” Or on your way back from work that day you can swing over to the store and get it for them. This might take an extra 10 minutes of time or maybe even take you no extra time at all because you plan to be at the store yourself. This will communicate to your spouse that you're listening to them and you care for them.

Fix something around the house or hire someone to fix it for you

If you happen to have some pretty handy skills, and you notice that something in the house is broken, an act of service could be fixing it before your spouse gets to it. Or both of you can fix it together.

This way you're spending quality time and also giving an act of service. If you happen to not be handy at all, and you know that your spouse will probably never get around to fixing it, rather than complaining, why not just hire someone? Boom! Acts of service.

Step in unexpectedly to give them a break

Let's say your spouse often drops the kids off at school on Mondays, but you know that they're having a particularly difficult Monday, and you have some room in your schedule to do it, just let them know that you can do it.

You can say something like “Don't worry. I'll take the kids to school so that you can prep for your meeting.”

Acts of service could be difficult to implement because they involve time and effort, but you don't have to necessarily do huge acts of service every single day. As long as you're paying attention, you can just step in in little areas where they are tired or they are lacking. It is about anticipating your spouse’s needs and communicating with them.

If your marriage has been riding the struggle bus, and you have wondered if Temecula marriage counseling will help you, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call. You do not have to wait until your marriage is in complete breakdown to go to marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can help you restore the friendship and intimacy in your marriage.

I also provide Christian counseling in the Temecula, Murrieta area for couples who want to keep Jesus at the center of their marriage.

book a free 15-min consultation call

About the Author

Many of my clients are: