Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA &amp; TX

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/19/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/19/25

You Deserve Friends Who Pour Back Into You: A Guide for Isolated Women Entrepreneurs

Feeling isolated as a woman entrepreneur? You don’t have to do it all alone. My blog shares how to build friendships that nourish, uplift, and support you in return. Read now to discover why you deserve relationships that pour back into you.

Why So Many Brilliant Women Feel Alone

As a Black therapist in Houston who often sits before entrepreneurs, I know that many of the people who come to me are strong women who know how to do A LOT.

But because you know how to do a lot, does not mean that you should be doing a lot all of the time. When you are the backbone of your household, your family and/or your friend group, it can feel good. Because you feel needed, you feel intelligent and you feel competent. But the problem with being the go to, is that it can quickly lead to emotional isolation. Everyone dumps all of the things on you and expects you to pick up the pieces. Because of your strength, care and capability, people forget to check up on you. They just assume you’re fine. And because your reputation is one of a fixer and caretaker, you stop reaching out to people in vulnerability.

Maybe you’ve experienced trauma in your past. And that trauma taught you to put up your defenses. Because you’ve decided that you never want to be hurt again. So you make sure you have the upper hand in all areas. You’ve learned how to do so many things and you’re truly independent. But it has led you to one sided relationships in which you are the all knowing one. You are the one who pours into them, and they don’t have much to offer you. Even though you know you are safe- they can’t hurt you. But you feel burdened, bitter and lonely.

When was the last time you felt truly seen? When was the last time you felt safe enough to open up your heart to someone? To cry in the presence of someone? To say that you were not okay, rather than faking it and taking on the role of the strong one? I just know that your highly sensitive heart is wanting to be able to share your depth with others.

When was the last time you felt truly seen?

God’s Plan for Friendship and Community

Reflect on this scripture for a moment: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.“ Ecclesiastes 4:9–10.

It speaks to what friendship is supposed to look like. Friendship is supposed to be a balance of give and take. There is no reason why you should carry everybody's burdens, but have nobody to carry your burdens with you. A friendship should feel good and light to everyone involved. Because it is important to know that God desires you to have a soul nourishing connection with others. When we think about the relationship between God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, we see that they are in sync with one another and they are in perfect unity. No one is carrying a heavier load than the other, rather they are doing the work together. With one mind.

Now of course we are human, so our friendships will not be perfect, but this is a great model to know that God wants you to be able to walk with others. Your friends should pour into you just like you pour into them. A good friend is someone you can go to with your joys, your cares, your fears and your weaknesses. They help build you up, they make you laugh, they are honest with you, but there is no judgment. They wan to see you shine as much as they want to shine themselves. They don’t suck the life out of you. And as a Christian therapist in Houston, I very much love helping highly sensitive women figure out how to navigate their friendships as adults so they can be nourishing and mutually beneficial.

Redefining Friendship: What to Look For

If you are in the market for a better friend, or you look around and find that you do not have friends that are trustworthy, here is a comparison between what a healthy friendship is versus a toxic friendship. In a toxic friendship, it feels like a competition. Your friend wants to outshine and outdo you. They do not think about your needs before they just offload on you. Sometimes they might laugh at you or even do things to demean or sabotage you. When you set a boundary with them, they act like they have heard or understood the boundary but they do not necessarily respect said boundaries. They constantly do things to get on your nerves and trigger you, even after you have communicated your dislikes. Unhealthy friendships feel like an energy suck and you constantly feel like you're being disrespected.

But healthy friendships are just the opposite. Even though you might have disagreements with healthy friends, they're usually willing to listen to your point of view and ensure that both parties are heard. They are mature in their behavior towards you and they're never trying to outdo you. They understand that there will be seasons in which you will shine brighter than them, and they will be able to give you the loudest applause even though it might not be their season to shine. They care about your feelings and the level of bandwidth that you have in each season. Life is not only about them. They know that there's enough room for both you and them to do well.

Healthy relationships can come in different arenas of your life. You can have healthy relationships at church, you can have healthy relationships with your friendships, and you can also have healthy business partnerships.

With church, they do not have you serve until you have nothing left in you. They understand that you have a life outside of the body of Christ and they're willing to also serve you as well. They know that your input is important and they're willing to hear you out. If they ever need to call you out or correct you, it is done in love rather then to embarrass you.

With business relationships and partnerships, they understand that both of you have a common goal. They're willing to listen to your point of view rather than going behind your back to implement things that you said you did not want. They always think of the common good before themselves. And when there are disagreements, they are willing to work with you to find a mutually acceptable solution. Compromise is important.

Safe Vulnerability: Letting Yourself Be Known

Sometimes you might unknowingly block new friendships from coming into your life because you’ve been told that you’re “too much” or “too needy.” As a highly sensitive person with deep empathy, who also experiences emotions deeply, perhaps when you were growing up, your emotions were not celebrated. And so you learned to mask them, to stop crying, to stop telling people when you were hurt, and you built an armor to become the strong woman that everyone knows today.

But know that it is normal to crave deep, meaningful friendships, as well as conversations that go beyond small talk and chit chat. Start with small, safe steps. Not everyone has to know the details of your life. But if you can trust someone with small things, they can probably be trusted with larger things. Start with sharing something that’s just a little bit deep to see hw they react. See what they do with the information. Is she empathetic? Does she judge you? does she bring other people into the conversation? Know that a gossip is a gossip everywhere. Meaning, if your friend is talking bad about others behind their backs, she is doing the same about you.

Was you throw small breadcrumbs, you will now when it’s time to go even deeper.

How Therapy Helps You Attract Healthier Connections

As you begin to heal from past struggles and the difficulties that you have experienced in past friendships, you will find that you will be more likely to be able to trust new friends that come into your life. As you build friendships, remember that you are not desperate. You're not in a hurry. Even though you feel lonely, you have to take your time before you can find out who actually deserves to be in your life. Take your time to figure out who these new people are in your life, take your time to determine whether or not you want them to be in your life, and remember that friendship involves reciprocal connection.

You deserve friendships that pour back into you. If you’re tired of doing life alone, therapy may be the path toward safe, healing connection. As a Christian therapist in Houston, I walk with women just like you. Book a free consult for therapy in Houston today.

About

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/12/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/12/25

You Don’t Have to Carry It All: Releasing the Emotional Load You Were Never Meant to Hold

Feeling weighed down by responsibilities and emotions that aren’t yours to carry? My blog offers gentle, faith-informed guidance to help you release the emotional load, find rest, and embrace support. Read now to start letting go and reclaim your peace.

The Emotional Weight Highly Sensitive Women Entrepreneurs Carry

As a highly sensitive woman, people around you probably view you as strong, empathetic and capable. You are the go to for people at home and at work. They know that if they ask you to complete tasks, you will not only complete it, but it will be completed ahead of schedule, without mistakes and excellently at that. And because of this, you pride yourself in being a woman of excellence. You know that no one has to repeat instructions given to you. You even get excited when people marvel at how well you complete projects, how good you are with time management and how you’re able to juggle so many responsibilities without complaints.

But now let’s talk about the downside of excellence. You have gained a reputation for being so good a what you do, that you slowly became a people pleaser. Even in the moments when you know that the project is too much for you, you decide to take it on alone because you want to keep people happy. Because the expectations of others have grown too big for your shoulders, you have also developed a level of worry and anxiety. You’re trying desperately to maintain your reputation of the woman who does all things well. You also have started to work so much harder than most people. While you have increased in skill, the problem with this is you find yourself unnecessarily exhausted, you’re beginning to be resentful of others, and in all honesty, you’re enabling others to be lazy.

You find yourself breaking your back. Your new motto is- “I can keep going as long as everyone else is okay.” But are you okay? Do you enjoy sitting in burnout? Do you enjoy not using your voice? Although the people around you are pleased with your performance, you are tired. They applaud you, they smile at you, but they really don’t even know how burdensome life has become for you.

Chronic fatigue has set in. You struggle to sleep at night, because you are burning the candle at both ends. You can’t sleep peacefully because you are always worried about your immense workload. Or sometimes rather than rest, you bring work home. You wonder why your team won’t jump in or volunteer themselves for the job. And now you are completely annoyed and bitter. As a therapist for entrepreneurs in Houston. I see this all the time. You have become someone you are not proud of. You’re tired, you cry sometimes, you’re overwhelmed and you feel stuck.

Come to Me and Rest: Jesus’ Invitation to Lay Down the Load

Even though you currently feel stuck, know that you’re not actually stuck. There is always a way out. It is possible to work with excellence, without engaging in hustle culture. Hustle culture tells you “Sleep when you’re dead.” But the way of hardwork says “Do everything with excellence, be assertive and take care of yourself.” Notice that all three things can exist at the same time. Jesus knew we would have moments and seasons of tiredness, so He said:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).”

As a Christian therapist in Houston, I know very well that our behavior usually starts with the thoughts we have. One follows the other. The first step in laying your burdens down is to to identify what you burdens are. Get out a pen and a paper, take a deep breath, and begin to write out what your burdens are. Are they at home? At work? With your kids? In your marriage? With your family? About your health? Your self esteem? Are you doing too much? Too busy?

-What emotions are drowning you? It could be shame, anger, resentment, bitterness, overwhelm, depression or even anxiety. Write it all down. Because sometimes you are carrying something that God never asked you to.

-The next step is to repent for moving into a path that you were not asked to.

-Then step 3 is to ask God for clarity so you can begin to lay those burdens down.

Here is a simple prompt for you as you start on your journey to working hard without hustle and overwhelm. The first is an affirmation:

Today I choose myself. I choose my health. I choose wisdom and I lay down [insert burdens here].

I will speak up when I am overworked. I will rest when I am tired. I will assert myself when I am being stepped on. I will ask God for clarity before taking on another task. I put down the desire to be perfect or to please others. I desire to please God alone.

Trauma, Anxiety, and Over-Responsibility

If you have found yourself in the constant cycle of working harder than you should, do not be too hard on yourself. As a trauma therapist in Houston, I have seen time and time again that one’s behavior might be rooted in your upbringing and past experiences. You had so many difficult things happen to you that you are constantly on edge. You wish to stay under the radar so that you remain out of the crosshairs. You blame yourself for little mistakes on the job or at home, because that’s how it was when you were younger. You were expected to perform at a high level, you were never good enough and your opinions were not even considered.

And now you experience anxiety in every aspect of your life. Even though you are excellent at your job, you secretly worry that you’lll get fired or lose it all. You make a great living, but there is still fear that something will go wrong. As a mom, you are constantly doubting yourself and wondering if you’re failing. With your friendships, you only open up so much, because you have been hurt so much and expect that it’ll happen again.

Please know that you are not weak and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just that you have been in survival mode. You stay on edge thinking that something bad will happen. But the great thing is that survival mode can be overcome. Even survival mode in highly sensitive women can be changed.

Emotional Release Is Important: Crying, Journaling, and Letting Go

I know that you have always had to hold it together for everyone around you. You are the go to- the woman with the strong shoulders. But it is time for you to move from survival mode to thriving mode. Let's first start by allowing yourself to actually express your emotions. Afteall, you are a highly sensitive woman who has deep emotions. And as a Christian therapist in Houston, I strongly believe that emotions are healthy and natural, as long as we utilize them well. I know that when you were growing up, nobody cared to listen to what you had to say. And when you finally were given a chance to express yourself, you were met with comments like "You're too sensitive,” “You cry too much,” Or “Why are you so upset?" But it is time to actually allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that you possess.

I'm not talking about being completely controlled by emotions. Of course you will continue to be a rational woman. But it is time to learn how to balance your rational mind with your emotional mind. Emotional expression is healthy and normal. Good emotional expression actually helps you tap into what you need, so that you can actually move to the stage in which you can talk to people about what you need. Emotional expression is also cathartic. The emotion moves from sitting heavily on your chest to moving out of your body. It is like laying down a heavy burden. By allowing yourself to express yourself emotionally, you actually begin to heal past wounds.

Some ways to begin to allow for emotional expression:

Learn to sit quietly alone and journal. If you’re not used to writing, then just meditate on a scripture that speaks about your current situation.
Write everything that that scripture is speaking to you. Don't force it, let it just flow naturally.
Then ask yourself how the situation or the scripture ties into what you need in this season. Ask yourself who can provide what it is that you need then begin to come up with a way to ask the person for what you need. Ensure that this is someone who can actually receive what it is that you have to say, not someone who is selfish or looking to trample you.
There also is some great merit in seeking emotional expression through therapy. I'm a Black therapist in Houston who is also a Christian therapist in Houston and I love working at the intersection of culture and faith. Doing a therapy session, this is a great time to release emotionally. You may speak, you may be silent, you may cry, you may complain, you may vent, but you will eventually get to a place where you begin to heal past wounds and resolve problems. You will learn how to give yourself what you need, be compassionate with yourself, but understand yourself, and finally be able to assert yourself in a gentle but clear way so that other people can have a better understanding of your emotional needs.

