Houston couples therapy tips: Do you want a divorce or are you just bored in your marriage?
As a couples therapist in Houston, I sometimes get calls from couples who say that they think they want a divorce. It is not uncommon for me to do co-parenting or ‘healthy divorce’ sessions.
Sometimes couples want a divorce, but they want to avoid all the fighting and drama that goes with it, so couples therapy for them looks like negotiating healthy boundaries so that they have as amicable a divorce as possible.
But before you sign the divorce papers, it is important to ask yourself whether you actually want a divorce or if you're just bored with the way things are. Maybe you're just frustrated and have lost hope that things can work out.
Here’s how to find out if you actually want a divorce.
1) Do you want to spend energy working towards a solution for your marriage?
Whether you get marriage counseling or couples therapy to work on your marriage, you get couples therapy to work on co-parenting, or you decide not to get therapy at all, you will be expending some energy. It’s important to ask yourself what you would like to spend your energy on.
If no one has told you this, let me be the first to tell you- couples therapy is hard work. It’s a very active process. You’ll have to sit, listen, practice skills, be vulnerable and do homework (fun!). If you don’t actually do the homework, you and your spouse will end up back at square one- bored, at each other’s throats and on the brink of divorce.
2) If a solution to your marriage troubles were presented to you, would you take it?
If I waved a magic wand today, and I gave you a special solution to fix your marriage, would you actually take it?
If the answer is yes, then perhaps you don’t actually want a divorce. You want a solution for your marriage. Maybe you’ve tried all the things, read all the books, tried to get your husband or wife to see reason, and nothing has worked. So you decide that it’s time for a divorce.
But have you tried marriage counseling in Houston? A skilled marriage counselor in Houston can help you work on improving your communication, navigating conflicts, repairing when things go left and maintaining a strong fienedhsip. If you’re ready to try marriage counseling in Houston, click here for a free consultation call.
3) Has your marriage stopped providing you with the excitement it used to?
There are natural ebbs and flows in marriage. Most people start off super strong and passionate, and as the years go by, children get born, careers advance, health crises happen, and the marriage takes a back seat.
You start to feel like you’re just a worker in the home, rather than someone’s treasured spouse. You stop surprising each other, and you become like roommates.
Here’s the time to ask yourself, can we bring the spark back into the marriage or is it time to call it quits.
4) Do you feel safe within the marriage relationship?
No relationship can thrive without physical and emotional safety. As a rule, I would never ever advise that you stay put within an unsafe relationship. And you get to decide what feels safe versus unsafe to you. If you are experiencing abuse or insecurity within the relationship, you have every right to do what you need to stay safe.
5) Are you struggling to communicate your needs in a way that your spouse can understand?
Sometimes the job of a couples therapist or marriage counselor is to teach you how to help your spouse understand what you need. Never assume that your spouse is a mind reader. Even if you’ve been married for 10 years, he might still struggle to give you what you need.
Although it’s frustrating to repeat yourself over and over again, marriage counseling could help improve the communication. Most people are actually very poor communicators, but they don’t learn that until they start marriage counseling.
So there you have it.
Before you run to divorce court, ask yourself if you indeed are looking for a divorce, or you’re just looking for a solution to your current marital problems.
If you are ready to learn how to talk to your spouse in a way that he (or she) can understand, so that you can have a lasting friendship and a passionate marriage, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call for Christian marriage counseling in Houston.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist. I provide couples therapy in Houston and throughout California.
I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are: