Important Questions to Ask a Prospective Marriage Therapist | Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston
Why Choosing the Right Marriage Therapist is Key to a Successful Relationship
Therapy is becoming more and more important, because people are realizing that a little professional help does not hurt. Going to marriage therapy is not a sign that things are necessarily exploding in your marriage, rather, going to couples therapy is just a sign that the both of you are willing to learn, change, and make things better as a unit. One of the important things that marriage therapy will teach you how to do is to create a healthy marriage. Let's face it, many people did not grow up in a healthy family dynamic. Lots of my clients grew up in a single parent environment, so they do not have the luxury of getting to watch a husband and wife communicate in a healthy way.
And of those who grew up in a two parent dynamic, some grew up in a blended family unit, so they did not get to see their biological parents interact in a healthy way. Of those who grew up seeing their parents interact, some saw a lot of unhealthy behavior. So we really don't have a frame of reference for what a healthy marriage should look like. My role as a couples therapist is to show you how to create a healthy family dynamic, regardless of what you experienced as a child.
The wonderful thing about Christian marriage counseling in Houston is that we get to address your unique relationship struggles while keeping Jesus at the center of it all. We cannot ignore your spiritual health. Because marriage is a covenant that was created by God, it makes sense to include Him in the covenant as we try to make things better. As a Christian marriage therapist, I understand the biblical perspective on marriage and it is my job to ensure that we honor that while thinking about your needs and the needs of your spouse.
Now before you run to the Internet and find just any therapist to help you with your marriage, it is important to know that the single most important factor in the success of therapy is the fit between the therapist and the couple. Do not find a therapist who has the most education or experience, find a couples therapist who will be a great fit for you. Think about things such as religious background, age, gender, the therapist’s temperament and personality. All of these things, along with the therapist’s educational background and professional experience will make a therapist uniquely equipped to help you and your spouse. If your marriage therapist is a poor fit with you and your spouse, it just will not work it's a simple as that.
Key Questions to Ask a Marriage Therapist Before Starting Counseling
What’s your license and background?
Before you begin marriage therapy in Houston, it is important that you do your research. Let's start with qualifications. In the state of Texas, and pretty much every state in the United States of America, a marriage and family therapist should have a minimum of a master’s degree, followed by a license in whatever state that they practice in. So before you actually see your therapist, I would advise that you look his or her name up on the state board’s website to ensure that their license is in good standing. It won't hurt. For the state of Texas, the Behavioral Health Executive Council is the board that governs marriage and family therapists. In California, the Board of Behavioral Sciences oversees marriage and family therapists.
What is your therapy style? What methods do you use?
Ask what her therapy style looks like. Ask her how she can help you work through conflict resolution and emotional connection. Keep in mind that there are many different therapy styles, and I don't necessarily think one is necessarily better than the other, but I am partial to the Gottman Method. Because it involves practical tools and skills to help you actually get to the root cause of the problem- so you stop experiencing the same issues over and over again.
In the Gottman method, there are lots of assessments that you have to take before you actually dive into the nitty-gritty of marriage therapy, so we are actually uprooting the problem so that we can rebuild the house. My job is to teach you how the problem began, what each person's role was in creating the problem, and then figure out how to solve or manage the problem.
How often do you see clients?
Married couples typically want to know how long marriage therapy will take. My answer is the same – it depends on you. If both of you are willing to roll up your sleeves and do the work, you will see the results a lot faster and marriage therapy will be short. But if there is push back from one or both partners, then you will not reach your goal quickly. You could ask if sessions will be weekly, biweekly, etc.
How do you manage infidelity and abuse?
If there are deeper issues of abuse and infidelity, it will be important to also ask the couples therapist what her approach will be in resolving that. I have zero tolerance for abuse and infidelity. Because in my opinion, an abusive partner does not take responsibility and I cannot guarantee the safety of the other person. In issues of infidelity, if your loyalty is divided, you do not have what it takes to put all of your effort into the marriage. So couples therapy within that will be a waste.
How much do sessions cost?
Of course it's important to know how much sessions will be so that you can include marriage therapy as part of your monthly budget.
Will my culture be honored?
When you have a conversation with a prospective marriage therapist, make sure you do not ignore issues of cultural background. Because if a therapist really does understand your culture, it plays a large role in how you view your partner and yourself. Ensure that you do not pick a therapist who tries to turn you into a mini version of themselves. Pick a therapist who understands your perspective and is willing to help support your culture rather than turn against you.
The Role of Faith in Christian Marriage Counseling: What to Expect
Our faith typically guides our values, and our values determine the way we think and behave. So when we keep your faith in the center of marriage counseling, it can help to guide the way marriage therapy goes. When we are able to pull scriptures and discuss values, this can help guide your relationship towards deeper intimacy. Because both of you will be able to realize that you do have something in common. When most marriages are in crisis, we feel like we are like two ships passing in the night or like enemies. But faith gives us common ground. And common ground is the greatest path to deeper intimacy. We can both agree about issues of faith.
The benefits of Christian marriage counseling in Houston is it helps you navigate your challenges with grace. While I am not a pastor, it is not my job to indoctrinate you. My style of Christian marriage counseling is simply introducing scriptures that help you connect back to your professed values. And so if you are dealing with different issues, my job is to bring in scriptures that can help guide you and the Holy Spirit can convict the both of you to give you more guidance on the direction to go. While I use very practical worksheets and tools to help you when I am not there with you, the Bible is also a great tool to help remind you of who you are so that you act according to who you have been called to be. Issues of faith will also help with forgiveness, kindness, love and other virtues that help guide a healthy marriage.
What is your Christian background?
And while you and I may not even be of the same Christian denomination, we can both agree that we believe in Jesus and the fruit of the Spirit. Healthy Christian marriages are guided by the fruit of the Spirit. And knowing that you share common ground with your marriage therapist can also help provide support in emotional healing. Imagine how difficult it will be to work with a therapist whom you have the first explain your beliefs to, as opposed to having a sure understanding already. This is why cultural competency is important when you choose a therapist. You may ask your therapist what her faith background is and what herr understanding of Christianity is. That way you know that your values are similar.
How to Know If a Therapist is Right for Your Marriage
If your values do not align with the values of your therapist, things will not work out. Simple things like the role of a husband and a wife, how a couple should treat one another, and expectations within a family system have to be guaranteed. It will feel as if you have to constantly explain yourself or do a lot of educating. You might also feel judged during your session, which will get in the way of your progress.
To take it further, a Black therapist in Houston will understand your unique perspectives. There will be no need for code switching, explaining your cultural background or discussing little nuances. Although you are an individual, and all Black people aren’t the same, there is something to be said for working with a marriage therapist who just gets you. Asking your prospective therapist the right questions helps ensure that your therapist’s approach can fit your specific needs.
Finding the Right Support: Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston for Your Unique Needs
One piece of advice that I often give to prospective clients is to look at marriage therapy as an investment in your future. If you are looking for a therapist, chances are you have tried every resource that is available to you- books, podcasts, advice from friends, etc. And those things haven’t worked. So maybe the logical next step is to work with an individual who can help you get past the hump.
Christian marriage counseling is a great tool to help you address both your emotional and spiritual needs. It’s a great platform to heal past wounds, learn more about yourself and your spouse, and finally gain the skills to maintain healthy friendship, intimacy and communication in your marriage. Instead of running round in circles, feeling frustrated and watching your marriage get worse, it’s time to accept help.
Looking for a marriage therapist in Houston who truly understands your needs and can give you the right support? Schedule a free 15-minute consult for Christian marriage counseling in Houston with a trusted Black therapist in Houston today.
About Me
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are: