Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA &amp; TX

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/27/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/27/25

Lost in Translation? How Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Helps HSP Wives Bridge the Communication Gap

Struggling to feel heard in your Christian marriage? Many HSP wives feel dismissed. Christian marriage counseling in Houston offers faith-based empathy to bridge the gap. A Black therapist in Houston can help you reconnect—heart to heart. Read my full blog.

The Silent Struggle: Why Highly Sensitive Wives Feel Unheard in Marriage

People are born highly sensitive. If you ask your parents or childhood caregivers to tell you about yourself when you were a baby, they might say something like “You cried a lot.” “We just couldn’t put you down.” “You were very cuddly and clingy.” Or “We had to make sure the lights and environment were just right, or else you would scream your head off.” Although your caregivers might not even have known what high sensitivity is, they would have just known that there was something special about you.

And special isn’t a bad thing.

I believe that sensitivity is a God designed trait of strength- not weakness. Many highly sensitive people tend to be really close to God and pour out their hearts in prayer and service. They notice the subtle shifts in the environment that no one does. Some of them even tend to see visions and dream dreams. That can’t possibly be a bad thing. It is only perceived as bad when your friends and family members don’t know what to do with you. They notice that you experience emotions on a much deeper level that they do, and because they can’t understand what’s going on, they label you in a negative light.

When you are a HSP who is married to a non-HSP spouse, you can feel deeply overwhelmed, because he can trigger you unknowingly. He comes in, turns on the bright lights, blasts the music and all you want to do is just sit in a dim corner so you can reset your tired nervous system. When you get into a disagreement with him, he wants to settle it there and then, while you want to take your time to process. And when you finally are able to speak about the issue, 2 days have passed. He has completely forgotten about the issue by then. You feel dismissed and invalidated. You value process as opposed to solutions but he just wants to fix things quickly without talking about emotions and soft things.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston provides a safe space to be understood. Your non sensitive husband willl learn a bit more about what high sensitivity is. He will learn to compromise in some other areas, and you in turn, will learn how to communicate without shutting down or dragging the issue for 2 days before coming to resolution. You will learn how to regulate your nervous system so you’re not constantly lashing out.

From Frustration to Connection: Biblical Principles for Healthy Communication

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Proverbs 15:1. It says “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” Sometimes one person has to take a step back and lead with a gentle word. Once 1 person starts to escalate, it’s time for the other person to jump off what I call ‘The crazy train.’ It’s also important to know that it takes 2 to fight. If you speak gently to a yelling person. they have no choice but to deescalate naturally. You can’t argue with yourself.

It is important to express emotions in a way that your husband can understand. Help him understand why certain things are so important to you. Emotions are much more important than settling arguments. Talk about what you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, what you need from him, and also take accountability and apologize for any part you played in creating the problem. Here is an example. Imagine you both had an argument about who forgot to pick up your child from school. Here is what you can say to him:

“I felt panicked when I found out that Stacy was left behind at school. It reminded me of the times when my dad was too busy to take me to the park or come to my recitals. I do apologize for not letting you know that she gets out early today. And I also apologize for yelling at you when I found out she wasn't picked up. What we can do next time is put it all on the family calendar and ensure that we receive notifications the day before. I can also text you the day before so you remember if her schedule changes.”

You see, good communication isn’t just about sorting out disagreements. It is really about emotional connection. When your husband hears you and understands your emotional stance, he is better able to connect with you. He also learns what your triggers are and how to stay away from them. You in turn feel seen, validated and can bring your guard further down.

As a Black therapist in Houston my job is to help bridge the cultural and emotional gap in communication between you and your spouse. Even if you and your spouse grew up in the same environment, you will still face some cultural differences. Because you were raised in different households, you have different personalities and temperaments. I understand the nuances of being a Black immigrant in Houston. But I also help you give language to the way you feel. Together we will construct a marriage that is rich in friendship, low in drawn out disagreements and you will rediscover intimacy.

The Role of a Black Christian Therapist: How Cultural Understanding Strengthens Marriage Counseling

It is important to find a marriage therapist in Houston who understands the Christian faith because your values are grounded in your faith. As a Christian therapist, I incorporate biblical principles so that you can act out your roles in the way that God intended. Shared cultural values and faith matter in therapy so that you do not end up losing your soul as you are in search of marital cohesion. We absolutely do not have to separate your faith from your healing.

As a Black therapist in Houston, I can offer deeper insights into the unique challenges of faith, marriage, and emotional expression. There’s no need for code switching or deep explanations into your life when you work with me- as we already have some cultural commonalities. It is important to feel safe and understood in therapy- especially if you are a highly sensitive woman. Because highly sensitive women often feel misunderstood and invalidated, it can be even more disappointing when they are shut down by therapists. Not only am I a Black immigrant therapist, I also happen to be a highly sensitive woman, so I get it.

Don’t get me wrong though, not all highly sensitive people are the same, so I won’t typecast you or make assumptions about you, but we do share some traits. If you have been struggling in your marriage for years, please don’t fret. Seeking help is a sign that you truly want to move forward. It is not a sign of weakness, but an act of faith and strength.

My job as a marriage therapist in Houston is to also help you and your spouse celebrate your differences without having them become a source of constant frustration and disagreements. You will learn how to communicate in a way that your spouse can understand, and you will also get a deeper feeling of empathy towards your spouse. Empathy is the road towards understanding and deeper intimacy.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Communication with Your Non-HSP Husband

It is absolutely possible to repair the communication problems in your marriage- even if they’ve lingered for years. The first step is willingness. Both of you have to decide that you will start to do things differently. If you feel guilty, scared or apprehensive when you express your feelings to your spouse (I’m not talking about an abusive relationship here), it is important to let your spouse know so that he is gentler with you. Let him know that you sometimes need a little extra time to process your thoights and you would value it if he spent a bit of time listening to your thoights and emotions. Sometimes non-HSP husbands can be so outcome oriented that they completely skip past the listening and unearthing of emotions that HSPs value so much.

Active listening is one of the most important skills to master within a marriage relationship. Active listening simply means when you are listening to your spouse talk, you:

1- Suspend judgement

2- Hold off on everything you want to say

3- Ensure that you are not distracted

4- Listen to every word he/she says

5- Reflect back what you hear with the intention of knowing you might be corrected.

6- Try to really understand his/her point of view before stating yours.

You are essentially playing the role of a court stenographer. You are recording just the facts- your personal thoughts and emotions aren’t important when your spouse is speaking, You will get your turn too. Remember to validate his/her emotions after listening. Validation dosnt’t mean agreement. it simply means you can understand how the situation can trigger certain emotions for your spouse. It helps him/her feel seen.

A simple exercise I have my clients do as a Christian marriage counselor in Houston is to download the Gottman card decks app. it has tons of conversation starters to help you better understand and get used to relating closely with your spouse. It’s a great avenue to get to know your spouse better and to practice active listening skills.

As Christians, we are called to be slow to anger, slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). So the art of active listening isn’t just a therapy gimmick, it’s something we should master as Christians. Learning this skill will help improve understanding in your marriage relationship and improve trust. When your spouse feels heard and validated, it can help bring the walls down and therefore bring you closer.

Take the First Step: Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Can Help You Feel Heard

If communication is an ongoing problem in your marriage, never fret. You do not have to struggle alone. As a Black therapist in Houston, I provide faith centered and culturally attuned therapy so that you can have the space to heal and grow in your marriage. Take the first step toward a stronger, more connected marriage—schedule your free 15-minute marriage counseling consultation today! I offer virtual therapy services to clients throughout CA and TX.

About Me

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/20/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/20/25

Christian Therapist in Houston Shares: Why Communication Feels So Hard in a High-Sensitive & Non-Sensitive Marriage

Why does communication feel so hard between a highly sensitive and non-sensitive spouse? A Christian therapist in Houston offers insight into the emotional disconnect and how couples can begin to bridge the gap with compassion. Read my blog to explore a new path forward—together.

Understanding the Communication Struggles in a High-Sensitive & Non-Sensitive Marriage

High sensitivity can be characterized by these 4 elements.

Depth of processing: Spending a lot of time and energy to think about or process what goes on inside your body and in your external environment.

Overarousability or Overstimulation: Because you notice so much going on within and outside of you, you feel burned out by the end of the day. It feels like sitting in a room full of people and all of a sudden you want to either run away from the room or go somewhere to take a nap. Your body works so hard that the energy drains from you quickly.

Emotional reactivity and empathy: You feel the emotions of others deeply. Sometimes you struggle to know if your emotions are yours or if they belong to the other person. And because of this, you react to thing and people who trigger your emotions perhaps in a bigger way than non highly sensitive people.

Sensing the subtle: You notice pretty much everything- subtle changes in the body language of others, a slight shift in the smell of the room, the fabric tag that lays at the back of your neck and even slight changes in temperature and texture.

And with all the above constantly going on within the highly sensitive person, your non highly sensitive spouse has no clue why you retreat, or suddenly goes quiet when you are at a party, or might want to avoid social interactions on the weekend if you’ve already had a full week.

Being highly sensitive can sometimes feel like you are drinking from a fire hose all the time. You notice every little detail while trying to focus on having a simple conversation with your spouse. And so you might appear distracted or it might look like you are not processing what he is saying fast enough. This can of course end up in disagreements and arguments. Or when something big is bothering you, but your spouse says “It’s not a big deal.” In that moment, you feel completely dismissed.

Why Feeling Dismissed Hurts More Than You Think (And What to Do About It)

When you go for months or even years without feeling heard and seen in your marriage, anger, bitterness and maybe even resentment can come in. This worsens if you feel as if you are really good at understanding your husband’s point of view, but the sentiments aren’t returned. Eventually it might lead you to withdraw, rather than leaning in to him like healthy couples do. You start to wonder if he loves you at all. When you feel misunderstood and unheard, it could also lead you to lose your temper or yell, so that you can be heard more. But ironically, yelling leads to disconnection.

Over time, this unchecked frustration can eventually lead to distance and resentment. When you feel offended by a statement your husband made, rather than turning to him to fix it and give you more context, you swallow it up and assume the worst of him. We call this ‘Negative sentiment override.’ It’s essentially the idea that you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’ve experienced so many negative or invalidating statements from your spouse, that even when he is trying to understand you, you assume the interaction will be negative. Your guard is up.

This is where I come in. My role as a Christian marriage counselor in Houston is to teach couples how to communicate with empathy and patience. I teach you how to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, so that you can develop the empathy to understand his thoughts and feelings. I teach you how to turn the negative sentiment override into a positive sentiment override in which you assume the best of your partner and he does the same of you. You learn active listening skills so that we can reduce misunderstandings and arguments. You also learn what to do when disagreements happen, so that they do not escalate into full-blown arguments.

Biblical Wisdom for Bridging the Communication Gap in Marriage

Listening is one of the most fundamental skills to master in marriage. Most people are actually quite poor listeners. When spouses are talking, we often are so focused on our emotions or how to respond, that we miss key parts of their statements. When you respond after missing a key part of a person’s statement, your response is pretty much based on a fallacy. But if you're able to take your time to listen to not only the words that are coming out of his mouth, what your understanding is, why he's saying the things that he's saying, and the emotions behind it, then your response will be all the more complete and it will lead to closeness in your relationship. The Bible even says in Proverbs 18:13 "To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.”

The first step in expressing your needs is actually picking the right time and context. If you are already feeling extremely upset and your emotions are heightened, it will affect the conversation you have with your spouse. So if you feel yourself getting to your boiling point, ask for a time out. Let your spouse know that you need some time to calm down and reflect.

Timeouts should be at least 30 minutes long because it takes most people at least 30 minutes to get to a place where they can speak calmly and rationally, but also respectfully. After the time out, use the speaker/listener format. Let your spouse know that you wish to unburden some things from your heart and you would like him to give you his undivided attention. He can even take notes if he needs to. There's nothing weird about it. Taking notes helps you capture important information and it helps you come to a place of deep understanding of your spouse.

When you're done saying what you need to say, ask your spouse to reflect back what he heard. If what he heard was accurate, then you may continue the conversation. If what he heard was inaccurate, your job is to correct what he heard, but without arguing. Just correct the statement without saying inflammatory things like “See? You’re just a bad listener.” Or “Why can’t you get it right?”

Once you feel understood and you have gotten things off your chest, you also repeat the same thing for your spouse. Listen to his point of view as you take notes, allow him to correct the parts that you did not hear or misunderstood, and then finally both of you can come to a conclusion of how to move forward. It is a slow process but it is very effective and respectful.

As a Black Christian therapist in Houston, it is my job to teach you how to come to the place of understanding and friendship in your marriage. My job is to show you how to talk to each other with respect, while maintaining the lightness and fun that marriage can bring. You will learn how to listen, take responsibility for your actions without being defensive, and work with your spouse to come up with plans for the future so that you have no longer having the same old arguments over and over again. Your marriage becomes a place of peace and cooperation. Counseling with me is not only from a cultural perspective, but from a biblical foundation.

The Spiritual Benefits of Seeking Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston

Sometimes you might feel like when you are having struggles in your marriage and you turn to marriage counseling, then it means that you are giving up or saying that your marriage is over. That is not the case. Proverbs 11:14 says "Where there's no guidance, people fall, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety." We have to remember that God can heal our situation by bringing professionals and other people around us to give us godly counsel. If you feel like you and your spouse have been struggling with the same issue for years, perhaps it's just time to stop marching around Jericho and ask for help.

As a Black therapist in Houston, I take so much pride in helping couples heal from past relational wounds while standing firm in and deepening their faith. There's no reason why we should have to remove our biblical standards from our marriages, rather, it is those biblical standards and values that will help build your marriage. The skills that I teach are right in line with the Bible. We will talk about appropriate roles and rules in the household, how to take reposnsibility when you mess up, how to be humble and listen with intention, how to love your spouse the way he/she wants to be loved, how to repair when things get messed up, ways to deescalate a tense situation, how to strengthen trust, intimacy and friendship. What’s more biblical than creating a solid foundation in your home?

Essentially what we are doing in our marriage counseling work is realigning your marriage with God's design for healthy, Christ centered communication. And we know that a solid marriage will help you grow together and give you greater peace of mind.

Take the First Step Toward a Stronger, Healthier Marriage

What if there is a great way to strengthen both your relationship and your spiritual walk? Through the process of marriage counseling, you learn how to submit one to another. You learn how to treat each other with affection and care. You also learn how to embrace your appropriate roles and work together as a complementary team. You learn how to settle disagreements easily, and how to give each other a measure of grace and forgiveness. Another important piece of marriage counseling is taking responsibility for your actions without excuses. All of these things are simply the way we are to live as Christians. And so you learn to work out your faith one day at a time through your marriage.

As a Christian therapist in Houston my job is simply to be your guide. I provide biblical and practical tools for better communication. Sometimes when you are in the midst of the storm, you cannot see clearly. What you need is a third-party who wants your marriage to succeed. And that third-party can come in and show your blindspots. I step in to strengthen your relationship, so that you and your spouse can finally become marriage experts.

Ready to break the cycle of miscommunication in your marriage? Schedule your free 15-minute consultation for marriage counseling with a Black Christian therapist in Houston today!

About Me

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/13/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/13/25

Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston: How to Feel Heard When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get Your Sensitivity

Struggling to feel understood in your marriage as a highly sensitive person? My blog offers warm, faith-informed guidance to help you feel heard, even when your spouse doesn’t fully “get” your sensitivity. A gentle invitation to explore deeper connection through Christian support.

When Your Sensitivity Feels Like a Burden in Marriage

Being a highly sensitive woman can be difficult because you get misunderstood in your marriage all the time. Sometimes you just need some time to reflect and decompress, but it can be misunderstood as you being unfriendly or abandoning your family. Sometimes you are overcome with emotions and burst into tears, but your spouse thinks you are weaponzing your emotions. Sometimes you get completely flooded with emotions and shut down, and your spouse and thinks you were trying to avoid talking about the situation.

Sometimes it takes you a while to process through things and so you cannot give a response in the heat of the moment, and this frustrates your spouse. He wants to settle matters now and get things over with, but he feels as if you are slowing things down or always doing things in your own time. He thinks you are selfish.

Simply being you can lead to so many different conflicts. You find yourself being in one conflict or another over and over again and this can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment. He resents you because he does not understand why you are being difficult. And you resent him because he does not understand you and is trying to force you to talk when you were just not physiologically capable to do so.

Rest easy.

Sensitivity is not a curse. I actually look at it as a God-given strength. It is simply the way you are wired. Once you have a good understanding of who you are, and you’re able to explain how you operate to your husband, the arguments will reduce. You’ll know what you need, learn to ask for what you need and you will then be able to communicate smoother.

The Communication Struggles Between Highly Sensitive Wives and Non-HSP Husbands

If you are married to a non-highly sensitive husband, or a husband who is not very in tune with his emotions, he might struggle to understand your deep emotions, why you “overthink things” and “feel so deeply about things.” He may not understand why you cry at certain times, or why you put so much thought into things that he might cast away. He might not understand why you're so emotionally invested in certain people, or why you are so passionate about your work. This is not a part of you that you can put aside. High sensitivity does come with being deeply empathetic and feeling deeply. And a lot of highly sensitive people also tend to think deeply, which can be translated by others as overthinking.

Some conflict patterns that I notice in the highly sensitive wife/non-highly sensitive husband dynamic is that when an issue happens, the highly sensitive spouse spends a lot of time stewing. In the moment she knows that she feels something deeply, but emotions feel like a whirlwind so she's not able to actually address the issue. Her husband on the other hand has no idea that she is feeling deeply about it. Two days later, after she has processed the issue thoroughly, she brings the issue to her husband who is completely befuddled because he cannot even remember what happened two days ago, let alone does he even know that you were upset. You feel insulted, unseen and disrespected because your feelings went unheard.

Another type of conflict that I see is when you're passionate about something, you think about every single detail. Highly sensitive people tend to be very detail oriented. When they plan something, they are very concerned about the experiences of other people involved in the activity. For example, if a non-highly sensitive person has an appointment at 10 AM, if she leaves the house at 9:30 AM and shows up at 10:05 AM. It will not bother her.

But for the highly sensitive person, she thinks about if the person she is going to meet will feel offended if she shows up after 10 AM. She thinks about how the appointments after her will have to be pushed back because of her lateness. They also sometimes will show up early because they actually need time to feel settled into the appointment before walking in at 10 AM. All of these things are going on in the background without the knowledge of her non-sensitive husband. So while it may seem like highly sensitive people do too much, they have so much on their minds all the time.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston can help you bridge the communication gap. Many people struggle with communication simply because they have not taken the time to actually understand the other person's point of view. Many of us assume that others think just like us, and then we project our feelings and thoughts onto them. When we find out that they're not thinking like us, we get offended.

But during marriage counseling, it is my job to teach you how to be an active listener, how to actually reflect back what you heard your spouse say, how to validate her feelings, and how to respond in a way that she can understand. So this world is no longer just about you, you are actively learning to love your spouse the way she deserves to be loved and you are a lot more sensitive to her needs. She will also learn how to view the world from your actual perspective so that she can communicate in a way that you can receive. You both start to speak a common language that you can understand. No more persistent quarrels and silly arguments.

Why a Black Christian Therapist in Houston Can Help You Feel Seen and Understood

When you are a Black professional woman working in the corporate world, sometimes you already feel misunderstood just because of your background and the differences in skin color. So as a Black professional who is highly sensitive, you are trying to not only maneuver a healthy marriage, but trying to reach your goals and dreams. It is important that your therapist has a solid cultural and spiritual understanding of who you are. Because you don't want unnecessary micro aggressions and assumptions in your marriage therapy session. You don't want to have to spend time explaining who you are and what you do. You want to feel comfortable in the therapy space and do whatever comes naturally to you. You don't have to worry about code switching or putting on a front. You simply can just be you.

Christian counseling helps you not only focuses on your emotions and your relationship challenges, but we also ensure that we are putting Jesus at the center of it all. We will ensure that your marriage is values driven. We ensure that your marriage is being built according to biblical principles and you can create a legacy of love and spiritual growth for your family. No it's not my job to indoctrinate you or to tell you what the Bible says, it is simply my job to present scripture to you that you can take to the Holy Spirit for further interpretation. When you work with a Black therapist in Houston who aligns with your values and experiences, you don't have to spend so much time hiding or fighting or pretending to be someone that you're not. You can simply just be.

Embracing Your Sensitivity While Building a Stronger Marriage

A great tool that I use with my marriage counseling clients in Houston is the speaker/listener format. You and your spouse have to learn to slow communication down when you're about to talk about something important. Timing is everything. So pick a time in which neither of you will be distracted, tired, sick or busy. Let your spouse know that you would like to set up a meeting. This doesn't have to feel formal, but it does need to be treated like an important part of your day.

The person who has something to say should be given the floor and your spouse will be the listener. Your job is to explain to him what is going on from your perspective. He doesn't have to understand your perspective fully, but he does have to listen. Every now and then, pause so that your spouse can reflect back what he heard you say. This gives you time to actually process what you are saying, and it also helps your spouse ensure that he is hearing you correctly. This will reduce the feeling of being dismissed or unheard.

The listener’s job is to listen of course, try to be empathetic and put himself in his wife's shoes. Ask questions about how the other person felt when the situation occurred, what triggered her and why she feels the way that she does. After all of the above questions, validate her feelings. Validation can be something as simple as "I understand why you would feel this way." When the speaker is done talking, and feels heard, then your spouse will have a chance to state his point of view while you listen and repeat the above steps.

Remember that patience is a fruit of the Spirit. As a married couple, it is important to master healthy and effective communication so that you can strengthen your emotional connection. It is definitely possible with some practice. Christian marriage counseling in Houston helps you turn conflict into deeper intimacy. We do this by showing you how to lean into what your spouse has to say, teaching you how to become a great listener, which then helps your spouse feel seen and heard. When your spouse feels seen and heard, she's able to trust you, the friendship deepens and emotional connection strengthens.

Take the First Step Toward Feeling Heard in Your Marriage

Did you know that the average couple waits about 6 years after the initial marital struggle begins before seeking help from a professional? Don’t let this be you. A stronger connection and deeper intimacy are possible with the right support. As a Black therapist in Houston, it is my job to better understand your unique needs, so I can guide you through faith-based solutions. You deserve to feel heard and valued. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation today for marriage counseling in Houston and take the first step toward a stronger, more connected marriage.

About Me

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/6/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/6/25

Using Love Languages to Strengthen Communication and Resolve Conflict in Your Christian Marriage

Struggling to feel heard in your Christian marriage? Discover how understanding each other’s love languages can ease conflict and deepen connection. This warm guide offers practical steps for healing and growth. 💬❤️ Read my full blog today.
#ChristianMarriageCounselingHouston

Understanding the Five Love Languages: A Key to Resolving Conflict in Christian Marriages

The five love languages is a concept that was introduced by Gary Chapman. Mr. Chapman states that everyone has a love tank. To be connected and happy in a relationship, one’s love tank must be full. The way to fill up one’s love tank is to love the person according to his/her own unique love language. Some people have one love language, and others might have a primary love language as well as a secondary love language. A love language is simply the way a person wants to receive love. He states that everyone has a love language – including children. For a marriage to be healthy, and for emotional needs to be met, it is imperative that each person learns to speak the love language of their spouse.

Relationships often experience struggle when your partner is loving you according to his own love language rather than taking time to learn how to love you according to your own love language. So then he ends up getting frustrated because he feels like he's pouring time and energy into you, but he’s not receiving the desired response. You also feel drained because you feel like you're pouring time and energy into him and nothing is being poured back into you. Your love tank begins to empty.

Sometimes people kick against the idea of love languages, but if you look at Ephesians 4: 2 we are commanded to '‘Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” What is a better way to deal with your partner in love than to take your time to understand what makes him tick and to help him receive love in the way that he is naturally wired? It is essentially an act of service and humility. If you are having a difficult time with this, marriage counseling in Houston can help. My job is to help you learn new skills to be able to love your partner in the way that he or she needs. No judgment, just two people trying to grow together.

Understanding the Power of Love Languages in a Christ-Centered Marriage

If you're wondering what the five love languages are, they are:

Words of affirmation: Verbally expressing one’s love through validation, appreciation and encouragement. These are people who send text messages to say they are thinking about you, they might leave cute notes or cards around the house and they also in conversation, regularly talk about what they appreciate about you.

Acts of service: Doing tangible things for others like picking up something from the store, cooking, cleaning, giving a massage. It involves serving your spouse in a physical way.

Physical touch: These are people who like to put an arm on the other person’s shoulder, hold hands, kiss, cuddle or just causally touch people when laughing. They don’t even do it on purpose. It just happens.

Receiving gifts: People who like to receive gifts also enjoy giving gifts. These gifts might not even be expensive. It’s the thought that counts. Sometimes they’ll make homemade treats or crafts to show their love.

Quality time: They want to physically be in the room with you, engage in conversation, share ideas and make eye contact. Merely being in a room isn’t enough. They need your undivided attention to feel loved.

If you don’t know you and your spouse’s love languages, head over to www.the5lovelanguages.com and take the free test.

If you think to yourself, “Why is all of this important?” Let's refer to Ephesians 5:25 which says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her“. And 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.“

Christian marriage counseling in Houston can help couples apply love languages effectively so that you and your spouse can start to feel the love again.

Why Your Love Language Might Not Match Your Spouse’s—and That’s Okay

One of the biggest challenges in marriages is feeling misunderstood by your spouse. Many people will marry someone who has a love language that is different from theirs, and that is perfectly OK. It is important to celebrate each other's differences and actually utilize these differences to make both the marriage and the family stronger. To love someone in humility is to look at yourself as a student. Even if you have known your spouse for decades, it is important to remember that your spouse may grow, change, go through different experiences and might be a different person today than who he was 20 years ago. That being said learning a love language is simply just a way of giving and receiving love. When your spouse knows that you are loving him or her outside of your own love language, it is the natural instinct to reciprocate.

And when you think about the love that Jesus had for us, He really didn't gain that much by dying on the cross or suffering on this earth. He poured into us so that we might have life. He paid a debt that He did not owe. So there was nothing in it for Him. But because we have received the ultimate form of redemption, because we have seen what the ultimate sacrifice looks like, our response to His agape love is to love Him unconditionally as well. So love begets love. Our faith requires us to bring in humility and to think of others as being higher than ourselves. That includes our spouses too. So we must love our spouses fully without thinking about what we will get in return. If both husband and wife make this their goal, the marriage will be stronger.

Using Love Languages to Navigate Conflict with Grace and Understanding

Unmet needs often lead to discontent, arguments and even resentment in marriage. There is sometimes a silent, but mighty tension that just fills the spaces of the marriage. Each person gets short tempered, sad, and sometimes unable to communicate what he or she needs.

Disagreements need to be handled with love and patience. Yes, even when you feel like you have been wronged. James 1: 19-20 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.“ The anger that James is referring to is vengeance- wanting to get revenge for a wrong you have suffered.

To turn things around, think of addressing the problem using your spouse’s love language. If your spouse loves quality time, set some time aside for him or her when you can provide your undivided attention. Really listen to what your spouse needs before addressing your own needs. To do this with physical touch, you can go for a walk together with hands held. This helps him or her understand that even though you might be at odds temporarily, you still desire connection. For gift lovers, present something thoughtful to them before you have a conversation about your needs. You don’t have to break the bank. Homemade gifts count too. For acts of service people, do something nice for them- wash their car, pick up something they need from the store, etc. This can help to prime them before having an important conversation. And words of affirmation people really need to hear about how much you appreciate them, before diving into unmet needs.

A Black therapist in Houston can provide culturally competent guidance in resolving conflicts. Sometimes you feel confused about how to actually approach the situation. My job is to teach you effective communication skills, help you rebuild your friendship and get back to the place of passion and togetherness you once had. It takes a level of patience and understanding, but with practice, it becomes easier.

Practical Ways to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language Daily

Love languages can seem complicated- especially if you are married to someone who doesn’t share the same love language as you. To make it easier for you, actually ask your spouse what he or she would appreciate. Each week, say “How can I help you feel loved this week?” Or “Is there some way I’ve shown love to you in the past that you really appreciate?'‘ It’s the small, meaningful actions that reinforce your love and appreciation.

