How Highly Sensitive People Can Set Clear Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty.

Why Saying ‘No’ Feels So Hard: The Struggle of High-Performing, Highly Sensitive Women

When you are a high achieving, highly sensitive woman, it is very difficult to say ‘no’ in your personal relationships. Sometimes you know that your energy is completely spent, but you feel extremely guilty just at the thought of saying no.

Because of your deep level of overthinking as well as the deep amounts of empathy that you possess, you feel like you owe people your efforts and energy because you are so good at helping people. “If I can help them, what’s the harm in doing so? Why should I turn them away?”

And so when you have times when you have to walk away from the needs of others, you feel very guilty. You might even find yourself helping others while putting your own needs on the back burner. The problem with this is that you become the go to person or the super woman who people think can always figure things out- which can cause you to feel internally frustrated.

Another problem is that sometimes you say ‘yes’ to their requests, but you secretly resent your loved ones because in your mind you my think, “She knew I was tired and that I am completely spent, so why is she still asking for my help?”

There's constantly this push and pull between wanting to help and needing to protect your own energy. This is especially true for highly sensitive women who do not have a whole lot of bandwidth. What do I mean by this? This means that when you juggle a whole lot of tasks and responsibilities, by the end of the day you feel completely overstimulated, tired, frustrated and maybe even unable to focus on sleep. This means that the difficulty in saying ‘no’ is actually costing you your emotional health.

Brainspotting for Boundary Setting: How Therapy Can Help You Find Your Inner ‘No’

One of my favorite things to do in my trauma therapy practice in Houston, is to help highly sensitive and deeply emotionally attuned women finally find their inner ‘no.’ It is possible for you to set clear boundaries and still have a good balance between taking care of your own emotional needs, while supporting your loved ones. You see, when your loved ones know that you have solid, healthy boundaries, after a while they will have no choice but to adjust to you.

It shifts you from the role of enabler to the role of chief supporter of your loved ones. Your loved ones will finally learn to take a moment to try to help themselves first before they jump on the phone to call you. They will learn how to think for themselves and find solutions for themselves before tapping into you. This is a win-win for everyone.

But before you can notice behavioral change, the change has to first of all start in your mind. Particularly in your actual brain. Through Brainspotting therapy in Houston, we work on releasing some of the guilt and anxiety that you have around boundary setting. We identify some of the emotional blocks and areas of ‘stuckness’ that have been hardwired into you. Once your body has been able to process, digest and then release these emotional blocks, they no longer have you in a chokehold.

You will then find that it is so much easier to know how you are feeling around boundary setting, identify the boundaries that are healthy for you and then go one more step by communicating exactly what the boundaries are. You can become a communication ninja who is able to be both assertive and kind. Yes, it is possible.

People-Pleasing vs. Personal Power: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Set Loving Boundaries

One of the struggles I see in my Houston therapy practice is that a lot of my highly sensitive female clients often struggle with the need to please others. They want people to be happy with them, they want to be liked and they do not like to ruffle feathers. They also do not enjoy having difficult conversations in their personal relationships. They want to be seen as the good, kind woman. And most of my clients are indeed the good, kind woman.

But the problem with people pleasing is that you always find yourself at the bottom of the barrel. Sometimes, even your loved ones who might come off as having the best of intentions, will sometimes take advantage of your kind nature. And so the question becomes, “How do I maintain personal power in my relationships?”

The first thing to ask yourself when you are creating boundaries is “How do I feel about the situation?” Use feeling words like ‘Happy, confused, disrespected, sad, overlooked, invisible.’ This can help you really pinpoint what is going on for you internally.

Next, ask yourself “How do I want to feel about the situation?” Use another feeling word like ‘Empowered, strong, happy, respected, important.’

Now that you know the outcome that you want, it is time to identify what you need.

For example, if you want to feel empowered, then you might need to have your voice be heard. A simple way to state what you need is by using this simple formula:

I feel [insert emotion word] about [insert situation], what I need is [insert need here].

Spend some time practicing this formula until you feel confident about it. Once you feel a little bit more confident about it, then it is time to communicate it to your loved one. Remember that boundary setting does not happen overnight, it is some thing that you get better at as you practice more and more.

Boundaries Without the Guilt: How to Say ‘No’ and Still Feel Like the Amazing Woman You Are

Setting firm boundaries in your personal relationships will actually create closeness in those relationships. If you are in relationships with people who care about you and respect you, they actually want to ensure that your boundaries are protected. They care about your well-being, and so they will be willing to listen to you when you tell them what is hurtful versus what can empower you.

