You’ve been struggling for a moment, so you do a Google search for a therapist. You review a few websites, and some of those therapists are Black. You however, are not sure whether or not you want to work with a Black therapist.
Here are a few myths about working with a Black therapist that we probably should clear up.
1) You have to be Black to work with a Black therapist
Let’s just shatter this now. Black therapists didn't get masters degrees and PhD’s to learn solely about the minds and experiences of Black people. We do have the experience and ability to help people of all backgrounds. While of course, a lot of Black and African American therapists do try to increase access to mental health services in Black communities and other communities of color, many Black therapists will be more than happy to work with you if you’re not Black.
It is important to examine your biases though. How do you really feel about working with a Black therapist?
2) You can’t tell a Black therapist your business- it’ll make you look weak.
I’ve heard it said that some people don’t want to talk to a Black therapist- because of the stereotype of the strong, Black woman. We sometimes assume that Black women do not feel pain (physical and/or emotional) and so, they will not be able to relate to your struggles. Sometimes there’s a myth that they will judge you because your problems aren’t “Bad enough.”
This cannot be further from the truth. Black women (and therapists) are just as capable of feeling physical and emotional pain as everyone else. In fact, I can say that we love it when our clients experience emotional breakthroughs, become vulnerable and begin to unpack emotional baggage.
So go ahead- relax your shoulders and feel free to begin to share with your therapist.
3) You can’t address issues of race, injustice and privilege
Sometimes there might be a feeling of guilt. You assume that because your therapist is Black she has struggled with racial trauma, and so you don’t want to ‘burden’ her with your own stories of racial injustice and pain.
As therapists, we are highly trained. We do not do this work because we are looking for pity or guilt form our clients. We have many skills to help us separate our own experiences from the experiences of our clients. We do not have to experience everything that our clients have in order to help them. Think about it this way- a doctor can fix your broken arm without ever having the experience of a broken arm.
As a Black therapist, I have to say that part of my professionalism is to be able to immerse myself into your experience, then help you process through it and come out with greater clarity. So please, share whatever you need to. It makes the therapy experience much better.
4) A Black therapist will expect me to pray or go to church
Nope! Remember that not all Black therapists are Christian and not all Black therapists actually pray. On top of that, therapists learn how to set clear boundaries and do what is best for our clients.
As a Black, Christian therapist, I absolutely do not force prayer, the Bible or my spiritual beliefs down my clients’ throats. I do not integrate faith without your consent. And even if you are a Christian, and you tell me that you do not want your faith integrated into your treatment, there is no judgment from me.
Judgement actually gets in the way of all the great work we can do together.
5) Working with a Black therapist will be just like talking to my sister or friend
Your therapist is NOT your friend. You won’t be going to lunch with her, celebrating your birthday with her, going on vacation with her or going to the spa with her. Unlike your friend, your therapist is there to help you meet your goals- not just nod, smile and agree with everything you say.
That being said, your therapist has your best interest at heart and wants to see you win.
Your therapist is laser focused on guiding you to a positive outcome. Sometimes your friends are unable to address difficult issues with you or set clear boundaries, because they are afraid that they will lose your friendship. Your therapist on the other hand, is willing to risk losing you as a client when she sets clear boundaries with you.
I hope the above myths have been cleared up.
If you are a high achieving woman of color in California who is ready to break free from your toxic past, stop the people pleasing and get comfortable with visibility, click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. I also help couples get their spark back, and women with insomnia who want to simply learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep.
If you’re looking for a virtual support group for women of color, Read more about Lay Down Your Burdens: A Virtual support group for women of color here.
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