Doing Enough? How to Quiet the Voice That Says You’re Falling Behind
Why High-Achievers Feel Like They’re Always Running Late to Life’s Party
If you are a high-performing, highly sensitive woman, chances are you constantly feel like you are falling behind. There’s an invisible race in your mind, and you’re never feeling like you’re in first place. But the truth is that your 100% is probably the 200% of the average person. Plus competition is just a figment of your imagination. Because most people are just running their own race without being focused on you.
And my gentle advice to you would be, consider living life at 80% because chances are your 80% is 100% of the average person. You constantly push yourself because you think that you should be doing more, pressing more, showing up more. And it shows up in your business, in parenting and sometimes in your spiritual life.
You think to yourself, “Other people accomplished XYZ at my age, so why am I still here?” But the thing you fail to realize is that we move at different paces in different areas of our lives. So you might have been the first 25 year old CEO of your company, but you feel like you are not the stereotypical Pinterest mom that you wish you could be.
Or maybe your kids are ahead of the curve. You feel very well engaged and settled with your family members at home, but in business, your startup has not taken off as far as you thought it would. Or you are the prayer warrior Christian woman who knows how to bring the heavens down, but you're really not sure if you are in the right career- even though you have been working in that field for over 10 years.
Take a deep breath.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be. How did you get here? Perhaps you were pushed too hard by your parents. Or maybe it is the opposite. Perhaps you saw your parents struggle, and you vowed that you never wanted to struggle like them. Or maybe you were often told that you needed to do more. People around you saw your potential, and it is your main goal in life to ensure that you exceed the potential that people saw in you, so that nobody says bad things about you. And if you are a woman who experienced trauma, perhaps you vowed that nobody would ever take advantage of you again. You never want to be a victim, so you ensure that you are knowledgeable in every single area of your life. You are hyperindependent – never wanting to depend on anyone or be caught off guard.
Learning to Rest Without Feeling Guilty (Yes, It’s Possible)
The word of God asks us to “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth” (Psalm 46:10). I often wonder what that means. In this busy, loud, overachieving world, stillness is viewed as a problem. As a sign of laziness or a lack of ambition. Stillness is hard to come by. We are busy looking at our phones, laughing at the latest social media videos, checking our schedules, jetting off to the next location, and chastising ourselves when we get too much sleep (as if it’s ever possible).
Maybe it’s time for you to slow down and actually enjoy all your hardwork. What use are your possessions, your home, your bed, your car, your friends, your money, the city you live in, if you actually never enjoy them? Hardwork is great, but you must learn to pause in the process. Because it is the pause that allows you to reevaluate your circumstances. It is the pause that allows you to get additional blueprints for life. It is also in the pause where you learn to have gratitude for all you are and have.
As a Christian therapist in Houston, I know there are so many people whose worth seems to be attached to their output. You feel worthy when your life is good. You feel worthy when you are booked and busy, when your phone won’t stop ringing, when you are sought after by many. But in the quiet seasons, you feel like you are no good.
Remember that your worth is not in your title or busyness. You are worthy just as a child of God. Whether or not you’re the brightest star in the room or you star barely shines, you are still worthy of love and all the good things life has to offer- because you are a child of God. And nothing can take that away from you.
Replacing the “I’m Not Doing Enough” Loop With a Kinder Inner Voice
At the surface, perfectionism is the thing that has gotten you where you need to be in your career. You’ve shattered glass ceilings, signed huge deals and done the seemingly unattainable. But the problem with perfectionism is that it is now affecting your self worth. You are always trying to top the last project. You are competing with not only yourself, but with other women around you. It just feels as if you’ll never attain you desired level. You have pushed yourself to the point of burnout.
If you are stuck in the “I’m not doing enough” loop, it’s time to break free. First know who you are in Christ. He saved you because He loves you. It’s not about your qualifications, appearance, credentials or the amount of work you put in. It’s just because He loved and loves you just as you are. Excellence, not perfection, is the goal. To be excellent is to do something to the best of your ability. You have to leave room for some mistakes, room for being tired and room for yourself to grow.
Here are some affirmations to say to yourself to help you break out of that perfectionism loop:
My worth is not tied to how much I accomplish.
I love myself, and because I love myself, I will give myself the gift of stillness and rest.
I will do my work excellently, not perfectly.
I stay in my lane. I do not compare myself to others.
I seek out relationships that value me for who I am-not for what I do.
The goal is to be kinder and gentler with yourself. Give yourself room to make mistakes.
How a Christian Therapist in Houston Helps You Redefine Success on Your Terms
As a Christian therapist in Houston, my job is to help you redefine success on your own terms. We’ll talk about your history with self worth and how you came to estimate your worth according to your work. I’ll help you focus on your goals without comparing yourself to others. Our work together will look like you breaking out of hustle culture and into a life that actually feels good for you. Because you are a brilliant woman who deserves joy. You will learn to do life on your own terms, while continuing to do excellent work.
Finding Peace and Perspective With a Black Therapist in Houston Who Gets It
When you are looking for a therapist in Houston to help you break free from the chains of perfectionism and low self worth, it is important that you find a therapist who is not only empathetic, but one who understands you from a cultural perspective. As a Black immigrant therapist in Houston, who is also a Christian, I understand the intersection of faith, mental health and culture. I understand that you cannot be expected to throw your culture away. I understand that you want to honor your parents and your family, while honoring God and navigating who you are in this season. Therapy is a place where sensitive, high achieving women can find their worth again and ditch the worry of not being enough.
Ask yourself, what would change if I believed I was enough?
You don’t have to prove your worth—it’s already settled. If you're weary from striving, therapy can help. As a Christian therapist in Houston, I walk with highly sensitive women who want to heal, rest, and reconnect with what really matters. Book your free consult call for therapy in Houston today.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