Sometimes when you set boundaries, you might feel like you're letting others down. But remember that you cannot be all things to all people all the time. There will be times when you cannot meet the needs of others because your needs are not being met or because you're simply too tired. Sometimes your schedule is just so full that you cannot accommodate everybody else. You are not a martyr. It is important that your needs are met and your feelings are treated as important too.

And so when you start to set boundaries, remind yourself that it is OK to let others down sometimes. It is also OK that your needs be met as well. Boundary setting helps people understand what your need are and it helps them be there for you. That also creates a level of vulnerability. Without vulnerability there is not true, deep connection with our loved ones.

Stop the Overwhelm: How Brainspotting Helps High-Performing Women Set Clear Boundaries

One of my favorite things about Brainspotting therapy in Houston is that it actually helps to calm your nervous system by giving highly sensitive women the clarity and confidence they need to set boundaries that protect their emotional well-being. When you know that you were able to speak up for yourself and set good boundaries, you feel so much more comfortable in your own skin. You feel like you're able to protect yourself from the big, bad world. Your loved ones also know how to meet you at the point of your need, so you know longer have to wear the cape of superwoman. Brainspotting provides so much clarity and you begin to notice behavioral and relational patterns that you did not even know were there. When you know these patterns, you are at a better position to fix them.

Ready to set boundaries without the guilt? Try Brainspotting Therapy in Houston! Brainspotting can help you find emotional clarity, set boundaries, and maintain healthy personal relationships—all while thriving in your high-achieving lifestyle. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation call today and find out if Brainspotting therapy in Houston is right for you.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High performing women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Trauma Therapy in Houston: How to Choose the Right Trauma Therapist for You

Finding a therapist is rough work. It’s already hard enough to be going through a tough time, but knowing where to start in picking a new therapist can be just as hard as the actual therapy process.

When you finally summon up the courage to reach out to a few therapists, you are shocked at how many therapists there are in the Houston area alone and how many of them do not respond to your requests. I pride myself in responding to every message I receive within 2 business days.

Now you feel like you are at a loss and no one will help you.

The up side of healing from trauma is that therapy does not have to take years and years. With innovative models of therapy like brainspotting, it is effective and it gets the job done in less time than with traditional talk therapy.

Sounds like music to your efficient, busy and high performing ears!

Now let’s move on to how to find a therapist without too much stress.

What to Look for in a Trauma Therapist in Houston

Before searching online or asking your friends for referrals, take some time to ask yourself what qualities you want in a trauma therapist.

Think about:

• Therapist’s Personality (that definitely matters). Do you want someone who can flow between office speak and slang? Or would you rather have a straight laced therapist? I for one like to raise an eyebrow every once in a while, and even though we’re working on trauma, I will have you laughing harder than you’ve done in ages.

• Therapist’s Religious Background. I incorporate biblical knowledge into my therapy sessions for my Christian clients who request it. And yes, discussions about the Holy Spirit are abundant. Now, I don’t indoctrinate or interpret scripture, but we do use the Bible as a guide.

  Ask yourself if you want therapy to be secular or if incorporating your faith is important.

• Therapist’s Gender. You want to go with whomever you are most comfortable with. Don’t force it.

• Therapist’s Age. Do you want someone who is close to your age? Older? Younger than you?

• Therapist’s Specialty. Please note that not all therapists work with trauma. And brainspotting is a very specialized type of therapy, so if you want brainspotting to be used, ask about this specifically.

• Therapist’s Experience. You may ask about how long they’ve been practicing, what they are trained in, as well as their specific experience with the issue that has brought you into therapy.

The ultimate thing is that your therapist must align with your personal healing goals.

How Brainspotting Sets Trauma Therapists in Houston Apart

Brainspotting is my choice when working with trauma because it is fast, gentle, efficient and gets the job done. I’m not here to bash CBT or talk therapy, but I just find that brainspotting helps heal trauma without re-traumatizing you.

As a busy woman in Houston, you don’t have time to waste. You feel like you have lost some time suffering in silence. And once you’re ready to heal, you deserve to be able to jump in and reclaim your life.

Brainspotting essentially uses eye movements to help you connect to the deeper layers of the brain where emotions and deeper trauma tend to be locked up. It’ll help you find the trauma, process it, digest it, then you’re good to go.

Whereas with traditional talk therapy, it might take quite a few sessions for you to get to the roots of your trauma, talking back and forth with your therapist. Brainspotting doesn’t need any detailed explanations or setups- you can dive right in. I tend to start actual brainspotting in session 2.

Why Local Matters: The Importance of Finding a Trauma Therapist in Houston

With virtual therapy, you can work with any therapist who is licensed in Texas, however the beauty of working with a local Houston therapist is they tend to understand Houston culture. You don’t have to spend half the time trying to describe your expriences to them.

They get it.

A local therapist knows the lay of the land, has a good understanding of your frustrations and they just know how to help you all the more.

It is pretty important to ensure that the therapist you pick is a great cultural fit.

What does that mean?

Do they understand the issues you face? Issues of race, gender, immigration status, family of origin issues, high sensitivity issues, work related issues, your entrepreneurship issues, etc. All the little layers that create stress in your life or make you who you are.

Questions to Ask When Choosing a Trauma Therapist in Houston

After you have decided on what you would like in a therapist, it’s time to do an actual search.

Here are 3 general ways to find a therapist:

1) Do a search on Google or social media (Yup, some of us are on IG, Youtube, Facebook, etc)

2) Ask your friends or loved ones for referrals. This doesn’t necessarily guarantee that the therapist they send you will be a cultural fit. But it’s a start.

3) Utilize a therapist directory. Some popular ones are Psychology Today, Therapy for Black Girls, Therapy Den, Melanin and Mental Health.

When you use the above 3 ways, browse the therapist’s profile and website to get a general feel for their personality and if they meet any of the criteria you outlined above (gender, race, experience, speciality, etc).

Next, here are some possible questions to ask the therapist when you have a consultation with them (Not all therapists offer a free consultation like I do).

Questions to ask a prospective trauma therapist:

• How long have you been practicing?

• What is your educational background?

• What are your areas of expertise? Do you specialize in trauma therapy?

• Do you use brainspotting?

• How would you describe your therapy style?

• What can I expect during our therapy sessions?

Feel free to add any other questions that come up for you.

How to Take the First Step with a Trauma Therapist in Houston

Once you’ve gone through the therapists’ websites or profiles, pick about 3-5 that stand out the most to you.

No overthinking.

Just go with your gut. Look on their websites to see if there is a calendar or link for you to book a consultation call.

Once you’ve done a few consults and you’re ready to start therapy, all you really need during your first session is an open mind, some trust in your new therapist and things to keep you comfy.

Some of my clients will have a blanket, comfy footwear (or no footwear at all), water, a pen, a notebook, and of course a tissue box.

Yes, therapy will most likely involve some tears. It’s a part of the process.

Starting therapy is such a brave, empowering step- especially when you decide to pick a cutting edge therapy like brainspotting. But it is your commitment to healing that will eventually have you feeling whole again.

Ready to start your healing journey with a trauma therapist in Houston? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for brainspotting therapy and experience trauma therapy designed for you. Let's reclaim your life together!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Finding the Best Trauma Therapist in Houston and Katy: Empowering Women to Heal

You’ve had it rough. Lots of cruel, sad things have happened to you, and you’re not sure how you’ve survived or made it this far. You’ve noticed that you’re snappy, you struggle to engage with friends, and your walls are up. Maybe it’s time to find a great trauma therapist in Houston to help you finally heal from the trauma.

You’re tired of being a hard shell. You want to enter your soft girl era.

Trauma therapy is so important because it helps you process through all the yucky memories that are sitting in your body and mind. They say the body doesn't forget.

And that is why I love brainspotting trauma therapy. It’s a non traditional way of approaching trauma in a gentler, but still effective way. With traditional talk therapy it might take a really long time to even feel comfortable broaching the topic of trauma.

But with brainspotting, you can jump right in. Your body does the work for you. And it takes you where you need to go without all the overthinking and cerebral-ness you’ve grown accustomed to.

We know that trauma can have you feeling disconnected from your own body. Brainspotting therapy helps you feel at home again.

So if you’re a woman in Houston or Katy who knows that the time is right for trauma therapy, please know that the first step is to find the right trauma therapist for you. Because the single most important factor in the success of therapy is the fit between the therapist and the client.

What Does a Trauma Therapist in Houston Do?

My job as a trauma therapist is simply to create a safe container so that we can begin to give you access to some of the memories that are locked safely inside your brain.

You see, when you go through trauma, your body does a protective thing by helping you forget some of the information. The problem is from time to time, when you least expect it, some of these memories seep back in at the most inconvenient of times. 

And so you sometimes find yourself crying, feeling angry, muscle tightening up, not trusting loved ones, feeling unsafe, and just wanting to crawl up into a ball.

My job is to give you a safe way to begin to unlock and kinda digest those memories so they stop controlling you. In addition to opening you up during brainspotting, I bring in additional skills to help you calm and soothe your body. Because I don’t want you feeling like you have lost all control when you're at the office, when you’re trying to raise your kids or when you’re simply driving down the street. 

Why Houston and Katy are Great for Finding Specialized Trauma Therapy

The great thing about the Houston area and Katy being so large is that there is a wide array of competent trauma therapists to choose from. There also is a positive culture of seeking physical and emotional wellness here. You can narrow down by gender, ethnicity, years of experience, style, location, personality, religion etc. You basically have your pick- and that’s a great spot for you to be in.

Brainspotting: A Unique Approach to Healing Trauma

So let’s go back to brainspotting. If you've been doing your research on trauma therapy, you’ve probably heard about EMDR therapy. Well, brainspotting, in my opinion, is the gentler cousin of EMDR. 

Brainspotting utilizes your eye movements to help you locate the trauma in the brain so that you can digest it and eliminate it.

There isn’t a whole lot of talking from your therapist. It feels like you get locked in the zone and your brain will naturally bring up whatever needs to come up. I call it ‘Supercharged therapy.’ It’s great for the busy woman who is definitely ready to heal, but does not want to spend a ton of time going back and forth with her therapist.

How Brainspotting Differs from Traditional Talk Therapy

With traditional talk therapy, you might have to give your therapist a play by play of exactly what happened to you. Your therapist asks you questions, you answer them, and then you ping back and forth.

But sometimes giving a play by play of exactly what happened feels like you are getting traumatized all over again.

Let’s be honest, as a busy woman, who has time for all that? You want to get straight to the root of the trauma and yank it out (gently of course) from your brain so it stops controlling you.

Finding a Trauma Therapist in Houston Who Specializes in Brainspotting

If you have decided that you are indeed ready for trauma therapy, then it’s time to start your search. 

You can just start with a simple google search. Type in “Trauma therapist Houston” or “Brainspotting therapist Houston.” This is where you need to trust your gut. Pull up the first 5-7 websites and read through them.

Does the therapist appear approachable?

Do they mention trauma or brainspotting?

What are your first impressions of the therapist? Go with that. If you feel meh, then skip on by and move on to the next person.

Once you have narrowed it down to about 3-4 therapists you like, you can schedule a consultation call to see if you feel comfortable with them. Now is the time to be clear on what you want to accomplish, find out about the therapist’s background and style.

If Google searches aren’t your thing, you can use a therapist directory, so you can narrow down by gender, specialty, religion, etc. Some helpful therapist directories are:

• Psychology Today

• Therapy for Black Girls

• Therapy Den

• Melanin and Mental Health

What to Expect During Your First Session with a Trauma Therapist

The first step in trauma therapy is typically the assessment session. If I were your therapist, I would want to know all the things about you because it helps me know what interventions to bring in for you. I do not offer cookie cutter service. Period.

You’ll learn about your rights as a client, your responsibilities a client, my responsibilities to you as a therapist, we’ll also talk about your upbringing, social environment, emotional status, romantic relationships, how your career is going, spiritual life, prior diagnoses and experiences with physical and mental health.

All. The. Things.

Why do I need to know this? Because I am looking at you as a unique human. I am assessing to see if trauma therapy is right for you. We are also building a rapport. You’re getting used to me and vice versa.

I will also walk you through what to expect from brainspotting, so that there will be no ugly surprises.

How Trauma Therapy Helps Women in Houston and Katy Reclaim Their Lives

Why do I love brainspotting trauma therapy so much? Because it frees women. They come in feeling small, stifled, overwhelmed, stuck, burdened. And they leave feeling like they can speak up, lift their heads up and go through life without the ugly fog that has been hanging over their heads for years

Taking the First Step: How to Connect with a Trauma Therapist in Houston

Although I’ve already said this, I need to drive it home. Once you select 3-4 therapists, reach out to them through their website or the therapist directory.

Ugly secret. Some therapists will not give you a call back (Not me. I respond to every single email, text and voicemail within 2 business days). It’s because we typically are solo business owners who are doing all the things alone. Don’t fret. If you don’t get a timely response, just move on over to the next person on your list.

Please know that it might take you a few tries to find the therapist for you. But please keep trying until you find the right match.

Ready to start your healing journey with a trauma therapist in Houston? Click here today to book your free consultation call for Brainspotting trauma therapy in Houston and take the first step toward reclaiming your life.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.