Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA & TX
The Unique Challenges Black Women Face in Therapy (and How Counseling Helps)
Black women often face unique challenges in therapy, from cultural stigma to feeling misunderstood. MY blog explores how finding a safe, affirming space with a therapist who understands your experience can lead to deeper healing and empowerment. Read my full blog today.
Why Black Women Often Struggle to Find the Right Therapist in Houston
Many Black women face unique barriers when it comes to seeking therapy — from cultural misunderstandings to not finding a Black therapist in Houston who truly gets their world. Do I think that Black women should only work with Balck therpiaatss? Nope. But I know that Black women are seeking spaces where they can be safe, they can be themselves, they can be understood and they can heal without judgment or stereotypes.
Finding a therapist who is the right fit is already tough. You want someone who has the personal and professional experience to get to the root of the problem that brought you into therapy, But Black therapists only make up a small percentage of mental health professionals in the United States. We are few and far between. Sometimes as a Black woman, you might feel the pressure to educate non -Black therapists about your daily experiences. This is called emotional labor. You come in already feeling like you’re carrying you rhosuehold on your back. You’r looking for a place to lay down your burdens- only to carry the burden of educating a professional about every aspect of your story.
Don’t get me wrong. You will need to do some educating about your background and your circumstances if you work with a Black therapist, however it’s important to work with someone who gets it. If you know, you know!
A lack of cultural competence cab lead to misdiagnosis or minimization of your struggles. They might miss symptoms of depression, think you’re psychotic when you talk about spiritual experiences you’ve had or misunderstand the impact that racism, prejudice and other cultural issues play. A greta therapist will understand both the cultural context of your life, as well as your spiritual values.
The Pressure to Be Strong: Why Many Black Women Delay Counseling
In our community, Black women are often expected to carry the weight of strength — but a Black therapist in Houston can help you lay those burdens down without judgment. The strong Black woman stereotype is something we have to get rid of now. Because it takes a huge emotional toll on you. You feel like you have to be able to juggle all things. There is no room for you to cry, no room for you to air out your frustrations. You feel like the only roll you play is the woman who helps others. The woman who is hyper competent.
Other times, you are afraid that if you speak up, others will think that you are weak. or they might tell you to suck it off They might downplay your struggles or brush your experience off. They may even time to explain your felling away- “You’re not depressed, you’re just a bit blue.” “You’re tough so you can handle it.” “Crying is for weak people.” You feel like you should be able to carry everything that life throws at you on your own.
Faith is sometimes misused as a reason to avoid therapy. You might be told “Go pray about it.” “Don’t tell others your business.” “Your faith isn’t strong enough.'‘ Maybe you were led to believe that seeing a therapist is a sign that you don’t trust in God. I find it interesting that we are encouraged to see a professional when we have a physical challenge, but we are supposed to hide when we have an emotional challenge.
There is a lot of fear around theory because we don’t quite understand what therapists do. The assumption is that the theorist is going to make you lose your faith, rather than actually help you utilize scripture as a guide and a tool on the path to healing. Therapy is actually a sign of strength. To be able to push past the stigma that society has created around mental health, to be able to speak up for yourself, to be able to allow someone to support you. That is strength. the Bible says “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety” Proverbs 11:14. An actual therapist can be one of your counselors. Of course you must choose who you listen to wisely.
Faith, Culture, and Healing: How a Black Therapist in Houston Can Bridge the Gap
When your therapist understands both your cultural background and your faith, healing feels more complete — and that’s exactly what a Black therapist in Houston can offer.
What you might not know is that as a Christian therapist in Houston, I am able to integrate prayer, scripture and talk about your values during therapy. Yup! because I believe that your healing will not be compete if you excluded your spiritual life. The truth is all of us see the world and our situations through the lens of our faith. When we bring your faith to the forefront, it acts as a compass in your life.
Shared cultural understanding reduces the need for over-explaining. There are just some things that are a universal part of Black culture. You wouldn’t need to explain it to a therapist who is familiar with your culture. And in addition, there are some things that only a Christian would understand and don’t need explaining. Faith and therapy are partners, not opposites. Your faith informs your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Therapy acts as a guide to help you get back on track to where you want to be. Black Christian women in Houston deserve a therapist who honors both identity and belief.
How Counseling Helps Black Women Break Free from Silence and Isolation
Silence has been passed down for generations, and rightfully so when you think about the years of hardship and oppressions that have occurred. But counseling with a Black therapist in Houston can break the cycle and open the door to healing conversations. There is still stigma around mental health in some families and churches. We have been told not to air our dirty laundry in public. We also get nervous that we will get in trouble or judged if someone knows what we are going through. Sometimes we are told that our faith isn’t strong enough if we are going through mental health struggles.
But this silence keeps trauma, depression and anxiety going strong. Depression thrives in silence. And it is very hard to overcome trauma on our own. Therapy can be a safe place ro express what’s been unspoken. It is not fair to you to go around carrying both your burdens and the burdens of everyone else at the same time. You deserve to be taken care of, to be able to express your feelings and to thrive. Counseling provides coping strategies and space to process without fear of judgment.
You will learn actual practical tools to help you cope with the heavy weight that everyday struggles can bring. You will learn how to manage big emotions, and also how to integrate your faith into your everyday life. No longer do you have to be the strong woman who holds it all together. You will learn how to create a safe community of people who see you, set boundaries that’ll help people know what you need and when you need it, and be able to brainstorm problem solving options.
Finding Strength, Healing, and Hope with a Black Therapist in Houston
When you work with a Black therapist in Houston who understands your culture, faith, and story, therapy becomes more than a service — it becomes a pathway to freedom. Therapy helps Black women reclaim their voices and build healthy boundaries. You can finally decide what burdens you want to carry, and which ones to let go of. You can stand up for yourself in a kind, assertive way- even when others around you don’t understand why you need boundaries. Boundaries are a way to protect yourself from the overwhelm of life and give yourself some margin.
Christian therapy in Houston strengthens resilience while honoring spirituality. We all do have to bear some weight in this life, but you don’t have to bear it alone. You can also keep your Christian faith at the center of your life without feeling like you have to discard it for the sake of your mental health. On the contrary, your faith is the biggest tool in supporting your mental health. Healing leads to better relationships, peace of mind, and renewed confidence.
It is important to pick a therapist who sees both the strength and the struggle. if we focus solely on the struggles, therapy feels burdensome. And if we focus only on the strengths, we feel unseen and neglected.
You don’t have to carry the weight of perfectionism, silence, or cultural pressure alone. As a Black therapist in Houston, I offer Christian counseling in Houston designed to help Black women heal, grow, and walk in God’s peace. Schedule your free consultation for therapy in Houston today and take the first step toward a lighter, more hopeful future.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
How to Find the Right Therapist in Houston for Your Needs
Finding the right therapist in Houston can feel overwhelming, but it’s key to real healing. Learn how to choose a therapist who truly fits your needs and supports your growth. Discover what to look for and take the first step toward the care you deserve. Read my full blog today.
Why Choosing a Black Therapist in Houston Can Make a Difference
When you search for a Black therapist in Houston, you’re not just looking for credentials — you’re looking for someone who understands your culture, your faith, and the unique challenges Black women face in daily life. The single most important factor in the success of therapy, isn’t the credentials of your therapist, but it really is in the level of fit between you and your therapist. If you are uncomfortable with your therapist, you will not be able to open up to her. Just like if your therapist isn’t able to understand all of who you are, she won’t be able to bring in the necessary skills to help you reach your goals.
Representation matters in therapy. You do not want to spend 30 minutes within each session trying to explain your cultural or religious background to your therapist. She should have a basic understanding of who you are. Now of course, things in therapy aren’t cookie cutter, so you also don’t want a therapist who thinks of you as part of a stereotype or who has prejudices against you. A therapist who works with Black women should have a basic understanding of micro aggressions (and of course she should stay away from triggering you). She should also understand the role that generational trauma and negative generational cycles have played in your life. A big part of the work I do is understanding those patterns and helping you break away from them. You should also be able to discuss your family dynamics without having to over explain them to your therapist.
Having some sort of commonality or connection with your therapist helps deepen trust so that you can open up quicker. If you don’t trust your therapist, things will be stalled. Often times, Black women find it easier to open up about issues of faith, family and cultural pressures when they work with a Black therapist who has a strong understanding about these areas of their lives. You do not have to put your values aside when you are in therapy. The Holy Spirit can be in the therapy room too.
Faith and Therapy: How a Black Therapist in Houston Can Support Your Spiritual Walk
For many Christian women, faith is not separate from emotional healing — and working with a Black therapist in Houston who honors your spiritual walk can make therapy feel like an extension of your faith journey. When you go to therapy, you are actually working on your soul. Because your soul is made of up of your mind, your will and your emotions. Because of this, you want to be careful who you are opening yourself up to. Sometimes Christian women shy away from therapy because they do not believe that they can find a therapist who can integrate biblical principles into therapy. This is untrue. Your values guide how you think and what you do, so you should absolutely be able to bring your faith into therapy.
Therapy does not have to conflict with your Christian and biblical beliefs. Rather, a good Christian therapist in Houston should be able to utilize the Bible as a guide in checking your thoughts and emotions. Afterall, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). A skilled therapist can also incorporate prayer. scripture and spiritual reflection when needed. My job is not to indoctrinate you, rather I lead you to scriptures for reflection and test your thoughts against what the Bible says. The Holy Spirit is the one who illuminates concepts and convicts you. A faith-integrated Black therapist in Houston can help women navigate struggles while staying rooted in God. I am able to utilize evidence based approaches as a therapist alongside biblical principles.
Questions to Ask When Searching for a Black Therapist in Houston
Finding the right fit starts with asking the right questions — here are key things to ask when looking for a Black therapist in Houston who understands both your personal and spiritual needs.
Of course, start by asking about her training and professional experience. You want to at least ensure that she is an actual therapist. Feel free to ask for her license number and search it on the licensing board’s website to ensure that she is still in good standing. And if you want to search my license up. My Texas LMFT license number is 204180. My California LMFT license number is 93384.
You can also ask about the therapist’s experience as it pertains to the issue that brought you into therapy. For example, does she have experience working with Highly Sensitive People? What is her approach in working with trauma? What approaches does she use for working with generational trauma or with people who have experienced multiple traumas? Does she specialize in issues such as anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing or marital stress? Please note that there is no such thing as a therapist who is a Jack of all trades. We are all great at specific issues. No one is amazing at all the things. If a therapist tells you that she can work with every single issue, that’s a red flag. No one is that good. Just like a primary care physician will know when she needs to refer you to a specialist for certain issues.
Next you might also want to ask about the therapist’s approach to integrating faith into sessions. Will sessions feel like a Sunday sermon? Will sessions have an undertone of spirituality or will you be explicitly talking about the word of God? Will it feel like a lecture or will it be a joint discussion? Is there room for prayer and scripture in session or is it that the therapist is a Christian who cannot integrate faith into her work?
You may also ask how she maintains cultural awareness about specific issues that pertain to Black women. Is she aware about things like medical bias? Are you able to speak to her about things like colorism, code switching, some of the issues that face immigrants? Will you be able to talk to her about dreams and others ways that God speaks to you? These are important too.
What to Expect in Your First Session with a Black Therapist in Houston
It is normal to feel a bit nervous when you first start therapy. After all, you are being asked to unpack secrets that you’ve not told anyone. Therapy does leave you feeling a bit vulnerable at the beginning and it is a big ask for you to trust someone whom you’ve never met. I get it. But once you know what to expect from therapy, a Black therapist in Houston can help you feel prepared and supported from day one.
In the first therapy session, you will be continuing to assess whether or not this therapist is the right one for you. Do you like her voice? Do you feel comfortable in her presence or is everything within you telling you to run? Please also listen to your gut. If you don’t feel that this therapist is a great fit for you, it’s okay to say so and not return. Our feelings won’t be hurt. We also want you to find someone who is a great fit for you. I personally love to see people win— whether or not I’m the one who helped them win.
In the first session you will be setting the tone for how much faith you want integrated into the session. Some people want to dig into scriptures and pray. Others just want a light touch. It’s all up to you. You will also be setting goals during this session. What areas are important to touch on are also a collaboration between you and your therapist. A skilled therapist will never force you to address issues that you don’t want to touch on. I typically go over your upbringing, as well as areas that affect your emotional, relational, environmental and occupational health. We’ll go over my practice policies, so that we are both on the same page. You will be talking about your story, what brought you into therapy and what you want your life to look like once therapy is done.
As much as I’m a mental health professional, you are the expert of your life. So we will work together to come up with goals and create a therapy environment that works well for you. I create a personalized plan for each client. Because I am fully aware that humans are unique. No cookie cutter approach for me. Even though there might be a bit of discomfort, you shouldn’t feel the hairs standing at the back of your neck. It should be slight discomfort- not terror.
Finding Healing and Hope with a Black Therapist in Houston Who Understands You
Healing becomes more powerful when you feel understood — and working with a Black therapist in Houston who shares your cultural and faith values can help you walk in hope and confidence. The process of therapy transforms you. The goal is to help you understand yourself better. You get to know the thoughts running through your head, why you think the way you do, how your thoughts are connected to your emotions, how to accept but still manage big emotions, as well as how to improve important relationships around you. The outcome should be stronger boundaries, healthier relationships, relief from anxiety and trauma, as well as a renewed confidence about your life.
Faith and therapy can have a beautiful symbiotic relationship. You get to include the spiritual aspect of your life and use it to guide your thoughts and emotions. It’s importance that you do not struggle alone. After all, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” You are allowed to use the resources around you so that you can stand solidly on your two feet.
When you work with a Christian therapist in Houston who understands both your faith and your identity, it makes the journey more impactful.
If you’ve been carrying the weight of anxiety, perfectionism, or relationship struggles, you don’t have to walk this journey alone. As a Black therapist in Houston who integrates Christian faith into the healing process, I help women like you find peace, clarity, and strength. Schedule your free consultation for Christian counseling in Houston today and take the first step toward the wholeness God desires for you.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Why Working with a Black Therapist in Houston Matters for Your Mental Health
Working with a Black therapist in Houston can make all the difference. When your therapist understands your experiences and culture, healing feels safer and more authentic. Discover how culturally attuned care supports your mental health—read my full blog to learn more.
There is something to be said about a therapist who isn’t just filled with head knowledge and therapeutic jargon, but she is able to make you feel like she knows you from the moment you see her face flash across the screen. It is hard enough to be going through anxiety, haunted by the trauma from your past, or feeling like your marriage is imploding. But it feels like a slap in the face when you have hope that the therapist in front of you is finally going to help you turn the corner, but the therapeutic relationship completely falls flat.
I tell people that the single most important factor in the success of therapy is not how many PhDs your therapist has or how many trainings and certificates she has under her belt. It is the relationship between the therapist and the client. Impactful therapy will be holistic. It will include everything that makes you who you are. That includes highlighting your cultural identity and faith during the healing process. A skilled Black therapist in Houston understands the unspoken. She's able to weave your Christian values into your healing so that you don't have to actually change who you are to become a better version of you.
Why Representation in Therapy Matters for Black Women
Most Black women who come to see me for therapy generally feel unseen and burdened. They are the soldiers who hold the household together and carry their neighborhoods on their back. They know how to help everyone around them, how to keep trudging on. They know how to survive trauma, stress and harsh environments. They know what it takes to climb to the top and create successful careers and families without complaint. But the problem is sometimes they feel completely unseen. Their family members and friends run to them when they need help, but no one checks up on them regularly. They put everybody else as priority, but their own needs aren’t anywhere on the burner. There isn’t enough time or emotional bandwidth to even be on the burner.
When a Black woman comes to therapy, it is important that she's able to express herself fully without the fear of being misunderstood or judged. It is important that a skilled Black therapist in Houston is able to see her for who she is without introducing micro aggressions, stereotypes or pre-judgments about her. Although she might be working with a Black therapist in Houston, it is also important that the therapist knows that all Black women are different and doesn’t treat her like a case study.
Although there might be a shared cultural identity and/or religious identity among them, a skilled Black therapist in Houston is able to get even the strongest of Black women to open up, put herself on the burner again and begin the journey into difficult spaces in her heart so that they may finally be healed. Healing cannot happen when you're feeling judged and misunderstood. Healing finally happens when you find a skilled therapist who is ready to allow you to be just for you.
This is what I do. Learn more about me here.
The Power of Shared Faith and Values in the Healing Process
When you're a Christian, it's difficult to remove your Christian convictions from conversations about your marriage, your mental health, and what you're going through. And you shouldn’t have to. Because your entire life is actually rooted in your beliefs- they are the source of your values. Sometimes you crave a space where you can talk about your dreams, your convictions and your values without having to actually explain yourself to your therapist. When you work with a Christian therapist in Houston who also understands your perspective, then things are a little bit easier. It’s bad enough that you feel like trauma has you in a chokehold. The last thing you want is to begin to explain why you run your marriage the way that you do, or why you parent the way you do.
And depending on the Christian therapist in Houston that you work with, they may also be able to incorporate scriptures for deeper understanding, prayer and additional parts of your faith. Because there is no reason why we cannot invite the Holy Spirit into our therapy conversations. Let’s remember that your soul is made up of your mind, your will and your emotions. This means that when you work with a therapist, you are actually woking on healing your soul. Don’t open up your soul to just anyone. Imagine talking about a dream or vision you had last night, then the therapist starts to look at you side eyed, because she thinks you’re psychotic. Nope! This is where understanding is important.
Breaking the Silence: Addressing Mental Health in the Black Community
But before we even dive into Christian counseling in Houston, it is important to note that I am fully aware that Black people often shy away from therapy. I am also aware of the historical abuses that have happened to Black people in the mental health community. So it is important to have a consultation: do your research before you pick a therapist. Ask around to see who has helped your friends and loved ones. Check out the therapist’s website, see what their reviews are online and go with your gut. You can tell a lot about someone just by speaking to them.
If you've been hearing about therapy and you really want to give it a try, pick someone who has values that are similar to yours. You find out by asking. Ask her what her faith background is and ask her some other values based questions too. That way you know that you can be comfortable with her. Working with a Black therapist in Houston can help to reduce the shame around seeking help for your mental health. Please know that therapy is confidential, so your therapist will not be posting about you on social media or telling others your business.
Some common struggles that people have gone to therapy for are perfectionism, trauma, anxiety, trying to learn more about how to manage high sensitivity, having too high expectations of themselves and others, marriage problems and self esteem issues. This list is far from exhaustive though.
There is something special about working with someone who shares a cultural background with you. it heals you in ways that you never thought before.
Creating a Space Where You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself
Therapy is for you and it should not come with emotional labor. This means you shouldn’t have to spend 15 minutes explaining things like speaking in tongues, something dropping into your spirit, anointing your home with oil, being afraid of your mom even though you’re 40 years old, and other cultural norms. You do emotional labor at work all the time, so therapy is your time to finally breathe easy and be taken care of so you can get the tools you need to finally thrive.
It can be such a big relief to sit across from a therapist who gets you. Now of course, because you and you therapist have a common religious background or ethnicity, does not mean you are clones of each other. You should be treated like a unique being. But you get to show up as yourself. So if one day you decide to keep your bonnet and pajamas on in session, it’ll be just fine. Your Black therapist in Houston will understand the assignment and ask no further questions. If you decide to switch up your hair each week, she also will get it. No questions asked. You can then spend the time diving into family dynamics, church life, and whatever else you’ve got going on. Easy peasy. And this is one of the reasons why Black women in Houston flock to me. Because I get the immigrant perspective as a therapist who is a Nigerian immigrant myself. I can also help you bridge the gap between you and your immigrant parents (No, they don’t have to come to therapy with you).
Choosing the Right Black Christian Therapist in Houston for You
To find a therapist who is a good cultural match for you, first start with asking your friends and family members. I know you think none of them go to therapy, but as a Black therapist in Houston, let me assure you that Black women and couples are indeed investing in and working on their mental health. Ask them what they like about their therapist and see if that same therapist might work for you. Before you call them, do a quick Google search and see if they have a website. Their website will give you some more background about them. You’ll learn a bit more about their personality, their therapy style and if they share your values.
If you do not want to ask your friends or family members for a referral, you can also do a Google search. Keywords like ‘Black therapist in Houston’ or ‘Christian therapist in Houston’ can be a great beginning. Start with their reviews if they have any, then go to their website, then schedule a consult call if the therapist offers it. I would suggest scheduling a call with 3 or 4 therapists before you decide who will be your best fit. Go with your gut. Go with the person whom you feel most comfortable with and best understands you.
Write down the criteria that are important to you. It can be things like gender, spiritual background, cultural background, knowledge of high sensitivity, trauma and anxiety. Even things like knowledge of your specific ethnic background or immigrant status. Be specific. I promise there is a therapist for you out there and these things matter.
Lastly, you can try a therapist directory. There are so many of them out there. There is Psychology Today, Therapy Den, Therapy for Black Girls, African Therapist Directory, and so much more.
Ready to begin your healing journey with a therapist who truly understands your faith, culture, and sensitivity? As a trusted Black therapist in Houston and Christian therapist in Houston, I provide a safe, compassionate space for Black women to feel seen, supported, and empowered. Book your free consultation call for therapy in Houston today and take the first step toward lasting change.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Apologizing and Forgiving Biblically in Marriage | Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston
Discover how biblical principles of apology and forgiveness can heal wounds and restore closeness in marriage. Learn practical steps to admit mistakes, extend grace, and rebuild trust so your relationship can grow stronger in faith and love. Read my full blog for guidance and hope.
Why Apology and Forgiveness Are Essential in Marriage
When you are married, your partner will hurt you from time to time. And of course, because you’re not perfect, you will hurt him too. But forgiveness has to become a staple in your marriage, if not, resentment and bitterness will enter. And once you become resentful, things will take a turn for the worst. Unresolved offenses cause deep damage in a marriage. But the antidote for that is clear communication and working towards strong intimacy.
If you want to have a biblical marriage, it is important to have a forgiving heart. One caveat though. I’m not talking about abuse or when your life is in danger. I am simply referring to forgiveness of small hurts and differences of opinion. My assumption in this blog is that both you and your husband are reasonable people who actually want to learn how to communicate in a healthy way. Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” It can be so easy to hold a grudge against your spouse, because our hearts can be hurt easier by the people we love the most.
And when you hurt your spouse- even if you hate to admit your wrongdoing- it is important to admit your wrongdoing and apologize. An apology helps to mend your spouse’s broken heart, softens your own heart and creates a deeper level of intimacy and togetherness in your marriage.
In Christian marriage counseling in Houston, couples learn that apologies and forgiveness are not optional—they are spiritual and relational necessities. If you want a strong, healthy marriage, then forgiveness and apologizing has to be part your tools.
Understanding True Apology
When you inevitably wrong your spouse, it’s important to learn how to give him a proper apology. The goal of an apology is for you to show humility, to understand what hurt your spouse and to begin to heal his heart with your words.
The first step in an apology is to admit that you wronged him. It doesn’t matter whether or not you meant to offend him. Once someone says that you hurt them, it’s important to acknowledge your wrong. Also acknowledge that your spouse’s feelings are indeed valid- even if you don’t understand them.
Take some time to listen to what your spouse has to say. Listening helps you to truly understand your husband’s heart and perspective. Ask questions like “What was it about what I said that hurt you?” “What could I have done to make it better?” “How can we prevent this from escalating in the future?” “How can I make it up to you?” “What do you need in this moment?”
Accept responsibility for what you said and/or did. This one takes a big step of humility. Take shame out of the equation. Accept where you went wrong. No buts, no justification, no explanations. Just accept it and move on.
Next step is to express some sort of remorse for your mistake or misstep. You must have some sort of remorse for causing hurt and harm. And to show remorse, a simple “I’m sorry” or “I should not have said that” could suffice.
Ask your spouse what you need to do to make it better. Take notes if you need to, so you’re not committing the same offense over and over again. And the last thing is to commit to change. Make a mental note to do better.
As a Black Christian therapist in Houston, I help couples practice authentic apologies that foster trust instead of defensiveness. James 5:16 says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Once you come to your spouse with an open, humble, contrite heart, you now create room for a stronger, safer relationship.
Biblical Principles for Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a choice. It takes a lot of strength and willpower. It involves putting your hurts and pain away and deciding that you want to actually reunite with your spouse. Forgiveness is also a command in the Bible. Matthew 6:14–15 say “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Ouch!
So that means God will shut His eyes and His ears to you if you don’t forgive your spouse. I’ll leave that one there.
Christian marriage counseling in Houston is a great avenue to learn how to forgive without condoning hurtful behavior.
Practical Steps for Apologizing and Forgiving Together
The first step to apologizing and forgiving is to probably pray together. Take a moment to pause and pray before difficult conversations. This is a great way to invite The Holy Spirit who gives us wisdom to know the right things to say. He also facilitates healing, forgiveness and a tender heart.
Use “I feel” statements to express hurt without blame. When you are expressing your point of view, it is important to be soft and gentle with it. Your upset is not an excuse to be mean to your spouse. It is important to talk from your own point of view. Don’t speak for your spouse or make assumptions about him. Refrain from ascribing certain emotions to your spouse. For example, “You did it on purpose.” Because you’re not in his mind, you can’t assume to know his intentions. Rather, focus on your feelings and perspective. For example “I feel sad by the common you made. What I need is an apology.” Notice we aren’t speaking for your spouse in any way.
Accept apologies with grace, seeking reconciliation rather than revenge. When you have assertively spoken about how you feel and what you need, it is now time to accept your husband’s apology so that reconciliation can happen. It’s okay to let him know how he can make it up to you. For some people, a simple “I’m sorry” is all they need. For others, they need to see behavioral change. Think about what you need.
A Black marriage counselor in Houston guides couples in turning these steps into a lasting relational practice.
The Long-Term Benefits of Biblical Apology and Forgiveness
So why is forgiveness actually important in a relationship?
Because forgiveness helps to restore trust in your relationship. Every time you hurt your spouse, you create a tear in the relationship. But forgiveness and apology helps to repair the tear. Forgiveness is also a great way to practice strong and healthy communication in your marriage. Through apologizing and forgiving, you learn about your husband’s triggers, how his heart is healed and ways that you can make amends to him when you mess up.
Another reason why apology and forgiveness is good is to improve emotional safety in your marriage. When your spouse knows that he can speak to you about anything, and he can come to you even when you've hurt him, it increases emotional safety in the relationship. In a safe marriage, both parties should be able to talk about deep hurts and wounds. It also creates a deeper spiritual connection. Consistent practice helps couples experience peace and growth in their marriage.
Are past hurts keeping you and your spouse from true intimacy? As a Black Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I help couples apologize and forgive in ways that restore trust, strengthen communication, and honor God. Book your free 15-minute consultation for Christian marriage counseling in Houston today and start building a marriage grounded in grace and connection.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
How to Rebuild Trust After Hurtful Words| Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston
Words can wound, but trust can be rebuilt. Discover practical steps to repair the damage after hurtful words—through honest communication, empathy, and consistent action. Learn how to heal together and create a stronger, more resilient relationship. Read my full blog today!
Why Trust Can Be Fragile After Hurtful Words
In a marriage, it is so important to watch the words you say. You may apologize later, but once the words have come out of your mouth, you cannot take them back. Consider this scripture- “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). You know the old saying- “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.’ Well that is a big lie. Words hurt. Word can also heal.
Words can create big wounds that could be difficult to heal. Long after you have apologized, your spouse may still remember the harsh words you said. Words can break trust, they can make your spouse feel small, unloved, unheard and disrespected. Harsh or uncaring words can actually close the doors to open communication and intimacy.
In Christian marriage counseling in Houston, couples learn that rebuilding trust is a process grounded in both faith and practical steps. I’m pretty sure that if you’ve been married for a while you’ve said one or two hurtful words. Through the process of marriage counseling, you will learn how to be wise with your words, and how to repair after you mess up.
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Words
Hurtful words leave a lasting impact. In some cases they might even dig at the self esteem of your spouse. So be careful what you say. Sometimes you might say something as a joke, but in practice, it might hit a nerve of your spouse’s. Words can also affect the emotional safety of your spouse- especially harsh words or words said loudly. Most people think of safety in terms of physical safety. But safety can also be emotional. Does your spouse feel like she has to overly edit herself when she is around you? Do you speak over her? Invalidate her feelings? Do you use intelligent words in a bid to ‘win’ the conversation? Or are your words used to encourage?
Hurtful or harsh words can also put a damper on the connection in your marriage. Think about it. It’s hard to connect with someone whom you do not feel safe with. It’s hard to open up to someone who doesn’t understand your point of view or who treats you as if you’re his competition- as opposed to his partner. Sometimes couples are much too reactive when they talk. To be reactive means to speak without spending time to reflect on how your words will affect you, your spouse and your environment. But to be responsive on the other hand, means to pause so that you can phrase your words in a kind, respectful way. James 1:19 sums up what responsiveness is – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
As a Black Christian therapist in Houston I help couples recognize patterns of reactive speech and understand the deeper emotional impact.
Steps to Repair Trust in Marriage
If you feel like your words have actually caused strife in your marriage, do not fear. As long as you and your spouse are willing, there’s always room for repair. The first step after you goof is to apologize. No need for shame. No need for guilt. No need to run away, Just straight up apologize to your spouse. An apology sounds like “I a sorry for saying [insert here].” An apology does NOT sound like “I am sorry if you feel sad” or “I am sorry you feel that way.” Nope.
The next step is to ask your spouse how you can improve things or prevent things from escalating next time. Perhaps you have to stay away from certain trigger words. Perhaps one of you might need to pause before you speak. Or maybe both of you take a time out. Stay away from words that obviously bother your spouse- even if those words are not a big deal to you.
After you apologize, pray for healing and guidance. Ask The Holy Spirit to bridle your tongue so that you use your words with wisdom. Couples in Christian marriage counseling in Houston practice these steps to restore both emotional and spiritual intimacy.
Creating a Culture of Forgiveness and Grace
Although it’s important for each person to be careful about their words, it’s also important to extend a level of grace and understanding in marriage. Give each other time to learn and to grow. I’m not talking about justifying bad behavior. However, give each other some space to grow and learn. It’s also important to include a measure of accountability. You both should be able to call each other out when someone fumbles the ball. If your spouse uses triggering or hurtful words after you’ve already had a conversation, you have to remind him that those words are off limits. The desired outcome is for him to apologize. Ephesians 4:32 says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
As a Black marriage counselor in Houston, I know that teaches that forgiveness is a discipline that reinforces trust over time.
Maintaining Trust Through Ongoing Communication
It is important to keep trying. The more work you put into it, the more successful you’ll be at this communication thing. Consistent communication habits are what you need to improve things in your marriage. Here are some habits you can start to improve communication:
1) Weekly check ins: Meet together once a week for about 30 minutes to talk about your week. What did each person say to build the other up? Was there anything that was said that was hurtful? How can you make it better? Pick just 1 thing to avoid overwhelm.
2) Shared prayer time: Prayer is a great way to invite God into your home. Before having a difficlt conversation, hold hands and say a prayer. Prayer softens hearts and helps to dampen difficult emotions. If you’re struggling with forgiveness, pray about it.
3) Listen actively: I sometimes ask my couples to take notes when their spouse is talking. This ensures that you are actually capturing what they are saying. Make a note about words that offend or hurt your spouse so you can stay away from them. Also identify how your spouse wants you to repair when you have hurt him. Does he want a hug in addition to “I’m sorry?” Is there a way to make amends? Talk about this.
Consistent, faith-based communication prevents new breaches of trust and strengthens marital intimacy.
Have hurtful words damaged trust in your marriage? As a Black Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I help couples rebuild trust, restore communication, and strengthen emotional and spiritual intimacy. Book your free 15-minute consultation for Christian marriage counseling in Houston today and start healing your marriage with guidance grounded in faith and expertise.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Using Boundaries to Protect Communication and strengths your marriage| Christian marriage counseling Houston
Healthy communication starts with clear boundaries. Discover how setting loving limits can reduce conflict, build trust, and deepen connection with your spouse. Learn practical steps to protect conversations and strengthen your marriage in my insightful new blog. Read it today!
Why Boundaries Are Vital for Healthy Communication
Boundaries are gates that tell people when to come in, when to stand outside and when to stop. Every healthy relationship needs boundaries. If your boundaries are too flexible, you’ll get walked over. If your boundaries are too strong, on the other hand, you’ll never be able to let your spouse in and experience the full level of intimacy that you deserve to have within a marriage.
Boundaries help your spouse know how you want to be treated, what works for you, and what doesn’t. They help you protect yourself from hurt and they also invite respect and safety. Love should have boundaries and your spouse should know how you like to talk, what you enjoy socially, who you are, how you like to be spoken to, and what areas of your heart might be raw or unhealed.
In Christian marriage counseling in Houston, couples learn that healthy boundaries prevent escalation and foster understanding. A good boundary would let your spouse know that yelling is inappropriate in your household. A good boundary could also look like taking responsibility for your actions and apologizing when you miss the mark. You see? boundaries aren’t all bad. They help you respect one another. I believe that God also wants us to have boundaries. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Without boundaries you cannot guard your heart. We are not to just allow anything penetrate our hearts.
Identifying Areas Where Boundaries Are Needed
If you’re still wondering what areas of your marriage might need some established boundaries, I’ll help you out. Let’s first start with tone and language. Some people have no concerns about foul language and escalated tone of voice during arguments. While, for others, it is a trigger of past trauma and/or a sign of disrespect. Talk about it.
You can have boundaries about personal space as well. This would be especially helpful if one person is an introvert and the other is an extrovert. Or if one person loves physical touch, while the other gets overstimulated or sometimes feels over touched.
You could also have boundaries around bedtime routines too. Are both of you early risers or night owls? Or is one of you an early bird while the other is a night owl? Talk about how that’s going to work for you.
Establish boundaries around work. This is especially helpful if one or both of you are entrepreneurs or work a non structured schedule.
Also establish boundaries around emotional triggers. What irritates you? What makes you sad? Nervous? Scared? Angry? Your spouse should know these things. As a Black Christian therapist in Houston I help couples identify where boundaries are most needed to reduce conflict.
How to Set Boundaries with Love and Grace
Now that you know what boundaries to set, the question is how exactly will you set them without it being awkward or without your spouse feeling hurt? First remember that boundaries are a way to learn how to love your spouse well. It is sometimes helpful to tell your spouse why the boundary is important to you. This gives him a better understanding of your past, your personality and your experiences.
Here is a good formula for communicating your boundaries:
I feel [insert feeling word] about [situation or boundary]. Here is what I need from you [insert here].
For example, I feel scared when I her someone raise their voice. What I need from you is to keep your voice at a low level when we disagree.
You can even talk more about past situations you’ve had around yelling and why it’s such a trigger for you. Notice there was no finger pointing. And in the event that voices do get raised, agree on game plan. One person needs to call a timeout. You can have a hand signal, or it can be a verbal call for timeout. During a time out, both parties need to move to separate rooms for at least 30 minutes. The goal is for each person to be able to cool off so that when you return, the conversation will be calm and respectful.
As usual, use prayer to guide and affirm mutual respect. When you have a joint goal, boundaries seem easier. Couples in Christian marriage counseling in Houston learn to enforce boundaries while maintaining connection.
Overcoming Guilt and Fear Around Boundaries
Many wives are afraid to set boundaries or even talk about boundaries because they fear that their husbands will think less of them. Boundaries are not to push your husband away. Rather, boundaries are to give him a roadmap so that he can avoid triggers, love you deeper, respect you and help you feel truly cherished. They aren’t selfish. On the other hand, when you don’t know your own limitations, it’s hard for someone to love you well. Because no one knows what you need unless you tell them.
As a Black marriage counselor in Houston, my job is to guide you in understanding that God calls us to love wisely, which includes protecting emotional space.
The Long-Term Benefits of Healthy Boundaries in Marriage
Setting boundaries could feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, having the difficult conversations can strengthen your marriage. Once you get these boundaries out of the way, your spouse gets to understand you better, you’re not nearly as triggered, and you’ll find that the arguments will reduce. Boundaries are a way to communicate clearly, deepen trust for one another and promote greater emotional safety.
When you know each other’s boundaries, you know how to take care of each other, how to talk to one another, how to hep each other through the hard things. Consistent use of boundaries, guided by faith, creates a sustainable path for conflict resolution and intimacy.
Do arguments in your marriage often escalate or leave you feeling unheard? As a Black Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I help couples set healthy, faith-based boundaries that protect communication and strengthen connection. Book your free 15-minute consultation for Christian marriage counseling in Houston today and start fostering a calmer, more loving marriage.
About
My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.
Ready to get rid of anxiety, finally kick insomnia or for marriage counseling?