As you start to implement love languages into your marriage, also ensure that there is a level of consistency. For something to become a habit, you do need a few weeks of practice. It has to be intentional. Make it your priority. Both you and your spouse need to make it your number 1 priority. every week, seek to help your spouse see that you love him. Ask for regular feedback where you can celebrate wins and improvement in your marriage.

Prayer is a great tool to help you involve the Holy Spirit in your work as a couple. Ask Him for guidance, for strength, and for counsel as you both are on your journey to love each other well. Never assume what your spouse needs. Ask him or her.

Because couples often get stuck in a rut and tend to move back into old habits, a Christian marriage counselor in Houston can help youu build habits of love and respect while providing education and accountability. You will learn how to resolve conflict, strengthen your friendship and continue to grow together.

Finding Support: How a Christian Marriage Counselor Can Help You and Your Spouse Grow Together

If this all sounds too much for you or if this sounds like just the thing that you need, then it is time to seek Christian marriage counseling in Houston. A skilled marriage counselor can help you learn how to implement both you and your spouse’s love languages into your daily interactions so that you can improve friendship, deepen your connection, which could help with better conflict resolution and intimacy. Please note that love languages alone will not solve all your marital problems, but they sure will help as you build a new foundation in your marriage. Seeking help is not a sign that your marriage has failed. Seeking help is actually a sign that you have faith that your marriage can thrive once again and you are willing to learn the necessary skills to revive it.

Remember that faith without works is dead.

Want to strengthen your marriage through faith and personalized guidance? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation for Christian marriage counseling in Houston with me- A Black Christian therapist in Houston.

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Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

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Important Questions to Ask a Prospective Marriage Therapist | Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston

Considering marriage therapy? Discover essential questions to ask potential therapists to ensure a good fit. Learn how to evaluate their approach, experience, and alignment with your values. Empower your journey toward a healthier relationship.

Why Choosing the Right Marriage Therapist is Key to a Successful Relationship

Therapy is becoming more and more important, because people are realizing that a little professional help does not hurt. Going to marriage therapy is not a sign that things are necessarily exploding in your marriage, rather, going to couples therapy is just a sign that the both of you are willing to learn, change, and make things better as a unit. One of the important things that marriage therapy will teach you how to do is to create a healthy marriage. Let's face it, many people did not grow up in a healthy family dynamic. Lots of my clients grew up in a single parent environment, so they do not have the luxury of getting to watch a husband and wife communicate in a healthy way.

And of those who grew up in a two parent dynamic, some grew up in a blended family unit, so they did not get to see their biological parents interact in a healthy way. Of those who grew up seeing their parents interact, some saw a lot of unhealthy behavior. So we really don't have a frame of reference for what a healthy marriage should look like. My role as a couples therapist is to show you how to create a healthy family dynamic, regardless of what you experienced as a child.

The wonderful thing about Christian marriage counseling in Houston is that we get to address your unique relationship struggles while keeping Jesus at the center of it all. We cannot ignore your spiritual health. Because marriage is a covenant that was created by God, it makes sense to include Him in the covenant as we try to make things better. As a Christian marriage therapist, I understand the biblical perspective on marriage and it is my job to ensure that we honor that while thinking about your needs and the needs of your spouse.

Now before you run to the Internet and find just any therapist to help you with your marriage, it is important to know that the single most important factor in the success of therapy is the fit between the therapist and the couple. Do not find a therapist who has the most education or experience, find a couples therapist who will be a great fit for you. Think about things such as religious background, age, gender, the therapist’s temperament and personality. All of these things, along with the therapist’s educational background and professional experience will make a therapist uniquely equipped to help you and your spouse. If your marriage therapist is a poor fit with you and your spouse, it just will not work it's a simple as that.

Key Questions to Ask a Marriage Therapist Before Starting Counseling

What’s your license and background?

Before you begin marriage therapy in Houston, it is important that you do your research. Let's start with qualifications. In the state of Texas, and pretty much every state in the United States of America, a marriage and family therapist should have a minimum of a master’s degree, followed by a license in whatever state that they practice in. So before you actually see your therapist, I would advise that you look his or her name up on the state board’s website to ensure that their license is in good standing. It won't hurt. For the state of Texas, the Behavioral Health Executive Council is the board that governs marriage and family therapists. In California, the Board of Behavioral Sciences oversees marriage and family therapists.

What is your therapy style? What methods do you use?

Ask what her therapy style looks like. Ask her how she can help you work through conflict resolution and emotional connection. Keep in mind that there are many different therapy styles, and I don't necessarily think one is necessarily better than the other, but I am partial to the Gottman Method. Because it involves practical tools and skills to help you actually get to the root cause of the problem- so you stop experiencing the same issues over and over again.

In the Gottman method, there are lots of assessments that you have to take before you actually dive into the nitty-gritty of marriage therapy, so we are actually uprooting the problem so that we can rebuild the house. My job is to teach you how the problem began, what each person's role was in creating the problem, and then figure out how to solve or manage the problem.

How often do you see clients?

Married couples typically want to know how long marriage therapy will take. My answer is the same – it depends on you. If both of you are willing to roll up your sleeves and do the work, you will see the results a lot faster and marriage therapy will be short. But if there is push back from one or both partners, then you will not reach your goal quickly. You could ask if sessions will be weekly, biweekly, etc.

How do you manage infidelity and abuse?

If there are deeper issues of abuse and infidelity, it will be important to also ask the couples therapist what her approach will be in resolving that. I have zero tolerance for abuse and infidelity. Because in my opinion, an abusive partner does not take responsibility and I cannot guarantee the safety of the other person. In issues of infidelity, if your loyalty is divided, you do not have what it takes to put all of your effort into the marriage. So couples therapy within that will be a waste.

How much do sessions cost?

Of course it's important to know how much sessions will be so that you can include marriage therapy as part of your monthly budget.

Will my culture be honored?

When you have a conversation with a prospective marriage therapist, make sure you do not ignore issues of cultural background. Because if a therapist really does understand your culture, it plays a large role in how you view your partner and yourself. Ensure that you do not pick a therapist who tries to turn you into a mini version of themselves. Pick a therapist who understands your perspective and is willing to help support your culture rather than turn against you.

The Role of Faith in Christian Marriage Counseling: What to Expect

Our faith typically guides our values, and our values determine the way we think and behave. So when we keep your faith in the center of marriage counseling, it can help to guide the way marriage therapy goes. When we are able to pull scriptures and discuss values, this can help guide your relationship towards deeper intimacy. Because both of you will be able to realize that you do have something in common. When most marriages are in crisis, we feel like we are like two ships passing in the night or like enemies. But faith gives us common ground. And common ground is the greatest path to deeper intimacy. We can both agree about issues of faith.

The benefits of Christian marriage counseling in Houston is it helps you navigate your challenges with grace. While I am not a pastor, it is not my job to indoctrinate you. My style of Christian marriage counseling is simply introducing scriptures that help you connect back to your professed values. And so if you are dealing with different issues, my job is to bring in scriptures that can help guide you and the Holy Spirit can convict the both of you to give you more guidance on the direction to go. While I use very practical worksheets and tools to help you when I am not there with you, the Bible is also a great tool to help remind you of who you are so that you act according to who you have been called to be. Issues of faith will also help with forgiveness, kindness, love and other virtues that help guide a healthy marriage.

What is your Christian background?

And while you and I may not even be of the same Christian denomination, we can both agree that we believe in Jesus and the fruit of the Spirit. Healthy Christian marriages are guided by the fruit of the Spirit. And knowing that you share common ground with your marriage therapist can also help provide support in emotional healing. Imagine how difficult it will be to work with a therapist whom you have the first explain your beliefs to, as opposed to having a sure understanding already. This is why cultural competency is important when you choose a therapist. You may ask your therapist what her faith background is and what herr understanding of Christianity is. That way you know that your values are similar.

How to Know If a Therapist is Right for Your Marriage

If your values do not align with the values of your therapist, things will not work out. Simple things like the role of a husband and a wife, how a couple should treat one another, and expectations within a family system have to be guaranteed. It will feel as if you have to constantly explain yourself or do a lot of educating. You might also feel judged during your session, which will get in the way of your progress.

To take it further, a Black therapist in Houston will understand your unique perspectives. There will be no need for code switching, explaining your cultural background or discussing little nuances. Although you are an individual, and all Black people aren’t the same, there is something to be said for working with a marriage therapist who just gets you. Asking your prospective therapist the right questions helps ensure that your therapist’s approach can fit your specific needs.

Finding the Right Support: Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston for Your Unique Needs

One piece of advice that I often give to prospective clients is to look at marriage therapy as an investment in your future. If you are looking for a therapist, chances are you have tried every resource that is available to you- books, podcasts, advice from friends, etc. And those things haven’t worked. So maybe the logical next step is to work with an individual who can help you get past the hump.

Christian marriage counseling is a great tool to help you address both your emotional and spiritual needs. It’s a great platform to heal past wounds, learn more about yourself and your spouse, and finally gain the skills to maintain healthy friendship, intimacy and communication in your marriage. Instead of running round in circles, feeling frustrated and watching your marriage get worse, it’s time to accept help.

Looking for a marriage therapist in Houston who truly understands your needs and can give you the right support? Schedule a free 15-minute consult for Christian marriage counseling in Houston with a trusted Black therapist in Houston today.

About Me

Many of my clients are: