As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I cannot tell you how many terrified clients come to see me in the dead of night. Okay maybe not in the dead of night, but I cannot tell you how many couples struggle with their marriage for 6 or 7 years before they finally decide to pick up the phone and call me.
I’ve often wondered why Christians run away from marriage counseling or couples therapy outside the church, and I think I’ve figured it out.
Here are 6 reasons why you might also be running from counseling or therapy as a Christian:
They think that marriage counseling or therapy in general is not biblical
The number one struggle or fear that Christians often have is going to a marriage counselor whom they believe will speak against their Christian beliefs. People often assume that because a therapist has studied psychology or human behavior, that they somehow will speak against the Bible.
In many churches, we are taught to pray, seek God and just keep your struggles to yourself. But if you search the Bible, you will notice that the early Christians actually shared each other’s burdens and lived life as a united community.
If you are in a place in your marriage where things feel super hard, I encourage you to do some research. Please know that there are indeed many Christian therapists who can integrate biblical principles into their counseling.
Here are some questions to ask a prospective marriage counselor to ensure that her beliefs are in line with your own Christian beliefs.
They are afraid to share their marriage struggles outside the church
Many Christians believe in a life of martyrdom.
No matter how hard they struggle, they hold it all to their chest and tell no one about it. Some people also believe that they are having struggles in their marriage because of some sin they must have committed in the past.
The problem with this line of thinking is that it holds your marriage ransom. When you go through couples therapy, you will quickly learn that your marriage can be fixed if you and your spouse have a desire to do so. And if you want to keep your sins close to your chest, then why did Christ die for you?
They think they can pray their marital problems away
This is one I see over and over again. Many Christians believe that if they pray hard enough, their marriage will be healed. But what they fail to realize is that faith without works is dead- and I got that straight from the Bible. Even the Bible tells us to seek wise counsel.
If you pray over and over again, but you and your husband do not have the adequate tools to strengthen your friendship, improve your communication and learn adequate conflict resolution skills, your marriage will feel like an uncofmrtorbale battle ground forever, and you will be robbing your family of a happy future.
They believe that people who go to couples therapy are weak.
No one wants to look weak. We all want to believe that we are made of grit and resiliency. But you see, as humans who live in a fallen world, we are bound to have struggles sometimes.
The problem with trying to avoid looking weak, is that your marriage will eventually deteriorate if you’re not doing anything to improve it.
The great thing about working with a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that we keep your business confidential. We are not allowed to talk to others about you. Many of us do not judge you or see you as weak. We simply just see you as to individuals who are doing the best you can to keep your marriage alive.
When people go to the doctor for a check up, we certainly don’t think they are weak. So why do we think people who go to marriage counseling or couples therapy are weak?
Their marital issues aren’t serious enough for therapy
Your marriage does not have to be on the verge of collapse for couples therapy to benefit you. Why would you wait for the house to collapse before you start repairs?
Couples therapy is best for people who are interested in doing the work, being vulnerable with one another and reconnecting.
It’s important to seek couples counseling in Houston before things become irreparable. Prevention is better than cure.
They can talk to their friends or family about their marital problems
Of course you can talk to your friends and family about your marital problems, but are they trained in human behavior? Do they have a background in psychology? Are they able to give you the necessary skills and tools to do life with your spouse? Or will they just nod their heads, pray for you and send you on your merry way?
Although your friends and family members probably mean well, sometimes, they inadvertently give you advice that will end up sabotaging your entire marriage.
It’s important to note that couples therapists have years of experience and training that is specific to couples and marriages, and they know how to help you listen, communicate in a way that is stress free, and also how to stop persistent problems that have plagued your marriage for years.
If you are ready to finally have a marriage that feels easy, and learn how to appropriately communicate with your spouse, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call with me.
