The Top 5 Myths About Working with a Black Therapist or Counselor in Riverside County

You’ve been struggling for a moment, so you do a Google search for a therapist. You review a few websites, and some of those therapists are Black. You however, are not sure whether or not you want to work with a Black therapist.

Here are a few myths about working with a Black therapist that we probably should clear up.

1) You have to be Black to work with a Black therapist

Let’s just shatter this now. Black therapists didn't get masters degrees and PhD’s to learn solely about the minds and experiences of Black people. We do have the experience and ability to help people of all backgrounds. While of course, a lot of Black and African American therapists do try to increase access to mental health services in Black communities and other communities of color, many Black therapists will be more than happy to work with you if you’re not Black.

It is important to examine your biases though. How do you really feel about working with a Black therapist?

2) You can’t tell a Black therapist your business- it’ll make you look weak.

I’ve heard it said that some people don’t want to talk to a Black therapist- because of the stereotype of the strong, Black woman. We sometimes assume that Black women do not feel pain (physical and/or emotional) and so, they will not be able to relate to your struggles. Sometimes there’s a myth that they will judge you because your problems aren’t “Bad enough.”

This cannot be further from the truth. Black women (and therapists) are just as capable of feeling physical and emotional pain as everyone else. In fact, I can say that we love it when our clients experience emotional breakthroughs, become vulnerable and begin to unpack emotional baggage.

So go ahead- relax your shoulders and feel free to begin to share with your therapist.

3) You can’t address issues of race, injustice and privilege

Sometimes there might be a feeling of guilt. You assume that because your therapist is Black she has struggled with racial trauma, and so you don’t want to ‘burden’ her with your own stories of racial injustice and pain. 

As therapists, we are highly trained. We do not do this work because we are looking for pity or guilt form our clients. We have many skills to help us separate our own experiences from the experiences of our clients. We do not have to experience everything that our clients have in order to help them. Think about it this way- a doctor can fix your broken arm without ever having the experience of a broken arm.

As a Black therapist, I have to say that part of my professionalism is to be able to immerse myself into your experience, then help you process through it and come out with greater clarity. So please, share whatever you need to. It makes the therapy experience much better.

4) A Black therapist will expect me to pray or go to church

Nope! Remember that not all Black therapists are Christian and not all Black therapists actually pray. On top of that, therapists learn how to set clear boundaries and do what is best for our clients.

As a Black, Christian therapist, I absolutely do not force prayer, the Bible or my spiritual beliefs down my clients’ throats. I do not integrate faith without your consent. And even if you are a Christian, and you tell me that you do not want your faith integrated into your treatment, there is no judgment from me.

Judgement actually gets in the way of all the great work we can do together. 

5) Working with a Black therapist will be just like talking to my sister or friend

Your therapist is NOT your friend. You won’t be going to lunch with her, celebrating your birthday with her, going on vacation with her or going to the spa with her. Unlike your friend, your therapist is there to help you meet your goals- not just nod, smile and agree with everything you say.

That being said, your therapist has your best interest at heart and wants to see you win.

Your therapist is laser focused on guiding you to a positive outcome. Sometimes your friends are unable to address difficult issues with you or set clear boundaries, because they are afraid that they will lose your friendship. Your therapist on the other hand, is willing to risk losing you as a client when she sets clear boundaries with you. 

I hope the above myths have been cleared up. 

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist

The Top 5 Truths About Working with a Black Therapist in the Murrieta/Temecula area

The Murrieta/Temecula area is a great place to live. It’s a family friendly neighborhood with lots of upwardly mobile professionals. It’s also a great place to raise kids. The beauty of living in Riverside County is that we are close enough to San Diego County, Orange County and Los Angeles County- we get the best of 4 worlds.

When it comes to seeing a therapist, it’s important to meet with someone who really sees you and gets you. It can be tough when majority of your session time is spent explaining yourself, code switching, and trying to force a fit that isn’t there.

We know that representation matters, and for many Black women and women of color, they typically tell me that it is important that their therapist is culturally sound, sensitive and in the know. And sometimes that means working with a Black therapist or a therapist of color.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about wanting to work with a Black therapist- Don’t. The single most important factor in choosing a solid therapist is the relationship between you and your therapist. So go with whomever works best for you.

If you’ve been thinking about getting signed up for therapy, here are 4 truths about working with a Black or African American therapist:

A Black therapist is always ready to give you a kick in the butt

Let’s just dive in to this one shall we?

As Black people, we are known for telling it like it is. Sometimes when you work with a Black therapist, she expects that you be willing to peel back the layers, be honest and open. Black therapists often like to hold you accountable. If you say you want to get something done in therapy, we are typically not afraid to call you out when you don’t get it done.

I personally believe that therapy should work. Therapy isn’t social hour. It’s not the place to laugh it up and socialize- although there might be some laughter involved in therapy. Therapy is supposed to help you accomplish goals, feel better and improve your relationship with yourself and others.

I know that before you call me, you have spent quite a bit of time researching, listening to podcasts, reading books and trying to utilize every possible tool you have available. So when you come in to work with me, I assume that you’re ready to roll those sleeves up and Get. To. Work.

It’s my job to give you support, but when you need a swift kick in the butt, I’m here to give you just that.

You don’t need to explain much to a Black therapist. She just gets it

One of the major complaints I hear from clients when they’ve been working with a therapist who is not a great fit for them, is that therapy felt like they were spending all their time explaining every little detail of their lives to the therapist. They had to explain details about their hair and culture, they had to explain what a micro aggression is, they had to explain colorism, they had to code switch. They also had to worry about coming across like the angry, Black, woman. Some said they felt a need to come across as strong.

When you’re working with a Black therapist, we know how to read between the lines. We typically don’t try to convince you that a micro aggression is not a micro aggression. We don’t try to convince you that your feelings are all in your head. And we certainly will not be asking you 987 questions about your hair, jewelry, head wrap or personal style.

Because we have had some similar experiences as you, we are able to empathize with you. We understand the subtle nuances and what they mean. We get the inflection in your voice, the discomfort you feel around certain people, the struggle of feeling like you’re too much, too Black, too educated, too successful, or that some people think you single handedly are responsible for the thoughts and opinions of every Black person.

Now does that mean every single Black therapist will be a great fit for you? Nope! I highly suggest that you request a consultation and look through the therapist’s website before you decide if she’s a great fit for you. Here’s a link to a blog post I wrote about questions to ask before picking a Black therapist.

The level of comfort is refreshing

Making the decision to begin therapy is difficult. I mean therapy is essentially you filleting open your life to a stranger and hoping that they will provide you with the support and safety you need to resolve the issues that brought into therapy in the first place.

It’s no joke. And it could be uncomfortable.

As a Black therapist, I do not take my position lightly. I know the level of vulnerability it takes to open up to a stranger (I’m not a stranger to therapy myself. Yup! I practice what I preach). I also understand the layers of systemic racism, environmental struggle, family dynamics, toxic work environments, on top of your own personal emotional struggles. When I work with my clients, I see them as people first, but I certainly do not brush issues of race, gender, socio economic status and politics aside.

When you sit across a Black therapist, many of us understand that there are so many layers lurking beneath the surface. We understand that your life is complex and we do not lump you into stereotypes and misconceptions about Black people or other people of color.

That level of acceptance is refreshing. Most people spend a huge portion of their lives trying to find that level of acceptance. You get to truly experience that when you work with a Black therapist.

Your Black therapist is not your friend

This is the part where I break your heart. As your therapist, I am absolutely not your friend. Now, I know when you work with a great therapist, it feels like a sisterhood. It feels so warm and fuzzy because you’re able to laugh, cry, get mad, and talk about issues you’ve never been able to talk to anyone else about.

You feel seen for the first time. You get lots of feedback about why you are the way you are. You are able to change your thought patterns, let go of your toxic past, repair relationships and regain a new sense of who you are. But even though your therapist can be your greatest cheerleader, she is not your friend.

A friend has a hard time seeing your patterns and telling you how it is. A friend is typically not trained in human behavior and patterns. A friend also will probably not call you out in a way that is both gentle and effective. If your therapist were your friend (which is unethical by the way), the emotional connection will get in the way of the logic and years of training we use to steer you in the right direction and guide you towards your goals.

I hope this is helpful in peeling back the layers about therapy. There is such a huge stigma about going to therapy in communities of color. It is my hope that we are able to chip away at the stigma so that we can create generational healing.

If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing, let go of anxiety and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.

Want to read other related posts?

How to find a Black therapist

New to therapy: Questions to ask a Black therapist before beginning therapy

Common questions about working with a Black therapist

What to expect when working with a Black therapist