Perhaps you have thought of seeking a therapist, but you are not sure what the outcome will be. Maybe your friends have had a negative interaction with a therapist, which makes you wary. Below I address a few myths about therapy and I delve into the truth from my perspective.
Please note that all therapists are different, and each of us approaches our work in a different way.
Your therapist only talks about the past:
I’ve read this one in many social media forums. There is a general idea that it is the therapist’s job to blame your mother for everything that’s going wrong in your life or to only focus on the things that have happened in your past. Well many many years ago, there was a time when your mother would have been blamed for pretty much every shortcoming you have. But we therapists have advanced beyond that. We now know that even though your environment does shape you, your personality, other biological factors and life experiences all play a role in your life.
So don’t worry. I will most certainly NOT focus solely on your past when you come to see me. While I believe that your past is a window into your present, I don’t dwell entirely on the past.
Your therapist can’t help you with your goals and dreams:
Many people believe that a therapist is simply someone who diagnoses you, but then after that the focus is on ‘Fixing.’ The truth is that there are many theoretical orientations that therapists adhere to. I utilize Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Solution Focused Therapy. As a Solution Focused Therapist we talk about what you want your life to look like, and we then create practical steps to help you get there. It’s quite present focused and it’s very powerful in helping you figure out what barriers prevent you from reaching your dreams, as well as getting the motivation to actually make those dreams come true.
Your therapist is focused on pathology and mental illness:
A lot of people run away from therapists because they believe that they will be diagnosed with some scary illness. I totally get it. I wouldn’t want a scary illness following me around either. If this is a concern for you, have a conversation with your therapist before you begin services. Ask him or her if there will be a diagnosis, and I also encourage you to ask about what diagnosis will be given to you. Knowledge is power.
When I meet with clients, my focus is actually more on their strengths than their areas of growth. I believe it is my job to help you uncover strengths so that you can utilize those strengths to actually become the person you’ve dreamed of. We also talk about your support system and how they can help you improve your life.
Side note: If you plan to use your healthcare insurance, it’s important to know that insurance companies typically only reimburse services if your therapist has diagnosed you. So this is an important factor to weigh when you decide to go through your insurance. Depending on your future career, a mental health diagnosis does remain as part of your permanent record.
Your therapist has to tell your loved ones that you’re in therapy:
This is a big, fat no no. Now while there are some situations in which the therapist might have to involve your loved ones in your care (for example if you are a danger to yourself), whatever you say in the therapy room is typically not shared with your loved ones, employer or colleague. Now if you want your loved ones involved in your care or if you want to bring them into session to support you, you absolutely can work that out with your therapist. But when you work with a therapist, expect that your information will remain the therapy room.
A special note here. Therapists are mandated reporters, so in some cases we will have to make a report. Read more about that here.
Your therapist will shame you:
It is never your therapist’s job to shame you, berate you or make you feel bad about yourself. Her (or his) job is to be your support, to help you feel better, to discover patterns of behavior that you haven’t noticed about yourself, and to see improvement. We do a lot deeper work than if you were to read a self development book. If your therapist is shaming you, it’ll be really difficult for therapy to be successful.
All your therapist does is nod and smile:
While it might seem like all we do is nod and smile, we are paying serious attention to you. We are looking at your body language to see if you are comfortable, uncomfortable and how things are affecting you. We actively listen for patterns that might be important for us to change. In some forms of therapy like in EMDR or Brainspotting, the therapist might even bring in gadgets to help you change unhelpful patterns. In some instances we bring in worksheets, videos, or audio materials to help you. Outside of session we often plan out the session ahead of time, look for helpful materials and when you leave the room, we are ensuring that we are keeping good notes so that we can continue with an effective plan of action. Sometimes we even coordinate your care with your psychiatrist, physician or any other professional in your life whom you choose to be a part of your care.
You have to be on medication to be in therapy:
As a licensed marriage and family therapist in California, I am unable to prescribe or sell you medications. I am even unable to give you advice about what medications to take and when to take them. Medication is the job of nurses, physicians and pharmacists. In fact you do not have to be on medication or even want medication to be in therapy. Medication is your choice and you can decide to do what is best for you. If you are thinking about taking medications, I would highly suggest that you have a conversation with a physician so that you can make an informed decision.
Therapy is for “Crazy people” with serious problems:
I hear this one A LOT. The truth is I have never had a “Crazy” client and I am not even sure what that word means. To participate in therapy, you have to have a certain level of insight. It’s important that you aware of who you are, where you are, what day and time it is, what goals you are trying to accomplish, etc. To work with me, we have to be able to communicate with each other effectively and I only work with people who actually want to work with me. So I guess “Crazy people” by default, probably won’t be able to benefit from traditional therapy.
You also don’t have to have “Serious” life and death problems to benefit from therapy. Some people come to therapy after they relocate so they can work on the adjustment. Others come because they have struggles in their jobs, mild depression, mild anxiety, struggles in their relationship, difficulty making friends, or they just need someone to provide them with emotional support.
Sometimes mom life can get you feeling stressed or sleeping issues and insomnia can lead you to seek therapy (Another side note: Yes your therapist can help you resolve insomnia. I personally utilize a short-term 5 to 7 session insomnia treatment called CBT for insomnia or CBT i. Read more about that here). No problem is too small for therapy because we can all benefit from a little extra support. Sometimes, therapy is purely preventative. You come in when your symptoms are still very mild so that you prevent them from becoming severe.
If you’re ready to try therapy and get rid of anxiety or insomnia, I offer a free 15 minute consultation call. While my therapy office is in Murrieta, I also see women from all over California via a secure form of tele therapy. Click here to request your free consultation call.
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