A new year is upon us. With that comes new hope for a brighter future. 2020 was HARD- we had to dig deep to be able to survive it. Let’s make 2021 the year that you actually thrive. Remember that therapy can be an important tool in unlocking your emotional strength and learning tools to help you grow.
And now that we are in a new year, you might have come to the realization that you want to start therapy. Yay! Being in therapy isn’t a sign that you are broken- it’s actually a sign that you’re ready to heal, put the past behind you and begin to thrive.
When I talk to Black women and other women of color about mental health, they typically tell me that it’s important that they pick either a therapist who has similar religious beliefs as they do, a Black therapist or a therapist of color.
But because there is often a veil of secrecy and stigma wrapped around therapy, I’m here to answer your questions about working with a Black therapist. Here are some common questions about working with a Black or African American therapist.
Am I allowed to talk about issues of race, prejudice and color with a Black therapist?
When you are in therapy, it’s your time. You should get to talk about and work on whatever goals you have decided upon. If you want to bring issues of social justice, race, color and prejudice into the room, ensure that you pick a Black therapist who is comfortable with these issues. Do not automatically assume that every Black therapist is comfortable and well versed with these issues.
During your consultation call (if you have one), put it out on the table. Let the therapist know what issues are important to you, and specifically ask the therapist if he/she is comfortable with that. This is not the time to be coy. Clarity is always welcome.
Can a non-Black person work with a Black therapist?
The answer is typically “Yes,” however I can’t speak for every Black therapist out there. I’ve personally worked with women of different ethnicities, nationalities and backgrounds. Every year, hundreds and thousands of Black clients work with non-Black therapists, so I assume that every year, there are many non-Black clients who are working with non-Black therapists too.
If you are not Black, but you want to work with a Black therapist, just address the elephant in the room (if you think there is one) and ask them if they are fine working with you.
My approach is to be super open and honest. I don’t do elephants in rooms! I’m a straight up kinda therapist.
What is the therapist’s experience working with clients of my same background, color or ethnicity?
This is another important conversation to have during the phone consultation- and maybe even during the first session as well. Culture is so important- you can’t separate yourself from your culture, your beliefs and your upbringing- they shape you into who you are. It’s super duper important that the therapist you choose is able to understand your culture, is open minded and respectful of your way of life.
Now, depending on your ethnicity, you might not be able to find a therapist of the same ethnicity, however it’s important that the therapist you choose is curious and non judgmental. There’s no point working with a therapist who will make it sound like your culture is some type of illness. It can also feel extremely frustrating if you have to spend the entire time in therapy explaining why you do things a certain way, or defending your culture.
Will a Black therapist tell everyone my business?
This is usually a big concern in Black and Brown communities. A lot of us were raised to keep our dirty laundry indoors. We do not tell the whole world and their mama all our business- and that’s a fact. The great thing about therapy is that it’s actually confidential.
That being said, in the state of California, ALL therapists are mandated reporters- that means we have to report child abuse, elder abuse and dependent adult abuse. We could also potentially report if you are a danger to yourself, others or the property of others.
But as long as we are not talking about safety issues, your business stays between you and your Black therapist. So go ahead and tell them your business- it won’t be aired in these streets.
Do I have to be crazy to start therapy?
Many people believe that therapy is for crazy people. I personally loathe that word, but let me reassure you. You do not have to be crazy to go to therapy. You also do not have to be really ill, suicidal, severely depressed, self harming or on the verge of a breakdown.
You could go to therapy to address a breakup, your kids moving out of the home, process a new job, a relocation, your sadness, insomnia, anxiety, eating disorder, marital problems, process the pandemic- and the list goes on and on.
What’s your specialty?
It is important that the therapist you pick should have the necessary education, training and experience to help you with whatever struggles you are coming to them for. It typically isn’t enough that the therapist is Black.
So while you’re on your consultation call, ask the therapist what areas they typically specialize in.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have the ability to treat a really wide range of mental health issues, however I specialize in women with anxiety, women with insomnia, as well as couples therapy. I refer everyone else out as I like to focus on my strengths and ensure that every client gets an amazing result when working with me.
Can I be myself around a Black therapist?
As a Black therapist, yes you can absolutely be yourself around me. I am a far cry from the therapists that are portrayed on TV- you know the type- pants suit wearing, cold, aloof, head nodding, asking you “How does that make you feel?” every 5 - 10 seconds.
In my therapy sessions, there is laughter, sometimes tears, head wraps show up, eye rolls happen on occasion, and I’m not above the occasional shady comment. My clients can talk about their faith, we sometimes bring in scripture, we discuss pop culture and I create a space where you can find your authentic self and truly embrace it.
Let’s face it. You spend so much of your time trying to survive in rooms that weren't built for people like you, you go to work with people who don’t look like you and who might not get you, so in my therapy sessions, I ensure that you feel as if the room was built just for you.
Your job is to come as you are and get that healing.
Please note that the above is not an exhaustive list, but if you are a woman of color seeking a Black therapist in California, who can help you move beyond always feeling anxious and hiding, to finally being able to use your voice, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s make 2021 your year.
Want to read other related blog posts?
New to therapy?: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy