Black therapist Houston

How to assertively set healthy boundaries in marriage and other relationships

How to assertively set healthy boundaries in marriage and other relationships

The word ‘Boundaries’ is a popular buzz word. But do you really know what it means? Simply put, a boundary is something that tells people how to treat you. Think of it like a fence protecting your house. Somewhere in the middle of the fence is a gate. You decide when to open the gate, who to open the gate to, and when to close the gate.

Many highly sensitive people have been told that they are “Too much.” And because of this, they try to please people by not setting firm boundaries. Then there comes a feeling of shame after not setting a firm enough boundary.

High sensitivity 101: 3 Simple questions to ask yourself when you're overwhelmed or stressed

High sensitivity 101: 3 Simple questions to ask yourself when you're overwhelmed or stressed

When you are highly sensitive, emotions feel deep and intense. Sometimes you feel multiple emotions at the same time, making it difficult for you to sort through what is actually going on within you.

Because you go through so many emotions and chances are you spend so much time trying to keep these emotions under the surface, you haven't really gotten good at identifying your emotional needs.

Here are simple questions to help you identify what you need when you are overwhelmed or stressed.

What exactly is High Sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 4)

In my previous 3 blog posts, I have been sharing about the 4 characteristics of high sensitivity and simple ways to manage them. If you want to find out whether or not you are highly sensitive, take Dr Elaine Aron’s self test here.

In my 3 previous blog posts, I talked about;

Depth of Processing (Click here to read about it)

Overarousability (Click here to read about it)

Emotional Intensity (Click here to read about it)

And in this blog post, I’ll tackle Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which is the 4th characteristic of high sensitivity.

What exactly is sensory processing sensitivity?

Have you ever felt the itchy tag at the back of your shirt that drives you nuts? Or the seam in your socks that no one seems to notice? Or do you tend to feel cold when everyone else is fine? Maybe you have always had sensitive skin, or you pick up slight noises easily?

That’s sensory processing sensitivity. Your actual senses seem to be on overdrive.

People around you might not understand how you notice things like this. Maybe all the stimuli around you actually gives you a tummy ache or a headache. Or you seem to be bothered by certain fabrics, your foods touching, your hair being brushed, or shoes not fitting correctly. This could make you feel like something is wrong with you.

It is important to state here that you should probably first go to the physician to ensure that nothing is actually wrong, as we do not want to brush everything off as high sensitivity. Sometimes people actually do have allergies or actual physical disorders. So get that checked out first.

But if all of that pans out and you find out that you are actually highly sensitive, here are some things you might do about it:

How to cope with sensory processing sensitivity

One of the best ways to cope with sensory processing sensitivity is to set your home and work environment up for success. Think about taking care of your five senses.

  1. Smell

    Ensure your home, car, closet and work environments are aired out regularly if possible. That eliminates stale smells that could cause you to gag or feel uncomfortable. If you have specific scents that you like, consider getting some type of air freshener, candles or essential oils to create relaxing or refreshing smells all around you. You could even include fresh flowers or plants to help oxygenate the indoor air.

  2. Sight

    Clutter is the enemy of every highly sensitive person. Even if you are the most disorganized person on the earth, it will still drive you nuts. Come up with a very simple tidy up routine that you can do every night. I personally find it easier to tidy up as I go. If you struggle with being disorganized, this book will really help you thrive.

    Minimalist decor also presents you with less clutter for you to look at or stimuli for you to notice.

  3. Sound

    When searching for an apartment or a home, if you can avoid it, avoid living on a busy intersection. The sound of traffic will most likely bother you. You might also try sleeping with a white noise machine or the sounds of nature to drown out environmental noises. Think about the sound of the appliances in your home. Things like televisions, radios, music or other appliances should be put into consideration. Having too many noises on at the same time can be overstimulating. For example, if your TV, computer and phone are going at the same time, it could become an issue for you.

  4. Touch

    Include soft and comfortable textures in your home or office decor. Buy furniture that feels warm and cozy in the winter, and cool in the summertime.

    Although leather furniture tends to look appealing to the eye, it is often hot to sit on in the summer and pretty cold in the winter. Leather also tends to stick to the skin when you sweat.

    Only buy clothes that feel comfortable. Although we all want to wear the latest fashions, you will feel miserable if your fabric feels itchy and non-breathable. Include items cozy socks, and warm breathable bedding and pajamas in your home.

    Also be aware of the temperature you set your thermostat to- nothing too hot or too cold. Cool will feel the best.

  5. Taste

    Some highly sensitive people cannot handle certain foods due to their smell, texture or taste. Do not force yourself to eat these foods- even if they are a cultural norm. Get used to setting boundaries and letting people know your food preferences.

    If you are a highly sensitive woman who is ready to turn sensitivity into your superpower, manage BIG emotions, set clear boundaries and stop people pleasing, click here to schedule your free 20-min breakthrough call so we can work together.

What exactly is high sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 3)

What exactly is high sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 3)

Emotional intensity simply means that highly sensitive people tend to experience emotions on a much deeper level than non-sensitive people. So for example when they're happy, you might see them with a big smile on their face, acting silly or giggling a lot. When they're sad it seems like their sadness is a lot deeper than usual, or if they are upset you might see them cry. This is often puzzling to people who are non-sensitive. It is important to note that emotional sensitivity is not necessarily a bad thing.

What exactly is high sensitivity? And how to cope with it (Part 1)

What exactly is high sensitivity?  And how to cope with it (Part 1)

What exactly is high sensitivity?

If you have been told “You’re too sensitive,” “You cry too much,” “You need to toughen up,” “You need to not be so upset,” “You have no reason to be upset” or “You need to grow tougher skin,” then chances are you might actually be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).

How the five languages can improve your marriage drastically

Marriage takes quite a bit of work. It is two people, coming together to intentionally create a life that works well. A great marriage however, is simply the result of a lifetime of work. There is no luck involved. It is about unlearning old patterns that no longer work for you, and relearning new patterns that can move your marriage forward.

In my opinion, one of the most helpful tools that all couples should learn within their marriage is the 5 love languages.