Finding the best marriage counseling in the Houston area: A Simple Guide

Marriage can be blissful. You meet someone, fall in love and when you think about them, you have butterflies in your stomach. You think about them all day long, and you can’t wait until you get to see them again.

But sometimes, marriage can be extremely complicated. You forget how to talk to and listen to each other. Everything becomes a fight or an argument, and sometimes you absolutely cannot stand each other.

If this sounds like your marriage, it might be time to seek marriage counseling. Here is a simple guide on how to find a great marriage therapist in the Houston area.

Ask yourself what type of relationship therapy in Houston you want/need

Before beginning relationship therapy in Houston, it is important to know what type of therapist you want. Are you looking for Christian marriage counseling in Houston? Are you specifically looking for a Black marriage counselor in Houston? Do you prefer a male marriage therapist in Houston? Do you want to participate in conjoint marriage therapy? (Conjoined marriage therapy means you actually get to work with two therapists at the same time). Often the therapists are a therapist duo who are partners in real life. Do you want intensive marriage counseling (engage in couples therapy for 6 hours a day over a 2 to 3-day weekend), or do you want to meet with the marriage counselor weekly? This will determine whom you actually choose.

Start with a simple Google search (It could be as simple as- ‘Relationship Therapy Houston’ or ‘Couples Therapy Houston’)

Now that technology is everywhere, most marriage therapists in Houston have an online presence. This is a benefit for you. That way you can get to check out the couples therapist’s social media presence, their website, and sites where they have been interviewed so that you can decide if they are the one for you.

I highly recommend before you call the couples therapist or marriage counselor in Houston, you actually do some snooping. OK maybe we wouldn't call it snooping, let's just call it research. Find out what their approach to marriage counseling is, and figure out if their approach to therapy will work for you. Go with your gut. If you browse their website and you do not like them, strike them off your list. You should love your marriage therapist. Luckily Houston has an abundance of great marriage therapists for you to choose from.

One of the most important aspects in the success of marriage counseling in Houston is the connection between the marriage counselor and the client. Don't ignore this. The best marriage counseling in Houston for you involves a therapist whose approach works well for you.

Here are some examples of some simple keywords you can search in Google. The basic search formula is ‘Marriage counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Couples counseling’ + [your city] or ‘Relationship counseling + [Your city]. Feel free to add other specifiers such as therapist’s gender, race and religion.

Here are some sample searches you can type straight into Google:

Black marriage counseling Houston

Houston Couples therapy

Best marrriage counseling Houston

Christian marriage counseling Houston

Relationship counseling Houston

Houston relationship therapy

Marriage counseling Houston

Marriage counselor Houston, TX

Couples counseling Cypress

Couples therapy Katy, Texas

Black marriage counseling Houston, TX

Keep in mind that because of online therapy, you can meet with any couples therapist throughout the state of Texas. You don’t have to focus on couples therapists in Houston alone. Marriage therapists are licensed to work with anybody within their specific state. So if you happen to love a couples counselor who is not in your city, you can still work with them as long as they are licensed in your state.

Ask around in your church for a referral for Christian marriage counseling in Houston

Sometimes people avoid marriage counseling because they do not know that there are Christian marriage counselors in Houston. If your religion or spirituality is very important to you and you want to integrate your faith into your marriage counseling, a good place to start could actually be your church or place of worship. If you feel comfortable asking around, you might want to ask your pastor, bishop, priest, or religious leader for a few referrals.

You may actually be surprised to find out that a lot of churches actually encourage Christian couples counseling or Christian relationship counseling outside of the church as they know that licensed marriage and family therapists in Houston have a deeper training in relational dynamics and human emotions than pastors do. So don't be shy, ask your church for some referrals.

Ask your friends or loved ones for a referral to a marriage counselor in Houston

I can assure you that you are not the only person who is struggling within your marriage or relationship. Chances are that your friends or loved ones have also struggled too. I bet that one or two people whom you know have actually been in couples therapy in Houstonbefore. Sometimes the people with the strongest marriages actually do have the strongest marriages because they seek further counseling from professionals.

Ask them what exactly it is that they liked about their marriage counselor, ask them to tell you about their experience, and decide whether or not this might be the thing for you.

Try searching for a marriage counselor in Houston by searching on a therapist or counselor directory

These days there are a ton of different therapy or counseling directories that have done the work for you. Some of the directories that you can go on are:

Therapy for Black girls

Clinicians of Color Directory

Psychology Today

Melanin and Mental Health

Therapy Den

There are even specific directories to find therapists who integrate faith.

The great thing about these directories is that they let you narrow your search according to your state, ZIP Code, what type of insurance you have, your faith or religion, the gender of the therapist, as well as a long list of other filters. These can rapidly cut down on your search time.

Do not feel the need to come up with a long list of 10 therapists. Just pick about three or four and roll with it.

Do some background research when you have narrowed down to about 3 to 4 marriage counselors in Houston

Therapy is an emotional and financial investment in the health of your marriage. If you are to spend an hour a week pouring out your heart to a marriage counselor, then you better love the approach of the marriage counselor.

When you have come up with your shortlist of 3 to 4 marriage counselors, spend some time doing some background work on them. Go to their websites, and see if the website speaks to you. I highly suggest that you also include your partner in this search, as it is important that they also feel comfortable with the therapist that you choose.

Set up a free consultation call for marriage counseling in Houston

Some couples therapists in Houston offer free 15 to 20 minute consultation calls. This is a great time to ask questions, find out more about their marriage therapy style and feel out their vibe. If you feel comfortable with them over the phone, then you can move to the next step, which would be to schedule your first couples counseling appointment.

Searching for the right marriage therapist does not have to take a ton of time. But it does involve some research and patience on your part. Once you find a therapist you love, dive right in, Your relationship will thank you.

If you are ready to begin the work of healing your marriage, I am a Black marriage therapist in the Houston area, who sees clients throughout Texas and California. Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call to determine if I’m the best fit for you.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a Black licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Dear Superwoman: Let Your Husband In—He’s Your Partner, Not Your Project

One of my missions as a licensed marriage and family therapists is to help the women I work with, learn how to get rid of superwoman syndrome.

“What’s that?” you ask.

Well, Superwoman syndrome (it’s not an actual diagnosable syndrome BTW) is the idea that you are so capable, responsible and independent that you struggle to ask anyone around you for help. While that might sound like a great thing, it could leave you overburdened, burned out and resentful. The people around you get so used to you taking care of everything by yourself that they stop asking you if you need help.

Because no one checks up on you, you begin to resent the people around you, you feel lonely and things don’t look good. You get it?

Superwoman syndrome can be a big problem in a marriage. Because you find yourself carrying majority of the emotional load, while your spouse appears to live his best life. The trouble is your spouse might not have any idea that you’re actually resentful of him or struggling in any way.

You see, couples often get used to a specific dance. In this case the dance looks like you being super independent and capable, carrying majority of the emotional and/or domestic load, while your spouse gets to luxuriate (also probably not a real word).

How do you fix this persistent problem?

1) Check in with yourself to find out what you need

When you’re so used to playing the superwoman role, you might expect everyone to jump in to help you because it’s ‘Common sense’ or because you are used to jumping in without being told. Well, there’s no such thing as common sense and a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

So ask yourself what areas you’re actually willing to delegate. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself resisting this step. Because you are so used to doing things by yourself, you might not know how to check in with yourself. It’s a practice. Set aside 5 minutes a day to sit in a quite place and ask yourself what you need. Mentally comb through some of the activities of the day and ask yourself what or who could make your life easier. Write it down.

2) Have a sit down talk with your husband

Now that you know what you need, it’s time to let your husband know what you need. And even if you’ve been married for 15 years, he still isn’t a mind reader and he has no clue what your emotional needs are. So, use this simple template:

I need [————-] from you because [————]. Then go into specifics.

It could be something as simple as I need more support from you because I am feeling tired and burned out. Then proceed to further define what support is. What he thinks is supportive isn’t what you might think is supportive.

3) Avoid the blame game

When you have this conversation with your husband, please avoid name calling, finger pointing attacking him or blaming him. This will only lead to an argument which will distract both of you from the initial goal, which was to help both of you feel more connected and to free you from superwoman syndrome.

4) Talk about your feelings

I am a huge fan of feeling words because they help others truly understand what is going on in your internal world. It is the closest thing to real time mind reading. When people who love you truly understand the feelings that are underneath your request, it helps to seal the deal.

Help your husband understand what burn out feels like. Helps him udnersstnd that you feel isolated because you’re spending so much time helping others. Help him understand how sad it is for you to constantly check in on others while everyone assumes you’re doing well. If you’re not sure how you feel, use this feelings wheel to help you pick the appropriate words.

A simple way to communicate your feelings is by using the formula below:

I feel [—-] about [—-] and here is what I need [—-]

For example, “I feel sad about not being checked on. I need you to send me a daily text to see how my work day is going.”

OR

“I feel overwhelmed picking the kids up from school every day. I need you to alternate school pick ups with me so I can get a break.”

Remember that your husband is your ally. He wants to support you, but he can’t do that if he has no clue what type of support you need.

If you are ready to learn how to genuinely communicate your emotional needs with your spouse so that you can stop having the same arguments each month, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me for couples therapy in Houston.