For the past few weeks, I have been diving into exactly what high sensitivity is. If you want a complete definition of what high sensitivity is, click here for the first part of this blog. And if you are wondering whether or not you are highly sensitive, click here to take Dr Elaine Aron’s high sensitivity self test.
In my previous blog I mentioned that there are four parts to high sensitivity:
Depth of processing (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Overarousability (To learn more about depth of processing click here)
Emotional Intensity
Sensory processing sensitivity
Today, I'll be focusing on emotional intensity.
Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.
This is one of the top struggles I see in my practice as an anxiety therapist in Houston and as a high sensitivity coach. Most highly sensitive people are embarrassed because they tend to cry a lot. People with high sensitivity often complain that they cry when they're angry, sad, upset, frustrated, or even tired. And this often elicits negative comments from the non sensitive people around them such as “Why are you such a cry baby?” Or “Why do you always have to cry?,” or “You cry too much.” This then causes the sensitive person to believe that they are “Dramatic” or “Too soft.”
How to manage emotional intensity
Turn to the arts
Highly sensitive people often do well when they have an outlet for their emotions. If you do not have supportive people around you who can listen to your struggles, or help you process your emotions, you can try processing your emotions through arts, downs, music, writing or some sort of creative outlet.
Become your own cheerleader
Chances are you were called dramatic or you felt like your emotions were not welcome when you were growing up, so as an adult it might be helpful to become your own cheerleader.
Whenever you have an experience of a big emotion, you can let yourself know that it is actually OK to have those deep emotions. Remember that every single person on earth experiences emotions. The difference between you and them is that you just experience them on a much bigger scale and you express them a bit differently.
Learn more about emotions
I know that this might sound counterintuitive. On the one hand, you feel like you have way too many emotions, but on the other hand, you might not know too much about emotions because most of your life, your emotions were made fun of, shamed, or pushed away.
One of my favorite tools for recognizing emotions is called the feelings wheel. It is a colorful wheel that has a list of many different emotions that range in depth and intensity.
When you feel some sort of emotion going on inside you, take a look at the feelings wheel and try to pinpoint what emotion it is that you are feeling. This not only empowers you, but it puts a name to the feeling, thereby reducing your feeling of shame or confusion.
And there we go. The third characteristic of high sensitivity is done. If you are a highly sensitive woman looking to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions and finally stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough session to see how we can work together.