You and your partner have been struggling for a while. You’ve tried to patch things up, but to no avail. It seems like you’re arguing every other day. And you can’t stand it anymore.

You decided to contact a marriage counselor, after all you’ve heard that couples counseling can really improve your relationship.

Before you attend your first couples therapy or marriage counseling session, here’s what you should know:

Start with a great mindset before you begin couples therapy or couples counseling

Sometimes, when couples come to see me in my marriage counseling office in Murrieta, they are usually expecting their marriage counselor (me) to do all the work. The truth is that your couples therapist is simply a guide. He or she gives you the tools you need and it is the job of you and your spouse to implement the skills.

Simply listening attentively when you are in relationship counseling is not enough. You need to actually implement what you’re being taught. So step one of being successful in couples therapy, is to have a learning mindset.

Be ready to try new things- no matter how scary it might be. if you start therapy believing it will fail, your sessions will probably fail. But if you go in with a positive and proactive mindset, you’re setting yourself and your marriage up for success.

Identify your marriage counseling goals

To make the process a lot smoother, it’s important that your relationship counselor or marriage counselor knows what you and your spouse are expecting to gain from couples therapy.

Spend some time thinking about this before your first session. A simple way to pinpoint your marriage counseling goals, is to close your eyes, fast forward to 6 months from now and imagine what you want your day to day life to look like.

Where will you live?
Where will both you and your spouse sleep?
What will your daily interactions with your spouse look like?
How will you feel when your partner walks into the room?
How will you both manage conflicts?
How will your communication with your spouse change?
Who will notice these changes?

Let your couples therapist know this so that everyone is on the same page.

Get a couples therapy or marriage counseling notebook

This isn’t mandatory, but when you’re in couples therapy or couples counseling, it’s important to have a system to document what you’re learning. A lot of difficult emotions will be stirred up in your couples counseling sessions.

Your notebook is a great place to journal about your feelings after sessions, and also a great place to store any homework your therapist gives you. That way you will be staying present and you won’t let anything fall through the cracks.

Your couples therapy notebook is also a place to celebrate wins, practice communication skills and to jot down any big issues that come up for you in between couples counseling sessions. That’ll make your sessions be a lot more productive.

These are some simple ways to get yourself ready for your first marriage counseling or relationship counseling session.

If you are sick and tired of a stale, loveless marriage, couples counseling in the Murrieta/Temecula area might be just what you need to turn your marriage around. Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call with me- a licensed marriage and family therapist for people in Murrieta and throughout California.

About the Author

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.