What Therapy for Christian Entrepreneurs Can Do

(Keywords: Christian therapist Houston, therapy for entrepreneurs)

Perhaps you have thought about going to therapy, but you wonder if it is worth the time and investment. You also know that your relationship with Christ is the most important thing in your life, and you wonder if Christian therapy even exists. You've heard a lot of stories about therapy and you just don't know if it is for you. But give it a try. Because therapy is not just healing, it is a way to strategically care for your soul. Because your soul is made up of your mind your will and your emotions.

In the process of therapy, your strength is renewed, you gain a great sense of clarity, you begin to understand how certain traumas have negatively affected you, you start to lay difficult burdens down and step into who the Lord actually wants you to become. Therapy can help you with better decision making both at home and in your business. You become more grounded and less controlled by emotions.

But I would not advise that you do therapy with just anyone. It is important to pick a Christian therapist in Houston who understands that engaging in therapy with someone who understands both your Christian faith and business can be transformative. Because you can only take your business as far as your emotional level.

You were never meant to carry everything alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unseen, I’m here. I offer Christian therapy in Houston for highly sensitive, high-achieving women, so that they can trade anxiety for rest. Book a free consult for Christian therapy in Houston now and let’s lighten the load together.

About

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/5/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 8/5/25

When You’re the Strong One: How to Speak Up Without Feeling Guilty

Being the strong one often means putting others first, but it's essential to speak up without guilt. My blog explores how to honor your needs, set healthy boundaries, and advocate for yourself—so you can stay strong for others without sacrificing your own well-being.

Why Highly Sensitive Women in Houston Struggle to Speak Up

As a licensed marriage and family therapist in Houston, one of my favorite groups of people to work with is highly sensitive women. Because they are few and far between, they’re highly overworked, they struggle to understand themselves, but they put so much time and energy into pouring into others. I enjoy helping highly sensitive women better understand their traits, come to acceptance of who they are and use their gifts to serve people in a healthier way.

Because the life of burnout is not the life that God intended for you and for me. I find that most highly sensitive women who come to me for therapy typically are the go to everywhere they are. Because they are high performing, they pay attention to detail and they have deep amounts of empathy, people generally see them as the one that can be looked up to for everything.

Because many highly sensitive women love people, they take on this helper role full force. Even in the workplace, they tend to go above and beyond, sometimes ending up in burnout. Burn out typically starts off when you're someone who loves others, others know that you are capable, so they come to you for everything. But because you have a fear of disappointing them, you fail to set boundaries and say "No." And so the work and responsibilities keep piling up higher and higher until you feel like your shoulders are breaking. Because you are silent, nobody actually knows what you're experiencing, and they keep piling the work on. It is an exhausting cycle.

And sometimes, societal, cultural and church messaging have actually reinforced silence. Because you are often praised for how much you are able to accomplish, you are called to volunteer over and over again without anybody actually asking if the load is too much. Because you are the one who checks up on others, you are seldom checked up on. So your drowning is actually celebrated rather than helped. It becomes “Wow, I can’t believe you can accomplish so much,” rather than, “Can I take some things off your plate?’ This is why I offer therapy for entrepreneurs in Houston. Because it’s important to be able to chase your dreams while setting healthy boundaries.

If you find yourself thinking “I want to speak up, but I don't want to hurt anyone." Then you are in great company. Consirr the scripture: Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” — Galatians 1:10. This should be your benchmark when you are trying to set boundaries. It is okay if some people are upset by your boundaries, as long as you are not upsetting God. And yes, as a Christian therapist in Houston, I love helping set women free from the burden of carrying everyone on their shoulders when they don’t have to.

Guilt vs. Grace: What the Bible Says About Setting Boundaries

Please remember that as a highly sensitive Christian woman, you're not called to guilt, rather you are called to grace. A good benchmark that you can have when trying to figure out whether to accept an assignment or not, is to seek God's approval first. People pleasing can be a real thing when you're a highly sensitive woman. You feel extremely uncomfortable when people are unhappy with you or when negative comments are made about you. You want to prove to others that you are a good person. But remember that a drowning woman who is well liked by others is not the goal. Your goal when you go through Christian therapy in Houston is to become someone who is loved by God, approved by God and is also taking care of yourself.

In order to be an effective woman who takes care of others without burnout, you should walk in wisdom and protect your heart. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.“ What use is it if you are serving everyone, completing projects, getting the applause, but because you are overworked and overwhelmed, your heart actually becomes bitter, grieved or resentful? Then all the work you would have done would be the result of lip service.

Think of healthy boundary setting as an act of love for yourself and others. With appropriate boundaries you teach others how to love you, how to think about your best interests and how to actually complete tasks themselves. You stop your role as the enabler, and teach them to pause and think before asking you for help. You also learn how to stand up for yourself, how to get your needs met and how to truly rest when you need to.

A simple way to begin your journey of boundary setting is to give yourself 48 hours before responding to a request. Sleep on it (So that you’re not responding based on a temporary emotions), pray on it (So you receive clarity and boldness to respond appropriately), ask yourself if you actually have the desire and/or the bandwidth to take on an extra task. Just because you can do something does not mean you should.

And if you decide to turn the request down, here’s a simple sentence you can respond with:

“I am unable to fulfill your request at this time.” Simple and straightforward.

Repeat after me: I deserve to be taken care of just like everyone else. I deserve love, attention and rest. The world will not crumble if I decline a request.

Healing the Root: How Trauma Shapes People-Pleasing Patterns

As a trauma therapist for women in Houston, I know how impactful our adverse childhood experiences can be on the way we do life as adults. If you grew up in an environment in which you were not allowed to make decisions that were in your best interest, you might end up as an adult who cowers down to others. Or if you were raised to believe that thinking about needs was selfish, you could end up as a woman who caters to everyone without thinking about what you would need for yourself.

For some women, you might even accept the thoughts and negative ways of others just to avoid conflict. Perhaps you come from a high conflict family in which a dissenting opinion leads to an argument or some sort of scary backlash. Even though you are no longer in that situation, it has made such an impression on you that you are desperately trying to avoid being talked down to, looked down upon or being embroiled in conflict.

As a trauma therapist in Houston, I would love you to please note that conflict avoidance isn’t encoded into your DNA. Rather, it is simply a survival mechanism you took on in order to keep yourself safe. You’re essentially a survivalist. You got tired of being yelled at, getting in trouble and defending yourself, so you decided to take the path of least resistance which is to just accommodate others and avoid conflict.

When I engage in therapy for highly sensitive women, I help them understand that their upbringing and experiences have shaped them into who they are today. Being scared is probably not your nature. You do not run away by nature. These were brought on by your environment. This means that you can learn how to assertively, but kindly ask fo what you need. It starts by rewriting some of your childhood experiences and reframing them according to what actually happened. For example, if you view yourself as a scared person who cannot speak up, we can dig into the roots of how you came to be this way. We can focus on times in your childhood when you actually did speak up, but were punished or chastised for this. You learn that we can actually reset you to who you really are. This is a very simplistic example, but you get the point. We rewrite the story more objectively than how you remember it to be.

Practical Phrases to Assert Yourself Without Apologizing

Now that you know that standing up for yourself is an option, we can start crafting gentle but bold statements that will help you stand up for yourself. Let’s start with a few scenarios. As a Christian therapist in Houston, kindness is an important value that most of my clients want to uphold.

Scenario 1: Your family members always come to you to settle a dispute with someone else who is not in the room with you. They typically will call you without informing the other person, because they expect you to take their side.

What to say: “Thank you for informing me about your disagreement with [person x], in order to resolve this dispute, may I add her to our call right now so we may get a resolution?”

The person will either say “Yes” and then you play the middle man. But most likely, she will say “No.” If she tries this again, you give the same response. In no time, she’ll stop roping you into her disputes.

Scenario 2: This scenario is great for my entrepreneurs (Check out therapy for entrepreneurs in Houston). You notice that because you’re such an efficient worker, your coworkers have been dumping work on you. It’s gone on for months and you’ve been unable to stand up for yourself. But today, you decided to reset your mind and shake off the unwanted burden.

What to say: “Hi Sarah, I notice that you volunteered me for that new project. I wanted to inform you that I will be unable to take it on due to my workload. I however do trust that you will be a great candidate for the job. I believe in you.

This is subtle, to the point and does not leave room for an argument.

Before using the above statements, you might want to pump yourself up with a positive affirmation, deep breathing or grounding. Please know that you can still be kind and clear while being assertive. Assertiveness is not the opposite of kindness.

Assertiveness as a Spiritual Discipline

One of my favorite things about Jesus is that He Wass compassionate AND he had amazing boundaries. There were times when he was found napping in the boat- even though the wind was raging. He knew He needed His rest, so He didn't even let the storm bother him. That is a boundary.

There were also times when Jesus retreated from the crowds, or when He went somewhere with just 3 disciples, rather than taking all the 12. Do you think the other 9 disciples felt weird that they weren't invited? I have no clue, But what I do know is that He held tightly to His boundary anyway.

Spiritual maturity looks like telling the truth in love. Now, as a Christian therapist in Houston, I do not believe in cutting people down, gossiping or lying to them. But when the truth is seasoned with love, it goes down a lot better. Ephesians 4:15 says “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.“ Speaking up isn’t just about personal wmpoermwnt, it is also a sign of spiritual growth. That we don’t sweep things under the rug. We expose them so that we and others can actually learn.

Feeling worn down from always being the “strong one” who carries the weight alone? As a Christian therapist in Houston, I help highly sensitive women speak up with clarity and peace. Let’s explore therapy designed for your brilliant, tender spirit. Book a free consult for therapy for highly sensitive women in Houston today.

About

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 1/28/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 1/28/25

How to Manage Overwhelm: Strategies for Highly Sensitive People

Feeling overwhelmed as a highly sensitive person? This blog offers practical strategies to help you manage stress and thrive in personal relationships. Learn tips to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and stay grounded during emotional challenges. Discover how trauma therapy in Houston and support from a Black therapist Houston can guide you toward balance and well-being.

Overwhelmed by Everyone’s Needs? How to Manage Relationship Stress as a Highly Sensitive Woman

As a highly sensitive person, because you are so in tune with the feelings of others and you care so much about what happens to people around you, you might find yourself constantly tending to their emotional needs. And when people feel the level of warmth and empathy that you bring to the table, they keep coming to you to continue to fill their emotional needs. And although this is a great way to connect with others, and you do enjoy helping people (because the skill comes so easily to you), the problem is you run the risk of pouring continuously into other people without getting your own emotional needs met.

And what happens overtime is that your emotional well dries out. The good thing is that there are many strategies that you can utilize to ensure that you continue to be a caring person, while getting your needs met.

Ask for what you need: Feel free to ask the people around you for your needs. If you need help, ask for it. Because if you keep pouring into others without receiving, you will be burned out.
Take a break: Even though you enjoy spending time helping others, note when you bandwidth is depleted and take a step back. You can’t serve people all the time.
Know your limit: You can’t be all things to all people all the time. Play to your strengths and let others do the rest, You can’t stretch yourself too thin.
Balance your hobbies with your responsibilities: Each week, spend some time looking at your calendar to ensure that you include some hobbies or at least some downtime. Actually put it in, or else it won’t happen.

If the above feels like too much, brainspotting therapy in Houston can help you get unstuck. It’s an effective way of helping you break away from difficult habits that have been stubborn to break.

How to Say ‘No’ Without Feeling Guilty: Boundaries for Highly Sensitive Overachievers

Because you are so in tune with the feelings of others, you might feel like a bad person when it is time to turn somebody away. After all, you might think “What is the harm in helping them? If I know I can help them, why can't I just do that every time they call me?” The problem with this is that if every time somebody called you for help, you actually run to them, you would be helping people all day, therefore leaving yourself drained.

It is even more difficult to set boundaries when you are a high-performing woman. Because a part of you is excited and feels fulfilled when you check those tasks off your to do list. Work is actually quite enjoyable to you. And because you're quite capable of helping other people emotionally, coupled with being so great at your job, you feel extremely guilty when you have to say no or turn somebody down. Here’s a blog I wrote on how to balance ambition and high sensitivity.

But when you constantly say “Yes,” you gain the reputation of the super responsible woman. People automatically run to you when there is a problem – even at work. And over time, you begin to resent those around you, because you wonder why all the competent people around you seem to outsource their problems and their work to you. It is because you have created a monster.

Before you say “Yes” to someone, give yourself a 24-hour window to think it through. Ask yourself if you have the bandwidth to be able to help them in this season. Think about all the other responsibilities you have. Will you be able to help them and carry out your responsibilities without burnout? Will helping them bring long-standing joy and peace for you? Just because you can help someone does not mean you should always jump in to help them.

Think about it this way: If you do not allow people to learn how to work through things, you rob them of the process of actually learning how to work through things. If you are involved in healthy work and personal relationships, then it is possible to say “No” sometimes without negative repercussions. You can prioritize your self-care without damaging your relationship.

This is where Brainspotting therapy comes in with my clients. Brainspotting therapy helps change long-standing habits that have held you back and made you feel stuck. Brainspotting targets the deeper layers of the brain so that these unhelpful habits can finally be broken. When we have broken the emotional hold, then saying “no” to prioritize your self-care becomes so much easier. And guess what? The guilt starts to go away.

Balance is Possible: How Highly Sensitive Women Can Juggle Career, Relationships, and Self-Care

As a high performing woman, it is important to accept that you will never be able to accomplish every single task that you have laid out for yourself. It’s not because you are lazy or incompetent, it is simply because your expectations for yourself are sometimes too high.

It is also important to remember that you cannot throw yourself so deep into work that you forget all your personal relationships. You can do both quite well- if you are able to put up good boundaries and prioritize your mental health. With Brainspotting therapy, you experience a world of emotional clarity so that it becomes so much easier to manage the dynamics of personal relationship versus your high-powered career.

To keep it simple, when you're looking at your weekly schedule, make sure there is actually time for you to rest, recharge and maybe connect with somebody outside of your work. If you are intentional about this on a weekly basis, it becomes a lot more difficult to be constantly drowning in work. Maybe you have some busy seasons at work where it’s all hands on deck, but when you're outside of busy season, be sure to calendar in time to actually spend with loved ones.

When you think about your work dynamics, are you carrying too heavy a load? Is there any wiggle room where you can either drop some responsibilities, outsource them or complete them at a later date? Remember that there are areas within your workspace that you have control over. Those are the areas in which you have to assert your influence and voice. Life does not just happen to you- you have a say in certain areas of your life. It’s the idea of accepting what you cannot change, but changing what you can,

When You Feel Everything: How to Keep Emotional Overload from Ruining Your Relationships

As a highly sensitive woman, you can feel like you absorb the emotions of others. But it’s not like you are actually absorbing their emotions. It’s that you notice tiny details that act like an alarm and alert you to how others are feeling. And this feels like you have actually absorbed their emotions. This can lead you to either run away from others- because you do not enjoy the feeling of constantly being tossed around by the emotions of others.

Or sometimes, you get overly involved in the emotional business of others because you want to fix and soothe them. Remember that is not necessarily your job to fix everyone. Sometimes others do not actually want your help. Sometimes they're fine with the way things are going. Sometimes they're coming to you simply to vent- not to fix. And if you do not have enough bandwidth to actually help somebody who is asking for your help, then what you will get is complete burn out, resentment and frustration. Know when you have the bandwidth to have deep conversations versus when you just want to keep things light. This will prevent you from emotional overload.

Also have at least one safe person in your life with whom you can share your emotional burdens. You are allowed to laugh wit them, cry with them, vent, and just be human. You can talk about the difficult things in your life, as well as the wins you are experiencing.

The Art of Unplugging: How to Step Away Without Feeling Disconnected from Loved Ones

One of the most important parts of being highly sensitive is having alone time and times when you minimize distractions. Even though you might live a very busy lifestyle and lots of people come to you for help, it is important that you have some non-negotiables around always being busy. As a high-performing woman, spending time by yourself gives you the opportunity to reflect on the work that you are doing and also recharge your energy so that you can continue to perform at a high level.

Unplugging does not mean that you completely ghost everyone. Unplugging simply means that you have specific times in your schedule when you can be by yourself. You can take yourself to lunch, you can sit at home and watch TV, or you can simply silence your phone so that you can do other things around the house. You can go on a relaxing vacation or you can decide that you will no longer be helping people during this season because your life is already feeling too full. It really is that simple. Some people like to set boundaries every single day by putting their phones on do not disturb from a certain hour in the evening until morning.

Are you constantly overwhelmed by the emotional demands of your relationships? As a trauma therapist in Houston specializing in brainspotting therapy, I help high-performing, highly sensitive women—including Black women—manage overwhelm and build healthier, more balanced relationships. Schedule a brainspotting therapy consult call in Houston today to start your journey toward emotional peace and deeper connections!

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia.

I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are: