Starting marriage counseling can be daunting. You've been on Google for hours trying to find the best couples counselor in Houston. You have no idea what to expect. The average couple waits about six or seven years from the start of their marital struggles before they pick up the phone to call a marriage counselor.
So by the time you get to the marriage counselor’s Houston office or virtual office, chances are you have a WHOLE LOT to unpack.
Here's what to expect should you choose to make the amazing decision to start marriage counseling in Houston.
1) Expect to be nervous and uncomfortable during your first few marriage counseling sessions.
Like I said previously, when you go into marriage counseling you're probably there because there are one or more things within your relationship that you are desperately wanting to change. That’s what relationship therapy in Houston is for.
Chances are that you might be on the verge of divorce, or perhaps you and your spouse are still friends, but there's one persistent issue that keeps coming up over and over again.
You might find it a little bit embarrassing to share some of your issues in front of a couples therapist whom you’ve never met. This feeling is normal. It takes a little bit of faith, and a lot of courage to seek any type of counseling. The nervousness and discomfort will fade as you get to know your couples counselor better. As a marriage counselor in Houston, it’s my job to help you feel less awkward in therapy.
2) Expect a thorough assessment before you dive into couples counseling in Houston
Not every Houston couples therapist works in the same way. Some dive straight in on the first session. By the way, the way I work is pretty different. I actually spend the first four relationship therapy sessions truly getting to know you and your partner.
I ask questions about what brings you into couples therapy, I ask if you've ever been to couples therapy and what your experiences have been, I ask about your upbringing, your mental health history, if you have any children and what those relationships look like.
I ask about the friendship between you and your spouse, what is working for you, what no longer works for you, as well as what you wish to see.
I do not assume that every client or couple is the same. So, I spend quite a few hours really getting into the nitty-gritty, so that we can figure out what your areas of strength are, and the areas of growth, before we dive in.
This prevents us from playing the guessing game and it saves you time. I take couples counseling pretty seriously. Couples counseling in Houston is not a game- it’s about depending your friendship and actually improving your relationship.
3) Expect brutal honesty from me if I’m you’re couples therapist in Houston
Many people thoroughly believe that a couples therapist in Houston should be completely neutral. After all, when we watch couples therapy on TV, the marriage therapist sits on a couch with her legs crossed, glasses on, pen in hand and she just seems to nod and smile.
I do not take that approach.
I believe in brutal honesty. If I feel like your approach to your spouse is rude, I will say so. If I feel like you're holding back, I will say so.
If you have been waiting six years to work on your marital issues, the last thing that you need is a couples therapist who just stares at you blankly. My job is to actually help you work through those issues so that you can indeed meet your marriage therapy goals.
(Side note: I use the terms relationship counselor, marriage counselor and couples therapist interchangeably. In my opinion, they all mean the same thing).
4) Expect lots of laughs in our Houston marriage counseling sessions
I don't know how other couples therapists in Houston are conducting their couples therapy, but I am known for belly laughs and lots of cackling. I do understand that troubled relationships is very serious business.
But I also believe that there is room for laughter and lightness. You and your spouse are coming to see me because chances are you're both driving each other nuts. You deserve a few minutes of joy as you both work really hard to salvage your relationship. And let’s face it, a great marriage is based on a solid friendship.
So marriage therapy with me is not just somber and boring, there are some times when I throw in a little bit of shade and I bring in the lightness. Every couples counseling session will not feel like a funeral.
5) Expect lots of homework and accountability in Houston couples therapy
If you keep doing what you've been doing in your marriage, you will keep getting what you already have. And chances are you do not like what you already have, so you might as well try something different.
When you work with me in marriage counseling, I will be giving you specific skills that you should be practicing outside of session. You only meet with me for about an hour a week, but you live with each other for 24 hours each day, times seven days a week. That is a total of 168 hours each week.
To actually see some changes in your couples relationship, you have to work hard to change the way you think about your spouse, change the way you speak to him, and completely overhaul your interactions with one another. This is when you actually see true progress in your relationships.
And it is my job to hold you accountable so that you can actually get the desired results – which is an amazing marriage.
If I sound like your ideal Houston marriage therapist, click here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation call with me. You deserve a marriage that is filled with belly laughs, close friendship, intimacy and shared goals.
Do not wait seven years to seek marriage counseling. You can get the marriage that you've dreamed of right now.
As a Black couples therapist in Houston, I see couples throughout California and Texas.
About the Author
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are: