As a trained Christian marriage counselor in Houston or couples therapist in Houston, I understand that couples therapy is a skill that not every therapist possesses. And this is no shade whatsoever. After all, I consider my skills in child and adolescent therapy to be quite average, which is why I don’t work with kids.
In fact, many marriage and family therapists, as well as counselors do not see couples- because they know it’s another kettle of fish altogether. By the way, this is a great thing. I believe it’s more important to specialize in a skill set that you’re great at, rather than providing a multitude of subpar services.
What you might not know is that many licensed marriage and family therapists do not have adequate training to skillfully practice couples therapy (don’t let our title fool you). So before you embark on your couples therapy journey in Houston, it is important to first ask your therapist if they do indeed have the necessary training to accomplish such an important task.
That being said, here are some signs that you need to fire your Houston marriage counselor or couples therapist ASAP.
1) They don’t do a thorough assessment when they start couples therapy with you
When you go into couples therapy in Houston, it’s important that you’re not just jumping from one argument to the other. The therapist should take a step back and get to know you and your partner well. This is because a lot of useful information can be unearthed by doing a thorough assessment.
You’ll learn how your upbringing affects the way you are as a wife, how past traumas play a role in your relationship, how different unspoken rules are plaguing your relationship, amongst other dynamics. Most importantly, you’ll learn how underlying patterns are working to either build your marriage up or tear it down.
2) They spend a whole bunch of your marriage counseling time listening to you and your spouse arguing
Couples therapy in Houston should certainly not feel like a war every single session. Yes, sometimes sessions can leave you feeling drained, but it shouldn’t be a he-said, she-said event every single week. The goal of couples therapy is to help you gain tools that will help you improve your relationship- not to give you the necessary ammunition to destroy your marriage.
So if every couples counseling session is feeling like a never ending argument, that’s a red flag. It is a sign that your marriage counselor isn’t adequately skilled in couples therapy. Trust me, working with couples is very different than working in individual therapy.
3) Your couples therapist doesn't have any training in couples therapy
Well this should have been number 1 on my list. And how do you know if your couples therapist has training in couples therapy? All you have to do is ask them. When you sign up for a consultation with your couples therapist, or during the first session, just ask “What type of couples therapy training do you have?” Easy peasy. I personally prefer the Gottman Method, and I’m trained in level 1 and level 2, but honestly, it doesn't matter what method they use- as long as they have some sort of training in marriage counseling.
4) Your marriage counselor appears to be taking sides
This is a big one. Each partner in couples therapy should feel seen, heard and respected. But I’ve heard tales of couples therapists who clearly side with one partner- leaving the other feeling alienated.
As a Houston couples therapist, it is not beyond me to call you out from time to time. If you for example are blatantly rude to your spouse in my presence, I’ll call you out. If you show up every week without doing the marriage counseling homework, I will call you out, and if you have a clear pattern of behavior that isn’t helping your marriage, I will call you out. But my goal is for both of you to win. And I don’t play couples therapy favorites.
If you feel disrespected by your couples therapist, feel free to let them know. If they do not validate your feelings or their behavior persists, it might be time to terminate couples therapy or marriage counseling. Your emotional safety is a priority.
5) You consistently feel uncomfortable in couples therapy
And this goes for every type of therapy interaction you have. There has to be a good fit between you and your couples therapist. If something about them makes your skin crawl, if you find it challenging to open up to them after multiple session, if you just don’t like their vibe, or if something feels consistently off, then it’s time to let them go.
Sometimes it might mean you’re not ready for couples therapy. So take a moment to take stock of what’s going on internally. Other times, it means the couples therapist isn’t the right marriage counselor for you. That’s okay. There are probably hundreds of marriage counselors in Houston for you to pick from. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right marriage counselor for you.
If you are in the market for a couples therapist in Houston who will give you the necessary tools you need to help your marriage succeed, and who isn’t afraid to call you out when you’re making a mess, then I might be the couples therapist in Houston or you.
I’m a Black Christian marriage counselor in Houston who believes that therapy should work. If you want to find out if we’re a great fit in therapy click here to schedule a free consultation call. You deserve a marriage that’s fun, light and safe.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia.
I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are:
Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust
If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.
