You Don’t Have to Carry It All: Releasing the Emotional Load You Were Never Meant to Hold
The Emotional Weight Highly Sensitive Women Entrepreneurs Carry
As a highly sensitive woman, people around you probably view you as strong, empathetic and capable. You are the go to for people at home and at work. They know that if they ask you to complete tasks, you will not only complete it, but it will be completed ahead of schedule, without mistakes and excellently at that. And because of this, you pride yourself in being a woman of excellence. You know that no one has to repeat instructions given to you. You even get excited when people marvel at how well you complete projects, how good you are with time management and how you’re able to juggle so many responsibilities without complaints.
But now let’s talk about the downside of excellence. You have gained a reputation for being so good a what you do, that you slowly became a people pleaser. Even in the moments when you know that the project is too much for you, you decide to take it on alone because you want to keep people happy. Because the expectations of others have grown too big for your shoulders, you have also developed a level of worry and anxiety. You’re trying desperately to maintain your reputation of the woman who does all things well. You also have started to work so much harder than most people. While you have increased in skill, the problem with this is you find yourself unnecessarily exhausted, you’re beginning to be resentful of others, and in all honesty, you’re enabling others to be lazy.
You find yourself breaking your back. Your new motto is- “I can keep going as long as everyone else is okay.” But are you okay? Do you enjoy sitting in burnout? Do you enjoy not using your voice? Although the people around you are pleased with your performance, you are tired. They applaud you, they smile at you, but they really don’t even know how burdensome life has become for you.
Chronic fatigue has set in. You struggle to sleep at night, because you are burning the candle at both ends. You can’t sleep peacefully because you are always worried about your immense workload. Or sometimes rather than rest, you bring work home. You wonder why your team won’t jump in or volunteer themselves for the job. And now you are completely annoyed and bitter. As a therapist for entrepreneurs in Houston. I see this all the time. You have become someone you are not proud of. You’re tired, you cry sometimes, you’re overwhelmed and you feel stuck.
Come to Me and Rest: Jesus’ Invitation to Lay Down the Load
Even though you currently feel stuck, know that you’re not actually stuck. There is always a way out. It is possible to work with excellence, without engaging in hustle culture. Hustle culture tells you “Sleep when you’re dead.” But the way of hardwork says “Do everything with excellence, be assertive and take care of yourself.” Notice that all three things can exist at the same time. Jesus knew we would have moments and seasons of tiredness, so He said:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).”
As a Christian therapist in Houston, I know very well that our behavior usually starts with the thoughts we have. One follows the other. The first step in laying your burdens down is to to identify what you burdens are. Get out a pen and a paper, take a deep breath, and begin to write out what your burdens are. Are they at home? At work? With your kids? In your marriage? With your family? About your health? Your self esteem? Are you doing too much? Too busy?
-What emotions are drowning you? It could be shame, anger, resentment, bitterness, overwhelm, depression or even anxiety. Write it all down. Because sometimes you are carrying something that God never asked you to.
-The next step is to repent for moving into a path that you were not asked to.
-Then step 3 is to ask God for clarity so you can begin to lay those burdens down.
Here is a simple prompt for you as you start on your journey to working hard without hustle and overwhelm. The first is an affirmation:
Today I choose myself. I choose my health. I choose wisdom and I lay down [insert burdens here].
I will speak up when I am overworked. I will rest when I am tired. I will assert myself when I am being stepped on. I will ask God for clarity before taking on another task. I put down the desire to be perfect or to please others. I desire to please God alone.
Trauma, Anxiety, and Over-Responsibility
If you have found yourself in the constant cycle of working harder than you should, do not be too hard on yourself. As a trauma therapist in Houston, I have seen time and time again that one’s behavior might be rooted in your upbringing and past experiences. You had so many difficult things happen to you that you are constantly on edge. You wish to stay under the radar so that you remain out of the crosshairs. You blame yourself for little mistakes on the job or at home, because that’s how it was when you were younger. You were expected to perform at a high level, you were never good enough and your opinions were not even considered.
