Christian Therapist for women with anxiety and trauma throughout CA &amp; TX

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/25/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/25/25

Struggling to Speak Up? A Christian Therapist in Houston on How to Ask Your Non-HSP Husband for What You Need

Struggling to speak up in your marriage? My blog offers gentle guidance for highly sensitive Christian wives on how to express their needs without guilt or fear. Read now. Christian therapist in Houston, Black therapist Houston.

Understanding the Struggle: Why Asking for What You Need Feels Hard in Your Marriage

When you are a highly sensitive woman married to a non highly sensitive man or vice versa, it could feel like being married to an alien. While you might enjoy regular quiet time alone, you find him making all the noise and wanting to do more and more. While you want to process your feelings daily within the last inch of its life, he is fine giving you a one sentence answer at the end of the day. He wonders why seemingly small things bother you, or why you ruminate so much. You often feel as if he is cold, aloof and unfeeling, and he in turn, sometimes feels as if you are dramatic, you care too much and you don’t like people. And over time, you stop sharing your thoughts and feeing so much, you begin to process your day on your own, and you stop inviting your spouse into the deepest depths of your heart. While he has no idea that you have pulled back, you do, and it is building into resentment.

But whether you are highly sensitive or not, the Bible does lead us to use our listening ears very well. James 1:19 says "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Notice how the scripture says everyone. Not ‘highly sensitive people’ or ‘husbands’ or ‘wives.’ Everyone should strive to listen twice a much as they speak. Even as a highly sensitive person, sometimes you get so swept up in your own emotions, your plans and your life, that you totally forgot to enter into your husband’s world. If he is not great at opening up, perhaps you could ask multiple follow up questions to help engage him in a dialogue. And let him know that your questions are for connection, not for interrogation.

How to Communicate Your Needs: Practical Steps for HSPs in Marriage

Even if your husband is not a highly sensitive person, chances are he does love you- after all why did he marry you? He might express his feelings in a different way than you, but remember that he does indeed love and care for you. The problem is he might not know how to love you in the way that you need, just like you might struggle to love him according to the way he needs. The solution is in communicating your needs effectively- so that he can begin to understand how he can serve you, ad you can also do the same for him.

Here are some practical ways to begin to build that bridge:

Take time to reflect before speaking. Think of times in the past when you and your husband were on the same page. What was special about it? Write it down. I find that reflecting on the positive- what you actually want and what has worked- is actually so much more effective than reflecting on what is broken in the relationship.
Time your conversations appropriately. It doesn’t matter what you say, but what matters is how you say it. Your tone, your attitude, your timing, your mood all play a great role in the success of a conversation. Let your spouse know that you want to talk to him about something important, and pick a time when both of you can be engaged and focused on the conversation. Put away electronics and other distractions.
Use “I” statements: I talk about this all the time because it helps to create an environment where both parties are open and it also puts defensiveness at bay. When you talk about “I” statements, the focus is on your experience, as opposed to pointing the finger at your partner. Most people are more than willing to hear you when you're focusing on your opinion and your emotions. When the conversation starts to move into blaming and insulting the other person, expect him to shut down.
Encourage your spouse: I believe in using the sandwich method, this is a way of communicating in which you can you talk about one good thing that your spouse has done, then in the middle you talk about the thing that you actually need or that you were trying to correct, and then you finish the conversation with another positive thing that your spouse has done. Because depending on how sensitive your spouse is or how strange your relationship is, sometimes if all your spouse ever hears about himself is what he's not doing well, this can feel very intimidating and demoralizing for him. But when he's here and more positive than negative, he is more likely to be open to correction.
And of course in the spirit of Christian marriage counseling in Houston, it is important to bring everything back to the Bible. Matthew 18:15 says “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” You can poojtn out his fault in a gentle, loving and calm way. Being offended is not an excuse for rudeness or bad behavior. Remember that 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
It might seem intimidating to utilize these skills on your own-especially if things are already tense at home, so that is why I am here. I guide my clients to develop practical communication skills through Christian marriage counseling in Houston. We get to practice together, I model healthy communication and you’ll get lots of homework so that you are practicing at home too.

Addressing the Fear of Rejection: Trusting God in the Vulnerability of Asking for Your Needs

One big reason why many highly sensitive women or even non-highly sensitive wives do not ask for what they want from their husbands is that they are afraid that they will be rejected. They feel like they have asked for what they want 1 million times and nothing has been done. They sometimes also feel as if their husband no longer loves them.

But remember that your feelings are not facts. If your husband does not love you, then why did he actually marry you? So sometimes we have to remove the illogical from our minds so that the practical can step forward. Practically, chances are that your husband does actually love you, but because of life, because you both have different personalities and temperaments, because of past hurts and pain, both of you have simply started to live divergent lives. And through Christian marriage counseling, we can hopefully work together to get the both of you back on track so that you can have the marriage that God intended for you. If we have to refer to Isaiah 41:10 it says “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Remember that God is the creator of marriage and His desire for all of us to he happily married as long as He is in the center of it. Please remember that God is with you in your vulnerability and he also is your strength.

But you must also take action and do the vulnerable thing, which is to speak up and ask for what you want. Regardless of past hurts. Couples I have worked with have been able to overcome this fear by leaning on their faith and finding support through Christian marriage counseling. They have been willing to accept that they do not have this marriage thing completely figured out, but they are willing to learn new skills and try things out in a different way. You hav ego too approach your spouse with courage and grace.

Why Working with a Black Christian Therapist in Houston Can Help You Speak Up and Strengthen Your Marriage

If your marriage has been struggling for a while, or if you feel like things could be better, it might be time to seek professional help. Now the scary statistic states that the average person who goes to marriage counseling waits at least six years from the start of their problems before seeking help. That is scary.

In six years you can attain both a bachelors and a masters degree, and in six years a newborn is in first grade. Imagine all of that time wasted when you could easily have a professional teach you the communication skills that you need to take your marriage to a deeper level. As a Black therapist in Houston who is also a Christian marriage counselor, it is important that I am able to help my Christian clients incorporate a biblical, faith perspective in their communication. It is also important that there is cultural understanding, so that I'm not asking you to become somebody that you are not. In fact, in your marriage and in our sessions, I like to dive into your differences in upbringing, your different personalities and if one of you is highly sensitive, I like to also educate the both of you about how high sensitivity plays an important role in one's communication style and attachment style.

Both of you are not supposed to be identical twins, but chances are you are struggling in your marriage because you are trying to have your spouse look just like you and vice versa. My job is to teach you how to have empathy, but also assertively ask for what you need. I also constantly remind you of your shared perspective as a couple. We cannot forget what brought you two together.

I believe that God has called us to love understand one another, and this is very important in a healthy marriage. Would it not be important for your couples therapist to share your faith and cultural background so that I can offer a deeper support and guidance? In my therapy approach we collaborate to create a new culture in your marriage that respects your individual differences as well as your biblical values. Because I believe that we cannot separate the word of God from who we are as husbands and wives.

Are you ready to embrace your sensitivity and strengthen your marriage with faith-based support? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with a Black Christian therapist in Houston today, and take the first step towards open, loving communication in your relationship.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/17/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/17/25

Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston: How to Ask Your Non-HSP Husband for What You Need (Without Feeling Guilty)

Highly sensitive Christian wives often feel guilty asking for what they need in marriage. My blog offers faith-grounded encouragement and practical tools to speak up with confidence and care. Read now. Christian marriage counseling Houston, Black therapist Houston.

Understanding the Role of Vulnerability in Marriage: A Christian Perspective

When God designed marriage, He expected both the husband and the wife to be sacrificial and loving to one another. To love another is to be vulnerable and open with him/her. Afterall, can anyone ever know you well if you do not open yourself up to him? As a Christian marriage counselor, one of the struggles I see in married couples who are facing challenges is that the break in trust immediately affects their vulnerability. And the less vulnerability a couple has, the further apart they seem to drift.

Husbands are called to love their wives the way that Christ loved the church and laid down His life for her. Christ was beaten, insulted, spat upon, tortured and killed. And even though He knew this was going to happen, He happily descended from heaven, put on the body of a human and agreed to this. I’m not saying that husbands are going to be tortured, but I’m saying that marriage involves vulnerability and sacrifice. You will have days when you want to give up, days when you cry, days when you feel sick, and days when your wife will see you at your weakest. It is in these moments that she can help lift you up.

And for wives, we are commanded to respect our husbands. Even though our husbands are not perfect, and we will not always agree with their every move, the art of respect involves putting pride aside, biting your tongue sometimes and listening to his side. Respect involves being empathetic and trying to ensure that his needs are on the burner too. It implies selflessness.

A Highly sensitive woman knows what vulnerability is- because she feels and thinks deeply. She can utilize this superpower to be her best self as a wife. When you sense that your husband is having a difficult time, rather than brushing it off, use it as an avenue for connection. When you sense that you have hurt him, apologize and put pride aside. A loving husband will see that you are trying to extend an olive branch, and he will put his pride aside too. This type of mutual respect helps to continue to build trust, intimacy and closeness.

Take a moment to ask yourself how you feel about vulnerability currently in your marriage. Are you open to ask for what you want? Or are you hiding? Is pride a factor in your marriage, or are you willing to peel off the layers so your spouse can see you? If vulnerability is still a struggle in your marriage, reach out to me- a Black therapist in Houston.

Why Asking for What You Need Doesn’t Make You Weak: Debunking the Myth of "Self-Sufficiency"

We also are urged not to do anything out of “Selfish ambition” or “Vain conceit.” We are to “Value others more than yourself.” (Philippians 2:3-4). This means within the context of marriage, your spouse is your priority. You are not so focused on yourself that you forget your spouse. Rather, there is room for you to seek ways to meet your spouse’s emotional needs too. Sometimes we are going through such a difficult time that we forget that our spouses even exist. If both parties are so focused on the other’s needs, the marriage will naturally be a success. But the problem is we clamor for our way to prevail, without considering our spouse.

But we know that we do not always live up to the above ideals. So when you find that you are struggling in your marriage, when the pride has taken hold of you, when the vulnerability has dried up, and you feel like you just can’t take it anymore, it is time to reach out to your spouse. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, it speaks to the importance of two people working together, supporting one another, helping each other up if they fall and keeping each other warm when they are cold. You are not meant to run your marital race alone. Marriage is a team sport and this is the ultimate goal of Christian marriage counseling in Houston.

As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, I find that people are always communicating their needs to their spouses. The problem is that their spouses either don’t understand their style of communication, or their style of communication is much too harsh and off-putting to the spouse. Here is a simple way to ask for what you need.

Take some time to actually ask yourself what you need. Focus on what emotions are coming up for you and what your spouse can do to support you.
Pick an appropriate time when you and your spouse aren’t distracted, frustrated or busy.
Let your spouse know that you require his/her undivided attention to discuss something important. If you desire eye contact, please say so.
Use this simple framework: “I feel [insert feeling] because [state why clearly and directly]. Here is what I need [state the need plainly.” For example “I feel sad because we no longer have date nights. What I need is a monthly date night where we put our phones away and talk about us.”
You might feel weird the first few times you practice, but after a while, it will begin to feel comfortable for both you and your spouse. Vulnerability is a strength because it helps you control your anger and other big emotions. Vulnerability is also the only path to true connection in your marriage.

How to Express Your Needs Without Guilt: Practical Tips for Communication

How you say things is sometimes even more important than what you say. In a healthy marriage, you should be able to state your opinions clearly, however you should keep your spouse’s feelings and needs in mind. Proverbs 15:1 states “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.“ A big part of being a married Christian is being able to be self controlled in your speech. Your words can either tear a person up of break him/her down. Choose life always. If you feel as if both you and your spouse are too heated or hurt for a calm exchange, then save your words for after things have calmed down.

“I statements” are very helpful when you are trying to express yourself without having your partner feel like you are blaming him. Putting the focus on you helps your husband better understand what you need and what is going on internally for you, rather than wasting your energy on blame games and defensiveness strategies. Instead of saying “You are a liar,” You can say “I felt hurt when I was told that the game was cancelled, even though it was still on.” The latter sounds a lot softer and is less likely to instigate trouble.

Remember that vulnerability is the only path to connection in marriage. When you are stating your feelings, put aside the self talk that worries about being misunderstood or rejected. One great way to get your spouse to better understand your perspective or emotions is to use the speaker/listener format. When you are speaking, your spouse’s job is to listen to understand- not listen to respond.

After you have spoken, ask your spouse to reflect back what he has heard, so that you both ensure that he heard you accurately. If he reflects back inaccurately, rather than arguing or saying “You never listen,” just simply correct him and have him reflect once again. It is a lesson in listening, patience, maturity and vulnerability. You’ll hear a lot about patience and vulnerability during Christian marriage counseling in Houston.

It is very common for Highly sensitive people to feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired and like shutting down when they are involved in high conflict situations, so here are some statements for you so that your spouse will know when it’s time for a time out or when to bring things down:

I feel overwhelmed.
I’m scared because our voices are raised.
I’m too tired from my long day at work to have this discussion now. Can we have it when we wake up so we a both refreshed?
I want to be able to have a respectful conversation with you, but I see we are too heated. Let’s take a 30-minute time out and regroup.
I need some more time to process what we have just discussed. Can you please give me an hour?
I’m overwhelmed and I’d like some alone time to decompress.

As a Black therapist in Houston, one of my greatest joys is helping couples restore warmth, softness, communication, friendship and intimacy in their marriages.

The Power of Faith-Based Therapy: Healing and Growth in Christian Marriage Counseling

Marriage is not innately difficult. The problem is that it has been given a bad rap. I find that most couples either have never witnessed a healthy marriage, or they were never taught how to have a healthy, open communication style that is devoid of selfishness and defensiveness. It is my job as a Christian therapist in Houston to help you heal from past hurts and trauma that you have experienced in your marriage. We serve a God who is full of compassion and grace, and so it is our job to learn how to have compassion and grace with our spouse as he/she is working through past hurt and pain. Part of the process also involves admitting your mistakes, apologizing and making it better. If two committed people are able to learn the foundational skills for marriage, it will e smooth sailing for the most part.

As a Black therapist in Houston, I am able to take your background, personalities, cultural norms, idiosyncrasies, Christian values and emotional needs into consideration when we are working together. I know that no two marriages are the same, which is why I dig deeply and get to know you and your spouse before trying to fix anything. My goal is to uproot longstanding problems so that the same old problems stop coming up. I am aware that most couples are having the same issues over and over again.

I give you a safe space to process emotions and break through communication barriers. There is something about having a third party who is not a friend, really listen to you, teach you how to listen and hep you communicate all the things you have buried for years. My job as a Christian marriage counselor in Houston isn't to throw scriptures at you, to assume about your life or preach to you. Rather, my job is to take a deep look at your marriage, figure what is working, as well as what isn’t, then give you practical tools to fix what is broken. You will essentially be creating a new culture in your marriage. Therapy is a tool God can use for healing and to create stronger marriage relationships.

Ready to Take the Next Step? Scheduling Your Free Consultation with a Christian Therapist in Houston

If you have been experiencing communication issues, trust issues, frustration, hurt and pain in your marriage, do not wait any longer. I’m quite sure you have tried everything you have at your disposal to make things work. It might be time to reach out to a Christian marriage therapist in Houston who is equipped with the skills, training and experience to improve your marriage before things worsen. In addition to the above, my job is to also provide you with the spiritual and emotional support. Because I know that you want to run your household the biblical way. I know it is important that you are rooted in your values. And that is exactly what therapy with me is.

If you’re a bit nervous to dive into marriage therapy, that’s okay. We can schedule a free 15-minute consultation call in which I find out a but more about your needs, your areas of struggle and what you’re looking for in a therapist. I also give you the opportunity to ask questions about me, my process, my experience, my practice- or pretty much whatever it is you need to know. During the call, you, your spouse and I can decide whether or not we think we are a great fit. Because the single most important factor in the success of therapy isn’t in the therapist’s degree, but it lies in the goodness of fit between the therapist and the client. My approach is gentle, but firm. And I do individualize every session to meet your needs.

Are you ready to strengthen your marriage through faith-based support? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with a Black therapist in Houston today and begin your journey towards deeper connection and understanding.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/10/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/10/25

Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston: How to Reconnect When You Feel Emotionally Distant from Your Husband

Feeling emotionally distant in your marriage? You're not alone. My blog gently explores how highly sensitive Christian wives can begin to reconnect with their husbands. Read now for hopeful steps forward. Christian marriage counseling Houston, Black therapist Houston.

Recognizing Emotional Distance in Your Marriage: A Biblical Perspective on Connection

Think of your marriage like a flower garden. At the beginning, everything looks lush, green and beautiful. people on the outside even come to admire it, but over time, if the garden is not tended to, if the plants are not watered, if they are lacking in air and sunlight, the once healthy flowers will begin to wither. And if care isn’t taken, the plants could die.

Marriage is not a one and done situation. If you wish to have a healthy marriage, you must put in the work to ensure that your marriage is thriving. Because over time, emotional disconnection shows up. Some subtle ways to know that you and your spouse are emotionally disconnected are:

Your conversations are focused on housekeeping, rather than your lives. You talk about the bills, the grocery order and other people, but neither of you know each other’s hopes, dreams or fears.
Your physical intimacy starts to get less and less desirable. It eventually halts or you both sweep it under the rug.
You stop being each other’s best friends. You might not even argue. You just stop sharing the inside jokes and fun conversations.
You stop doing the small things you once enjoyed- watching a show together, praying together, going to church together, having deep discussions about podcasts, cuddling, taking walks together, etc.
You find that you are happy or relieved when your spouse leaves the house or has to go on a trip.

When your emotional connection starts to wane, it also negatively affects your communication with each other. You find that arguments and short tempers gradually creep in. You start to attribute negative intention for you spouse and assume that he is trying to be hurtful towards you. You start to walk on eggshells and just generally feel uncomfortable expressing ourself in a vulnerable way.

It is time to assess the status of your relationship. Has the love grown cold? Do you still rush to update your spouse on the happenings of your day? Or would you rather keep it to yourself? Do you still trust your spouse with your heart?

Even though Jesus was not married, he shared a deep love with His disciples. We saw him share His joys with them, we saw Him even ask them to keep watch and pray for Him on one of the most difficult nights of His life. We even saw Him appear to them after He resurrected so they could have some comfort. This is an example of what our love should look like- sharing the different sides of you with the one you love.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston, not only helps you come up with an accurate assessment of the state of your marriage, but we will work together to create a stronger foundation so that we can heal what happen din the past and create deeper intimacy in the present.

Understanding the Root Causes of Emotional Distance: Trusting God with Your Marriage

Emotional disconnection is probably the most common reason why people seek me out for Christian marriage counseling in Houston. So, what causes emotional disconnection? Here are some reasons:

Unresolved conflict: Sometimes couples simply sweep conflict under the rug. They know that there's an issue that needs to be resolved, but perhaps they were raised in a family where issues were swept under the rug and then everybody came back together much later, pretending that it never happened. Or maybe you struggle to resolve conflict because of the emotional pain it will cause to talk about the issue. Or perhaps you have tried to resolve the conflict and it caused an argument, but since you are averse to arguments and difficulty, you just stopped trying out of frustration and sadness. After a long time, this doesn't actually solve anything, it drives you further apart from your spouse.
Unmet emotional needs: Many married people spend so much time thinking about themselves and their needs, but they are not actually sure what their spouse needs and how their spouse needs to be loved. We often will treat people how we want to be treated. Now while this is actually biblical, because Jesus treated everybody with love, kindness and gentleness, if you notice, he healed people in different ways – according to their own individual needs. He even spoke to people differently. To some people he was a little bit harsher, to others He was speaking in parables, and to others He was just plain and clear. He knew what each person needed.
So the most important thing in marriage is learning what your spouse actually needs, learning his temperament, knowing his past, knowing his hurts, staying away from triggering him and knowing how to apologize when you have caused damage. Listen to what your spouse is actually saying, rather than assuming his intentions.
Lack of communication: I am sure you have heard this one before. Most people speak just to respond, rather than to listen and understand. Before you jump to actually saying your point of view, ensure that you understand the emotions behind your words as well as what the purpose of communication actually is. Communication is not supposed to win fights. Good communication is supposed to strengthen your love and improve intimacy.
Pride: Sometimes pride gets in the way of apologizing, admitting that you are wrong or taking responsibility for your actions. Remember that your spouse is not your enemy. You and your spouse are fighting on the same team, so humble yourself and do the right thing.

God has called us to love and respect one another. And in fact we are called to submit one to the other. This means marriage is not a one man or a one woman show. Both of you must walk together. Amos 3:3 says “Do two walk together
unless they have agreed to do so?“ That is one of the biggest struggles in marriages that both people want to walk, but everybody wants to be the leader. And their style of leadership is often by force as opposed to through humility.

Here is some homework for you. Write down five key issues that have been causing distance in your marriage. Don't just jot them down hurriedly. Write them down deeply and specifically. Start to pray over those issues. If you feel comfortable, ask your spouse to do the same thing and then you can bring those issues in to a Christian marriage counselor for deeper guidance. It is important to pray, be in The Word and also seek the advice of wise counsel. Proverbs 19:20 sates “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise“

Practical Communication Tips for Rebuilding Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage

Most of us have not been taught effective communication skills. We mostly watched our parents and family members either argue or just ignore each other. Most of us also weren't spoken to with respect by the people around us, so we took those bad habits and transferred them into our marital homes. Here are some practical communication strategies for you:

Only one person speaking at a time. When you are having a difficult conversation, it is important to listen carefully and maybe even take notes, so that you catch everything your spouse is saying.
Put your emotions on hold for a moment. When your spouse is speaking, the spotlight is on him alone. Rather than being in your feelings, take a second to truly be empathetic with him. Ask yourself “What is he feeling in this moment?” “Why is he feeling this way?” “How have I contributed to these feelings?”
Ask for clarification. When you are trying to resolve an issue, there will be a lot of misunderstanding. Ask your partner to speak slower, so you can catch everything he is saying. If there is something you are not understanding, ask for clarification. But do not ask as if you are fighting. Ask with a genuine level of ciruosuty.
Apologize and take responsibility. When you realize your role in the argument or communication breakdown, it’s time to apologize. Be specific: “I am sorry for…” Please do not say “I am sorry you feel that way.” Say what behavior you participated in that led to the hurt or breakdown.
Say what you need. After the apologies and acceptance of responsibility, say what you need and what both of you need to do to prevent this situation from coming up again the the future.

The Power of Prayer and Vulnerability in Healing Your Marriage

Prayer and vulnerability are often ignored, but they are powerful tools for healing in a marriage. Through prayer, all types of chains break, the Holy Spirit convicts you, and you begin to see the actions you need to take. Prayer also brings a couple closer because in prayer, you both are able to hear the secret cries, pains and challenges that you otherwise eowudl not have known existed within your partner. Prayer softens the heart, God is pretty great at turning hearts of stone into hearts of flesh- that is if we are willing to go along with Him on the journey. James 5:16 says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.“

When we are able to bring our sins to our spouses, not only is a weight lifted off us, but they can look at us through the eyes of grace and mercy. When you work with me- A Black Christian therapist in Houston, I guide you into how to regain the emotional connection you once had with your spouse. You will learn to listen, how to be more empathetic, how to communicate your needs in a way he can hear and understand, and how to regain friendship.

Once we’ve done this, you and your spouse may now talk about the longstanding issues that caused you to drift apart in the first place. A softened heart is more capable of listening, understanding and forgiving than a heart that is hard as a rock.

If you find that hardness has overtaken your heart, pray together and ask for guidance, healing, and strength to work through your emotional disconnection. If you’re not sure what to pray, use this as a starting point:

“Lord Jesus, thank you for bringing my spouse and I together. Forgive us for the times in which we have been cold hearted, angry or cruel to one another. Please soften our hearts. Show us how to really love one another. Helps us to be connected physically, emotionally and spiritually. May our marriage bring you glory forever. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”

5. How Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Can Help Rebuild Emotional Connection

Sometimes when you are going through emotional distance with your spouse and other relationship struggles, hiding it might feel like the natural thing. But please do not. A Black Christian therapist in Houston come provide culturally relevant, compassionate support for you and your spouse. In marriage therapy you can learn how to embrace vulnerability, and be guided towards healing through faith and important therapeutic strategies. There is such a big need for a godly counseling in our marriages, so please do not suffer in silence.

If you’re ready to reconnect emotionally and spiritually with your spouse, Christian marriage counseling in Houston can help. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with a Black therapist in Houston today, and take the first step toward healing and deeper intimacy in your marriage.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/3/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 6/3/25

When Talking Leads to Nowhere: A Christian Therapist in Houston on Communicating with a Non-HSP Husband

Struggling to connect with your non-HSP husband? This warm guide from a Christian therapist in Houston offers hope, clarity, and tools for deeper understanding. A must-read for HSP women navigating emotional disconnection. Read my full blog to feel seen and supported.

Understanding the Emotional Divide: Why Highly Sensitive Wives and Non-HSP Husbands Struggle to Connect

In some marriages, the wife is a highly sensitive person, while her husband is a non-highly sensitive person, or vice versa. We can characterize these marriages as a mixed sensitivity marriages. And in some cases, not only is the other spouse non-highly sensitive, he also is somebody who is not in tune with his emotions or may be a little bit abrupt in the way he communicates. This can leave you feeling frustrated and constantly invalidated. Perhaps your husband is a very logical person who likes to do things with the highest efficiency, but he often overlooks the importance of tapping into his emotions and focusing on softness. This is probably one of the reasons why he does not understand the depth of your emotions and I promise you that this is OK. Because even though he is not highly sensitive and he's not fully tapped into his emotions, he can learn how to be empathetic with you.

The key is active listening.

The Bible sums it up nicely: "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." (James 1:19). Once we learn how to stop making assumptions, really tap in to the emotions that your spouse is feeling and take time to address those emotions, then you and your spouse will feel a lot closer. You do not necessarily need to have a depth of emotions to be able to empathize with others. But if you grew up not engaging with the emotions of others, or disregarding emotions, it will feel like a new skill for you and you do have to be humble enough to learn it.

As a Christian marriage counselor in Houston, it is my job to help you navigate these differences with grace. Just like it is difficult for you to understand how your husband has lived this long without tapping into the depth of his emotions, it is also difficult for him to understand how you have lived this long by tapping into the depth of your emotions. His way of doing things is not necessarily wrong, just like your way of doing things is not necessarily right- they're just different.

When both of you learn how to truly listen to each other, and suspend speech, you will find that your level of understanding of one another will quickly increase- thereby reducing anger and arguments. And yes, you will learn all of this if you work with me for marriage counseling in Houston.

Expressing Your Needs Clearly: Biblical Wisdom for Effective Communication

When you are having a conversation with your spouse, it is important to remember that this is somebody you love (I know you might not always feel this way). This is somebody you made a covenant with in the presence of God and men, and it is imperative that you treat each other with love and respect. The goal of communication is to strengthen the relationship, not to tear it down. Each word you speak has to be spoken with clarity- not expectation or judgement. You must say what you mean, but not say it in a mean way.

I often tell my marriage counseling clients that my standard of clear ocmmnciation is this:

If a stranger walked into the room and heard your statement, could he/she immediately know your needs and intentions without you explaining them further?

So say what you mean. If you want your husband to take you out for dinner, say exactly that. Don’t beat about the bush. "Let your yes be yes and your no be no" - Matthew 5:37. No need for more.

Here are some simple communication guidelines:

It is important to humble yourself when you're speaking to your spouse.
Never assume that you know everything or you know what his/her intentions are. If you're not clear on what his/her intentions are, then simply ask.
If you feel that the communication is hurtful, say exactly that. Remember the old eye for an eye in the Bible? Do not repay your spouse anger for anger.
When your spouse is saying something mean, your job is to respond with something nice. I also say to my clients, two people do not belong on the crazy train. If your spouse jumps on the crazy train, it is your job to jump off.
When you notice that communication is beginning to heat up or escalate, it is time to call for a time out.
You have to have a great amount of humility to implement these principles, but these are simply biblical ways to live. It is your job to live in peace with as many people as you can if it is up to you. Always put it upon yourself to be a peacemaker. Eventually your spouse will come around too. If both of you are actively working towards peace, repaying harshness with softness, apologizing, taking responsibility for your actions, your marriage will be amazing.

When you work with me- a Black therapist in Houston, you not only learn effective communication skills that help with empathy, validation of each other’s feelings and conflict resolution, you also will be provided with culturally and spiritually aligned support. Because without biblical principles, it will be impossible for you to thrive in your marriage. We do not have to separate your culture and values when we sit in marriage counseling or therapy.

From Misunderstood to Heard: Creating a Safe Space for Emotional Vulnerability

One of the struggles of high sensitivity is you are so used to being told to tone things down, that you spend the rest of your life being a chameleon. You tone down your feelings, you tone down your reactions to things, and you keep a lot of thoughts to yourself for fear of judgment or being misunderstandood. But remember that your husband is supposed to be the closest person to you. When he married you, he probably noticed that you were deeply empathetic and you did notice a lot of small details that he might've missed.

I'm pretty sure that even though you felt like you did a good job of hiding who you were, he noticed most of those traits and he still decided to do life with you- because he very much enjoyed those same traits that you were hiding. The problem with hiding your traits is that even though you feel like you have found acceptance, there is a frustration and exhaustion that happens when you have been in hiding for a long time.

It is time to stop being afraid of being “too much” for your husband. My number one suggestion is to be vulnerable with him and let him know that you sometimes feel like you are too much. If he is a loving man, he will be able to affirm you and let you know that you are just enough. There is no such thing as a person who is too much, because you were created to be highly sensitive and God does not make mistakes.

No two people are the same. And people often say that opposites attract. Even though we often pick people who share similar values and want to do life in a similar way than us, there is no way to pick a spouse who is exactly like you. And part of love is providing emotional safety for your spouse. It is important for you and your spouse to create space for each other in the marriage. Each person will think a little differently and do things differently, but “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7. Love fights with you, not against you. True agape love holds your hand while you are in the storm and seeks to find understanding.

An excellent Christian marriage counselor in Houston can help you feel seen and valued in your marriage. I will take you back to the beginning and remind you of your values. You will learn how to have a greater understanding of one another, then be able to communicate what you need, when you need it, in a way that your spouse can understand and integrate. No more guessing games.

When Words Fall Short: Non-Verbal Ways to Strengthen Your Connection

One of the basics of marriage is learning each other's love love languages. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our unmet needs, that we forget to even think about what we are providing for our spouses. It is important to be able to love your husband in the way that he feels appreciated, not according to the way you feel appreciated. Sometimes it's important to take a step back and think about things from his perspective, then begin to explain things in a way that makes sense for him.

Sometimes we think our way is the best way, because you're probably a high-performing, super responsible, highly sensitive woman. You sometimes expect things to be done according to your standard and sometimes that might leave your husband feeling isolated and left behind. So when you are able to understand the way he experiences you and the way he experiences the marriage, you'll be better able to meet his needs. Selflessness is a big part of deep love.

Sometimes you need to go back to the very beginning. Remember your shared faith. Faith based practices like prayer and shared devotional time can also foster intimacy because as women we have deep needs. Our needs are physical, spiritual, environmental, social, and of course, emotional. A deep connection to God can greatly improve your connection with one another. Because when you are in the word of God together, it not only humbles the both of you, but it also convicts your hearts and creates a level of selflessness that is needed to love each other the way God loves us.

As a Black Christian therapist in Houston, one of my jobs is to help you integrate faith and cultural wisdom in your marriage. From time to time I will check you, and remind you how what you're doing is currently not in alignment with the word of God. Of course I'll never say this in a harsh way and I am never judging you, but my job is to create room for the Holy Spirit to do His work.

Finding Support: How Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Can Help You Thrive

If you are ready to end the constant cycle of arguing about the same things over and over again, then maybe it is time to reach out for help. God provides help and he also sends people to do His work. Sometimes you have to exercise your faith by reaching out and learning new skills and new ways of thinking. Seeking therapy is an act of faith- faith that God can still restore what has been broken. Remember the Word of God says "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed." - Proverbs 15:22.

The benefit of working with a Black therapist in Houston who understands both faith and cultural dynamics is that you do not have to feel like you are losing your soul. We can work on improving the closenesss and intimacy in your marriage without leaving your values behind.

Are you ready to feel truly heard in your marriage? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation for Christian marriage counseling in Houston with me- a Black therapist today.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are:

Couples who want to regain their friendship and trust

If you’re ready to take the next steps, click here.

Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/27/25 Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali 5/27/25

Lost in Translation? How Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Helps HSP Wives Bridge the Communication Gap

Struggling to feel heard in your Christian marriage? Many HSP wives feel dismissed. Christian marriage counseling in Houston offers faith-based empathy to bridge the gap. A Black therapist in Houston can help you reconnect—heart to heart. Read my full blog.

The Silent Struggle: Why Highly Sensitive Wives Feel Unheard in Marriage

People are born highly sensitive. If you ask your parents or childhood caregivers to tell you about yourself when you were a baby, they might say something like “You cried a lot.” “We just couldn’t put you down.” “You were very cuddly and clingy.” Or “We had to make sure the lights and environment were just right, or else you would scream your head off.” Although your caregivers might not even have known what high sensitivity is, they would have just known that there was something special about you.

And special isn’t a bad thing.

I believe that sensitivity is a God designed trait of strength- not weakness. Many highly sensitive people tend to be really close to God and pour out their hearts in prayer and service. They notice the subtle shifts in the environment that no one does. Some of them even tend to see visions and dream dreams. That can’t possibly be a bad thing. It is only perceived as bad when your friends and family members don’t know what to do with you. They notice that you experience emotions on a much deeper level that they do, and because they can’t understand what’s going on, they label you in a negative light.

When you are a HSP who is married to a non-HSP spouse, you can feel deeply overwhelmed, because he can trigger you unknowingly. He comes in, turns on the bright lights, blasts the music and all you want to do is just sit in a dim corner so you can reset your tired nervous system. When you get into a disagreement with him, he wants to settle it there and then, while you want to take your time to process. And when you finally are able to speak about the issue, 2 days have passed. He has completely forgotten about the issue by then. You feel dismissed and invalidated. You value process as opposed to solutions but he just wants to fix things quickly without talking about emotions and soft things.

Christian marriage counseling in Houston provides a safe space to be understood. Your non sensitive husband willl learn a bit more about what high sensitivity is. He will learn to compromise in some other areas, and you in turn, will learn how to communicate without shutting down or dragging the issue for 2 days before coming to resolution. You will learn how to regulate your nervous system so you’re not constantly lashing out.

From Frustration to Connection: Biblical Principles for Healthy Communication

One of my favorite scriptures is found in Proverbs 15:1. It says “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” Sometimes one person has to take a step back and lead with a gentle word. Once 1 person starts to escalate, it’s time for the other person to jump off what I call ‘The crazy train.’ It’s also important to know that it takes 2 to fight. If you speak gently to a yelling person. they have no choice but to deescalate naturally. You can’t argue with yourself.

It is important to express emotions in a way that your husband can understand. Help him understand why certain things are so important to you. Emotions are much more important than settling arguments. Talk about what you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, what you need from him, and also take accountability and apologize for any part you played in creating the problem. Here is an example. Imagine you both had an argument about who forgot to pick up your child from school. Here is what you can say to him:

“I felt panicked when I found out that Stacy was left behind at school. It reminded me of the times when my dad was too busy to take me to the park or come to my recitals. I do apologize for not letting you know that she gets out early today. And I also apologize for yelling at you when I found out she wasn't picked up. What we can do next time is put it all on the family calendar and ensure that we receive notifications the day before. I can also text you the day before so you remember if her schedule changes.”

You see, good communication isn’t just about sorting out disagreements. It is really about emotional connection. When your husband hears you and understands your emotional stance, he is better able to connect with you. He also learns what your triggers are and how to stay away from them. You in turn feel seen, validated and can bring your guard further down.

As a Black therapist in Houston my job is to help bridge the cultural and emotional gap in communication between you and your spouse. Even if you and your spouse grew up in the same environment, you will still face some cultural differences. Because you were raised in different households, you have different personalities and temperaments. I understand the nuances of being a Black immigrant in Houston. But I also help you give language to the way you feel. Together we will construct a marriage that is rich in friendship, low in drawn out disagreements and you will rediscover intimacy.

The Role of a Black Christian Therapist: How Cultural Understanding Strengthens Marriage Counseling

It is important to find a marriage therapist in Houston who understands the Christian faith because your values are grounded in your faith. As a Christian therapist, I incorporate biblical principles so that you can act out your roles in the way that God intended. Shared cultural values and faith matter in therapy so that you do not end up losing your soul as you are in search of marital cohesion. We absolutely do not have to separate your faith from your healing.

As a Black therapist in Houston, I can offer deeper insights into the unique challenges of faith, marriage, and emotional expression. There’s no need for code switching or deep explanations into your life when you work with me- as we already have some cultural commonalities. It is important to feel safe and understood in therapy- especially if you are a highly sensitive woman. Because highly sensitive women often feel misunderstood and invalidated, it can be even more disappointing when they are shut down by therapists. Not only am I a Black immigrant therapist, I also happen to be a highly sensitive woman, so I get it.

Don’t get me wrong though, not all highly sensitive people are the same, so I won’t typecast you or make assumptions about you, but we do share some traits. If you have been struggling in your marriage for years, please don’t fret. Seeking help is a sign that you truly want to move forward. It is not a sign of weakness, but an act of faith and strength.

My job as a marriage therapist in Houston is to also help you and your spouse celebrate your differences without having them become a source of constant frustration and disagreements. You will learn how to communicate in a way that your spouse can understand, and you will also get a deeper feeling of empathy towards your spouse. Empathy is the road towards understanding and deeper intimacy.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Communication with Your Non-HSP Husband

It is absolutely possible to repair the communication problems in your marriage- even if they’ve lingered for years. The first step is willingness. Both of you have to decide that you will start to do things differently. If you feel guilty, scared or apprehensive when you express your feelings to your spouse (I’m not talking about an abusive relationship here), it is important to let your spouse know so that he is gentler with you. Let him know that you sometimes need a little extra time to process your thoights and you would value it if he spent a bit of time listening to your thoights and emotions. Sometimes non-HSP husbands can be so outcome oriented that they completely skip past the listening and unearthing of emotions that HSPs value so much.

Active listening is one of the most important skills to master within a marriage relationship. Active listening simply means when you are listening to your spouse talk, you:

1- Suspend judgement

2- Hold off on everything you want to say

3- Ensure that you are not distracted

4- Listen to every word he/she says

5- Reflect back what you hear with the intention of knowing you might be corrected.

6- Try to really understand his/her point of view before stating yours.

You are essentially playing the role of a court stenographer. You are recording just the facts- your personal thoughts and emotions aren’t important when your spouse is speaking, You will get your turn too. Remember to validate his/her emotions after listening. Validation dosnt’t mean agreement. it simply means you can understand how the situation can trigger certain emotions for your spouse. It helps him/her feel seen.

A simple exercise I have my clients do as a Christian marriage counselor in Houston is to download the Gottman card decks app. it has tons of conversation starters to help you better understand and get used to relating closely with your spouse. It’s a great avenue to get to know your spouse better and to practice active listening skills.

As Christians, we are called to be slow to anger, slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). So the art of active listening isn’t just a therapy gimmick, it’s something we should master as Christians. Learning this skill will help improve understanding in your marriage relationship and improve trust. When your spouse feels heard and validated, it can help bring the walls down and therefore bring you closer.

Take the First Step: Christian Marriage Counseling in Houston Can Help You Feel Heard

If communication is an ongoing problem in your marriage, never fret. You do not have to struggle alone. As a Black therapist in Houston, I provide faith centered and culturally attuned therapy so that you can have the space to heal and grow in your marriage. Take the first step toward a stronger, more connected marriage—schedule your free 15-minute marriage counseling consultation today! I offer virtual therapy services to clients throughout CA and TX.

About Me

My name is Ibinye Osibodu-Onyali. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and Texas. I help women who are struggling with trauma, anxiety and insomnia. I also help couples learn how to speak each other’s language, date each other again and manage conflict in a non-painful way.

Many of my clients are: