Follow These 4 Effective Steps to Prevent Anxiety Attacks

Guess Post by Cheryl Conklin of Wellness Central

Anxiety is the emotion of fear and worry, which, on occasion, is easy to control. However, when this feeling becomes constant, it can have an overbearing impact on personal relationships, work, and quality of life. 

To prevent anxiety attacks it is important to understand its cause and then make changes to overcome it. The Zinnia Practice shares four effective lifestyle changes you can make to manage anxiety.

Have a Good Sleep Schedule

According to the ADAA, anxiety, and sleep have a strong correlation. Feeling anxious can impact your ability to sleep, while lack of sleep can trigger anxiety attacks. To overcome this cycle, it is important to gain control over your sleep schedule by following these steps:

●      Set a fixed time to sleep and wake up each day. This helps your body create a sleep-wake cycle leading to you feeling naturally sleepy at night.

●      Focus on getting around seven to nine hours of sleep daily.

●      Avoid food with high caffeine and sugar content such as coffee, chocolates, toffies, etc. before bed.

●      Refrain from using electronic devices such as your mobile phone at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Blue light emitted from screens inhibit the release of melatonin, the sleep hormone, keeping you awake and suppressing sleep.

 Practice Visualization

The goal of visualization exercises is to help you gain control over negative thoughts by imagining yourself in a relaxing environment. This environment can be a calm natural setting, a happy memory, or any other frame which invokes a positive response. According to research, our brain perceives visualized imagery in the same way as the actual experience. As a result, while practicing visualization, you may experience a drop in heart rate and an increase in deep breathing, naturally making you feel calm.

Practicing visualization two to three times a week can help keep anxiety attacks in check. Visualization should be done in a place you are comfortable in such as your bedroom or garden. Additionally, set a time when disturbances are minimal and you can fully concentrate. 

Opt for Therapy

It is important to understand that you do not need to deal with your anxiety alone. While it is natural to feel nervous about sharing your thoughts and experiences with others, opting to go for anxiety therapy can help you improve your mental health. Therapy doesn’t always need to be a long-term affair as many individuals experience significant improvement within the first 8-10 sessions. 

Make a Career Change

Working in an environment where you have an enormous workload, long hours, and low returns (in terms of recognition and pay) can lead to you feeling stressed and anxious. Additionally, job anxiety can reduce your self-confidence and productivity and lead to a lack of sleep and excessive worrying. When facing such a scenario, it is important to make a career change.

Choosing to pursue an online degree program could help you take a positive step towards overcoming job anxiety. Attending classes can expose you to an environment that is positive and productive. You could feel excited learning about new things and working towards moving up in your career. Additionally, with flexible schedules, you can learn at your convenience. While pursuing an MBA is a popular choice, other in-demand degrees include, MSc in Economics and an M.S. in Information Technology Management.

Adopting these lifestyle changes could help you to alleviate stress, have control over your mood and prevent anxiety attacks.

Dear Superwoman: It’s Time to Take Off the Cape – How to Ask for Help Like a Pro

When you are a highly responsible or goal oriented woman, it is easy to do everything yourself. After all, you've always been successful at everything you’ve laid your hands on, so why on earth do you need to ask anybody for help?

As a therapist in Temecula, I know that asking for help is important because it is a great way to connect with your spouse. Being overly independent can quickly become a problem in a marriage if you live your life like you're an island on to yourself. Being overly independent can lead to your spouse feeling disengaged from you.

If you have ever wanted to break away from the struggle of being overly independent, here are some tips for you:

Get to the bottom of why it is difficult for you to ask for help

By the way, being independent is not a bad thing, but having a really difficult time asking for help when you really need it could really be a struggle. Behind every highly independent woman are some emotional hurts (or perhaps, an upbringing) that led her to become this way.

Here’s an exercise I have my clients go through during our counseling sessions in Temecula. Sit back and dig into your mind. Ask yourself how you became super independent. Perhaps when you were growing up, your caregivers encouraged you to be heavily independent. Or perhaps they really encouraged you to check things off lists and achieve a lot. Or maybe you just receive a lot of inner joy and affirmation when you did things yourself.

Remember that asking for help is not a bad thing

Remind yourself that inter-dependency (not independence) is healthy for a marriage relationship. Interdependence simply means that both partners are independent, but they choose to lean on each other when they need help.

They can do things by themselves and for themselves, however they choose to share the world with each other in a healthy way. So it is important to tell yourself this so that you get more comfortable with opening up to your partner.

Start with asking for help with the small things

I get it. Asking your husband for help on the huge projects could feel close to impossible. So why not just start small? Ask him to help you with simple things like picking up the dry cleaning or dropping the kids off at school or making that sandwich that you just don't want to make.

It is easier to start with the small things and then slowly graduate to much larger tasks. Each time you ask him for help, check in with yourself to see how it feels. At first it might feel oddly uncomfortable, but sit with that feeling and it will soon pass.

Have daily conversations with your spouse to invite him into your life

When you are very independent, it is easy to get sucked into your own world and completely forget that your spouse exists. So to combat this, once a week, or maybe at the end of day, have a short, connecting conversation with your spouse. This is another intervention I use when counseling in Murrieta.

Ask him how his day went, and also invite him into your own world. Talk to him about what's going on in your day, what’s going on with the kids, the new updates at work and what has been happening in your mind. That way he gets to understand your internal struggles. It’s okay for your spouse to see you as a human with real struggles and joys.

Try giving yourself a deadline before you ask for help

Because you are naturally a very independent person, you probably spend a lot of time hitting your head on a wall before reaching out for support.

So give yourself a deadline. Perhaps you can say “If I am still struggling after 1 week, I will ask for help.” Although asking for help can be a struggle, practice makes it easier.

There you have it. If you struggle with being super independent, and you want to learn how to let your husband into your internal world, schedule your free 15-minute consultation call. It is totally possible to live interdependently with your husband.

As a Black therapist in Temecula, it is my joy to help goal oriented women find deeper connection. I provide therapy to clients in Murrieta, Temecula, San Diego, Los Angeles and throughout California.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Lessons to superwoman: How to manage the fear of success

Most of us have heard of the fear of failure, but did you know that a lot of women actually have the fear of success? As a therapist in Temecula, CA, I hear about this a lot. Here's what to do if you struggle with the fear of success.

Get honest about what your true thoughts are on success

Think about some of the women around you who have been successful. What is it about them that you admire? What is it about them that you dislike? What is your mind telling you will happen if people view you continue to climb up the ladder of success?

Do you have the fear of being seen? Do you worry that being successful will take away your ‘street cred?’ Or perhaps do you worry that your friends and family will no longer be able to connect with you if you were much more successful than them? Maybe you’re worried that your spouse will feel threatened if you are successful. This is something you can process in counseling.

It is important that you get clear about some of the thoughts that come up for you, so that you are able to work through them. Get out a sheet of paper and write out about 2 to 3 thoughts that come up for you when you think about being successful.

Remind yourself how hard you have worked

People who worry about being successful are often people who are high achieving, goal oriented, and hard-working. Although at the back of your mind you know that you want your hard work to pay off, but these pesky thoughts keep coming in the way to block you.

Next the list of your thoughts about success, write down reasons why you deserve to be successful. Remind yourself of how hard you have worked, remind yourself about how brilliant that you are, remind yourself of how deserving you are to be recognized for your efforts.

Remember, being successful does not really have anything to do with being famous, being successful simply means that your efforts are fruitful. And everyone deserves to be rewarded for their efforts – including you. Luckily, counseling or therapy can help.

Get some wise mentorship

Being comfortable with success can seem almost impossible if you do not hang out with people who are way higher on the ladder of success than you are. You can start by doing a social media search. Find women who are doing exactly what it is that you want to be doing in five years.

During my counseling sessions in Murrieta, I often encourage my clients to be bold. If you feel comfortable, you can even reach out to them and let them know that you are inspired by them. When we spend time with people who are more successful than us, and we begin to see that successful people are just as human as we are, it eases some of the stress associated with the fear of success.

Continuously affirm yourself

Positive affirmations have been a longstanding top in counseling or therapy. When you struggle with the fear of being seen, or the fear of success, chances are that your mind is filled with a lot of negative thoughts such as "I do not belong here," “I will never be successful," “Being successful is scary,,” "They know a lot more than me." So as you get up every morning, write down positive affirmations to help you bring your mind to where your heart is.

Some of the affirmations could go something like this:

“I am just as smart and deserving as everyone else.” “I deserve success.” “I deserve for my hard work to be rewarded.” “I deserve a seat at the table.” “I belong in the company of successful people.” “As a successful woman, I will have a bigger reach to help people.”

Remember that you are deserving in all that you do. And also remember that the fear of success is actually quite common. I hear this problem over and over again in my counseling sessions for anxious women in the Murrieta Temecula area. So go easy on yourself.

If you are a high achieving, goal oriented woman of color who struggles with the fear of success or the fear of being seen, click here to schedule your free 15 minute consultation call so that you can better manage those pesky thoughts and finally feel confident sitting at the table of success. You deserve success.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Highly sensitive people

High achieving women

People with insomnia

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Dear Superwoman: Let Your Husband In—He’s Your Partner, Not Your Project

One of my missions as a licensed marriage and family therapists is to help the women I work with, learn how to get rid of superwoman syndrome.

“What’s that?” you ask.

Well, Superwoman syndrome (it’s not an actual diagnosable syndrome BTW) is the idea that you are so capable, responsible and independent that you struggle to ask anyone around you for help. While that might sound like a great thing, it could leave you overburdened, burned out and resentful. The people around you get so used to you taking care of everything by yourself that they stop asking you if you need help.

Because no one checks up on you, you begin to resent the people around you, you feel lonely and things don’t look good. You get it?

Superwoman syndrome can be a big problem in a marriage. Because you find yourself carrying majority of the emotional load, while your spouse appears to live his best life. The trouble is your spouse might not have any idea that you’re actually resentful of him or struggling in any way.

You see, couples often get used to a specific dance. In this case the dance looks like you being super independent and capable, carrying majority of the emotional and/or domestic load, while your spouse gets to luxuriate (also probably not a real word).

How do you fix this persistent problem?

1) Check in with yourself to find out what you need

When you’re so used to playing the superwoman role, you might expect everyone to jump in to help you because it’s ‘Common sense’ or because you are used to jumping in without being told. Well, there’s no such thing as common sense and a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

So ask yourself what areas you’re actually willing to delegate. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself resisting this step. Because you are so used to doing things by yourself, you might not know how to check in with yourself. It’s a practice. Set aside 5 minutes a day to sit in a quite place and ask yourself what you need. Mentally comb through some of the activities of the day and ask yourself what or who could make your life easier. Write it down.

2) Have a sit down talk with your husband

Now that you know what you need, it’s time to let your husband know what you need. And even if you’ve been married for 15 years, he still isn’t a mind reader and he has no clue what your emotional needs are. So, use this simple template:

I need [————-] from you because [————]. Then go into specifics.

It could be something as simple as I need more support from you because I am feeling tired and burned out. Then proceed to further define what support is. What he thinks is supportive isn’t what you might think is supportive.

3) Avoid the blame game

When you have this conversation with your husband, please avoid name calling, finger pointing attacking him or blaming him. This will only lead to an argument which will distract both of you from the initial goal, which was to help both of you feel more connected and to free you from superwoman syndrome.

4) Talk about your feelings

I am a huge fan of feeling words because they help others truly understand what is going on in your internal world. It is the closest thing to real time mind reading. When people who love you truly understand the feelings that are underneath your request, it helps to seal the deal.

Help your husband understand what burn out feels like. Helps him udnersstnd that you feel isolated because you’re spending so much time helping others. Help him understand how sad it is for you to constantly check in on others while everyone assumes you’re doing well. If you’re not sure how you feel, use this feelings wheel to help you pick the appropriate words.

A simple way to communicate your feelings is by using the formula below:

I feel [—-] about [—-] and here is what I need [—-]

For example, “I feel sad about not being checked on. I need you to send me a daily text to see how my work day is going.”

OR

“I feel overwhelmed picking the kids up from school every day. I need you to alternate school pick ups with me so I can get a break.”

Remember that your husband is your ally. He wants to support you, but he can’t do that if he has no clue what type of support you need.

If you are ready to learn how to genuinely communicate your emotional needs with your spouse so that you can stop having the same arguments each month, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me for couples therapy in Houston.

Letter to the invisible, strong woman

You are the one who carries your entire family on your back. You wake up before everyone else, you ensure that everything is in place for your family.

You have tons of hopes and dreams, but you often put them aside to ensure that everyone else is well taken care of. But deep inside, you are tired of being the strong woman. You are tired of having to plaster a smile on your face every day. You struggle secretly, and no one around you knows.

You feel lonely. The people around you have no clue what you’re going through because you are the designated strong woman. You are the trouble shooter and the official problem solver. You’re the go to woman who holds everyone’s emotions in your hands.

You would love to have a day set aside where you can just plop yourself on the bed and sleep all day. You’d love it if people checked up on you as well- rather than assuming that all is well with you.

So, strong woman, here’s how you can move from invisible superhero to seen and human.

Allow people to see your humanity

Because you’re so used to being the go to person, chances are your loved ones don’t notice when you’re down. Here’s where vulnerability comes in. When you are feeling sad, overwhelmed or upset, tell someone you trust. I say this over and over again to my therapy clients. If people aren’t used to seeing that side of you, they’ll assume that you’re always fine- thereby perpetuating the cycle that your needs should go unmet. When I work with clients in may therapy office in Murrieta, this is a big part of our work- feeling comforting with vulnerability.

Ask your loved ones for help

When you are the super competent, responsible person, everyone around you assumes that you can handle everything. Know your limits and be willing to ask others to help you. This is another big part of my therapy or counseling process. This prevents burn out and the endless feeling of disappointment that comes when no one offers to help you out.

Asking for help could seem very difficult- after all you’re used to handling it all on your own. But its time, you’ll feel a deep sense of relief when you learn to delegate or outsource.

Start saying “No.”

It’s important to accept that you are not superwoman. And that’s not a bad thing. Although you are the go to person and you’re also very competent, please know that rest is just as productive as work. Sometimes you have to say “No” to others when they are asking for your assistance- so that you can invest more time in rest.

The truth is that when you are the super responsible person, people who could be competent, begin to slack off because they know you will take care of things for them. But when you begin a new pattern of encouraging others to take care of responsibilities themselves, you actually will have more time to focus on tasks that are important to you.

Talk to a therapist or counselor

Assertiveness practice is such a key part of my counseling practice in Murrieta. If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of invisibility and in the superwoman role, maybe it’s time to talk to a mental health professional. As a Black or African American therapist in Murrieta, CA, I help women who identify as the responsible ones, learn how to communicate their needs, get their needs met and also be seen as human and fallible.

Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call so you can finally be seen and heard.

A lesson on showing up as the real you (even if your family doesn't understand you)

If you are the ‘Different one’ or the one who stands out in your family, it could be very difficult to show up just as you are. Or perhaps you’re still not sure who the real you actually is.

Maybe you were bullied, laughed at and basically told that you were not good enough. Maybe you had to spend your time trying to be like everyone else- begging to fit in. No matter how hard you tried, it just didn’t work. Sometimes when you are the non-toxic one in your family, you learn to build a persona to protect yourself.

There’s the you who puts up a suit of armor so that you can protect yourself from your family, and there’s the you who shows up in all other situations.

But it’s painful to constantly switch back and forth. After a while you don’t know who you are. Here’s a simple way to begin to show up as you.

It starts with self-validation

In my counseling practice, I love to give my clients exercises. Get out a sheet of paper, set an alarm for 5 minutes and write out as many good qualities about yourself that you can think of. Naturally, you will begin to think of all the negative messages your family or loved ones have sent you over the years.

For example, if one of your positive qualities is “I’m a great artist,” you might be tempted to delete that one because your family doesn’t embrace your art. Please don’t.

Self-validation is not about what your family or the world thinks about you. It is unlearning the toxic messages you were taught and re-learning how to embrace your own inner beauty- so that you can finally let go of the anxiety that comes with pretending to be someone that you’re not. It is coming to acceptance that you matter and your feelings matter.

Take stock of those you surround yourself with

On that same sheet of paper, write down the top 5-10 people you spend most of your time with. Think of the people you text the most, the ones you talk to on the phone the most, as well as who you follow on social media. Do you feel like you can be yourself around them? Or do you reach for your persona when you’re in those spaces?

Next to each person’s name, write down how you feel when you interact with them. Just use one or two words.

Are they pouring positivity into you or do you feel awful after every interaction with them? If you must show up as yourself, the people around you also have to be people who give you the space to be you.

Do a little social media/friend purge:

The beauty of social media is that it can transport us to beautiful, faraway places. The downside is it could sometimes lead to self loathing and sadness. Set another timer and go through your friends/follow list. How do you feel as you see the names and pictures of each social media friend?

Rely on your intuition. It never leads you astray. It might be time to mute or delete social media friends who are not adding positive value to your life.

Now on to real life friends. Take a moment to determine who your real friends are. Who has been there to celebrate you when things are going well? Write their names down.

Who was there to lean on when things weren’t going so well? Write their names down.

Who are the ones who try to outshine you, put you down or try to make you feel small? Write their names down. Remember that you can make a conscious choice to either surround yourself with loving, uplifting people or energy suckers.

The choice is yours. Give yourself permission to do it!

As a therapist for women and couples in Murrieta, CA one of my most important tasks is to teach my clients how to show up as themselves. Regardless of the level of toxicity you were raised in, I help high achieving women learn how to stand up for themselves, find their authentic voices and ditch toxicity.

If you are ready to roll up your sleeves, ditch anxiety and start showing up as the real you, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call. I’m a Black therapist in Murrieta who sees women and couples throughout California.