And now you experience anxiety in every aspect of your life. Even though you are excellent at your job, you secretly worry that you’lll get fired or lose it all. You make a great living, but there is still fear that something will go wrong. As a mom, you are constantly doubting yourself and wondering if you’re failing. With your friendships, you only open up so much, because you have been hurt so much and expect that it’ll happen again.
Please know that you are not weak and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just that you have been in survival mode. You stay on edge thinking that something bad will happen. But the great thing is that survival mode can be overcome. Even survival mode in highly sensitive women can be changed.
Emotional Release Is Important: Crying, Journaling, and Letting Go
I know that you have always had to hold it together for everyone around you. You are the go to- the woman with the strong shoulders. But it is time for you to move from survival mode to thriving mode. Let's first start by allowing yourself to actually express your emotions. Afteall, you are a highly sensitive woman who has deep emotions. And as a Christian therapist in Houston, I strongly believe that emotions are healthy and natural, as long as we utilize them well. I know that when you were growing up, nobody cared to listen to what you had to say. And when you finally were given a chance to express yourself, you were met with comments like "You're too sensitive,” “You cry too much,” Or “Why are you so upset?" But it is time to actually allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that you possess.
I'm not talking about being completely controlled by emotions. Of course you will continue to be a rational woman. But it is time to learn how to balance your rational mind with your emotional mind. Emotional expression is healthy and normal. Good emotional expression actually helps you tap into what you need, so that you can actually move to the stage in which you can talk to people about what you need. Emotional expression is also cathartic. The emotion moves from sitting heavily on your chest to moving out of your body. It is like laying down a heavy burden. By allowing yourself to express yourself emotionally, you actually begin to heal past wounds.
Some ways to begin to allow for emotional expression:
Learn to sit quietly alone and journal. If you’re not used to writing, then just meditate on a scripture that speaks about your current situation.
Write everything that that scripture is speaking to you. Don't force it, let it just flow naturally.
Then ask yourself how the situation or the scripture ties into what you need in this season. Ask yourself who can provide what it is that you need then begin to come up with a way to ask the person for what you need. Ensure that this is someone who can actually receive what it is that you have to say, not someone who is selfish or looking to trample you.
There also is some great merit in seeking emotional expression through therapy. I'm a Black therapist in Houston who is also a Christian therapist in Houston and I love working at the intersection of culture and faith. Doing a therapy session, this is a great time to release emotionally. You may speak, you may be silent, you may cry, you may complain, you may vent, but you will eventually get to a place where you begin to heal past wounds and resolve problems. You will learn how to give yourself what you need, be compassionate with yourself, but understand yourself, and finally be able to assert yourself in a gentle but clear way so that other people can have a better understanding of your emotional needs.
What Therapy for Christian Entrepreneurs Can Do
(Keywords: Christian therapist Houston, therapy for entrepreneurs)
Perhaps you have thought about going to therapy, but you wonder if it is worth the time and investment. You also know that your relationship with Christ is the most important thing in your life, and you wonder if Christian therapy even exists. You've heard a lot of stories about therapy and you just don't know if it is for you. But give it a try. Because therapy is not just healing, it is a way to strategically care for your soul. Because your soul is made up of your mind your will and your emotions.
In the process of therapy, your strength is renewed, you gain a great sense of clarity, you begin to understand how certain traumas have negatively affected you, you start to lay difficult burdens down and step into who the Lord actually wants you to become. Therapy can help you with better decision making both at home and in your business. You become more grounded and less controlled by emotions.
But I would not advise that you do therapy with just anyone. It is important to pick a Christian therapist in Houston who understands that engaging in therapy with someone who understands both your Christian faith and business can be transformative. Because you can only take your business as far as your emotional level.
You were never meant to carry everything alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unseen, I’m here. I offer Christian therapy in Houston for highly sensitive, high-achieving women, so that they can trade anxiety for rest. Book a free consult for Christian therapy in Houston now and let’s lighten the load together.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Many of my clients are: